


Abyss

by SetoAngel01



Category: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (TV 2012), Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles - All Media Types
Genre: Action/Adventure, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, F/M, Feels, Interspecies, Outer Space, Raphael/Monalisa - Freeform, Raphril - Freeform, Romance, Unresolved Romantic Tension
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-02
Updated: 2016-07-31
Packaged: 2018-04-29 14:35:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 22
Words: 68,672
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5131217
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SetoAngel01/pseuds/SetoAngel01
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It isn't until Mona Lisa kisses Raphael when April realizes that she has lost her chance with the hotheaded terrapin forever...But April O'Neil isn't one to give up without a fight.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Unrequited

**Author's Note:**

> Raphril fan just dealing with the aftermath of the latest episode and why I believe Raph fell so hard and fast for Mona Lisa in the first place...

It hurt.

It hurt worst than April O'Neil would or could have ever imagined.

Of course she couldn't hope to imagine that Raphael would never find someone.

She always just hoped that eventually...it would be her...

Watching that lizard-newt-alien...thing kissing Raphael smack dab on the lips in front of everyone shocked her to the very core of her being yet she hid it behind a giggle and a pleasant forced smile. If she smiled, perhaps it wouldn't appear if her very soul was shattering inside of her chest. Perhaps if she giggled, it would cover up the fact that she wished it was her that gave him his first kiss...

But it was over.

Once the newt aliens left, Raphael was downtrodden and quieter than she was used to. He kept giving these impossible sad glances outside the window and into the black nothingness of space.

During those few hours afterward, she told herself to talk to him, to try and console him, but she found herself just grateful that impossibly strong woman lizard alien was gone.

April just didn't understand it! The woman just swept in out of nowhere with her fierce tail and unbelievable fighting skills and stolen Raphael's heart in mere moments.

To think, while all of them were being crushed into the dirt, all Raph could focus on was how strong she was. To fathom, it was Mona Lisa punching Raphael harder than he'd ever been hit before to cause the seemingly always disinterested in romance hotheaded terrapin to fall head over hills. Over the whole time she'd known him, Raphael was the one that seemed so unobtainable. He'd never stolen a glance at a girl yet he drew bunches of hot chicks on everything. It just seemed crazy though how just after just one punch, Raph fell so quick and hard for this stranger. Raph was not quick to trust. He made a point of getting to know people and their intentions before letting them in - yet in less than a span of a couple hours, he was locking lips with the lizard alien.

April had known him for years. She really didn't know when she began feeling more than friendship toward the hotheaded terrapin. April supposed it was his confidence. Raph has a knack of showing off and being cocky, but even then, he had the strength to back it up. Raph's greatest weakness was never letting people in. He was a loner by nature, expecting rejection at every turn for what he is even if it never bothered her. But to see the strongest person she ever met fall so hard, so fast... It wasn't like him. It was completely uncharacteristic and April wanted to ask, wanted to know why... But she even admitted, even she wasn't as close to him enough to ask those questions...

The strongest of the turtles seemed to be something of an enigma to her. She got the nuances of his personality and few quirks, but as far as knowing him, she felt unsure.

April finally took in her current surroundings. She found herself sitting next to one of the grand windows, just staring off into the blankness of space. Finding no one near her, her eyes glanced back to pinpricks of light speckles and blinking stars scattered around the inky sky. Earth was so much simpler. On earth, she felt as if she had all time in the world to figure it all out. Yet, they were thrown into worlds and circumstances they didn't understand. Flung into this hellish existence of just trying to live another day in this endless abyss. Maybe she was feeling selfish - after all, they had much bigger problems now. Maybe she was wrong to feel this way...but love didn't give you a choice...it just happened, whether you expected it or not.

It was then the moment finally hit her.

The moment she realized she'd fallen in love with Raphael.

A joke.

His smile...his laugh.

It was a stupid joke Casey told her and she just retold him while they were waiting up for Donnie in the living room. Instantly seeing that normally stoic face light up because of something she'd said was when the butterflies started. She fought them valiantly at first. Thought it was just a fluke because after all, she supposed that for a mutant turtle, Raphael was attractive and had a very nice smile that lit up his whole face. Finding herself wishing to see that same smile again was just an odd contingency she'd ignored for awhile.

...But it didn't stop.

At Northampton, it only became more apparent. She'd find herself actively seeking out the hotheaded terrapin. Trying her hardest to get his attention and was pleased the first few times she got it. April quickly came to notice he'd back off, leave when someone would find them at the hidden stream behind the barn. The night she'd wrapped her arm around Raph's shoulder and laid her head against his, she'd expected him to tense. Expected him to push her away, but he didn't. Stealing a quick glance, her heart soared when she noticed the barely concealed flush of his cheeks as he adamantly kept his eyes on the scene before him. It was this moment, she knew perhaps there was something he wasn't telling her too...

A sudden thud broke her from her reverie.

Noticing Mikey, Leo, Casey, and the Fugitoid looking over a pile of old maps on the other side of the room; suddenly recalling the strange yet kind robot mentioning a hidden base only found on older maps rather than the new technology scanners. April took a deep calming breath, trying desperately to get the sudden rising emotions under control. Taking a glance to make sure no one else was around, she dashed to her bunk bed and desperately tried to fall asleep. Perhaps forget about this days events. Praying that it was all just a bad dream. She'd wake up on the restored earth - a place that made sense.

Sleep never came, instead it was when the 'why's' and 'what if's' started toiling around in her head.

What if they never got hit by those stupid Triceratons?

What if they never landed on that freakin' ice planet?

Why did Raphael have to fall for that girl?

Why had she waited until it was too late?

Why hadn't she just told him?!

April had so many opportunities. So many times she could have just grabbed that adorably cute face of his and kissed him in front of everybody. To just pull him aside and told him flat-out how she felt. There were so many questions that haunted her now...

...and she had no one to blame but herself...

April wanted to believe she didn't simply because she wasn't sure the hotheaded terrapin had felt anything but friendship toward her. But why die wondering? At least if she'd told him back then, she'd feel better now. It would be easier to move on if she knew he never felt a thing. At least that way she got it out in the open and it wouldn't be currently consuming her from the inside out. She had time - even that small moment during the fight.

"April, are you okay?" Raph's voice deep and smooth against the side of her head. She met his eyes for a moment, taking in the concern lacing those beautiful green eyes and felt her heart skip a beat like so many times before. She wanted to say it then - in the middle of battle, because you know, she always had the best timing.

She didn't say a word.

A decision she'd regret forever.

"Hey, April, is everything okay? You're going to bed awfully early. Didn't you at least want to eat a little something first?" A sudden voice near her caused her to sit up straight in bed. Staring at the owner of said voice, she found herself eye to eye with a concerned Donatello.

"No, thanks. I'm just tired." she said quickly in the way of explanation.

"...Is something wrong? Did you think you have any adverse effects from the lack of heat and oxygen?" he asked, brown eyes wide, his fingers trembling in anticipation of wanting help her any way he could.

April glanced beyond his thin shoulders. Eyes catching the soft silhouette of Raphael among the background of endless twinkling stars. Face falling when she realized he never moved from that spot.

"No...I'm fine." April answered the brown eyes terrapin with a smile that never quite reached her eyes.

"Okay... Um... Goodnight." Donnie answered wistfully, a soft sigh escaping his lips at April's odd behavior.

"Night." She responded quickly, the tears burning the back of her eyes leaving her no choice but to plop back down and rolling over to present her back to the genius terrapin. The second her eyes faced the white wall and she heard the soft footsteps of Donnie walking away, hot tears began dripping down her face.

Her breath hitched and a small sob broke out.

She had cried herself to sleep that night.


	2. Infatuation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Raphael recounts the day and his thoughts on perhaps the one he could be destined for...with interesting comparisons.

Staring out into the dark black abyss was not as calming as Raphael hoped. He equated it to the distance outreaching across this seemingly endless sea of stars, planets, and galaxies. Distance that now separated him... and her...

Thinking back to this past day, he knew instantly it would be one he'd never forget. Hence the reason he'd been putting off sleep even after all of the other occupants of the ship had long since fallen into slumber. If he fell asleep, he might wake up to a different reality. A reality where he never met the gorgeous Mona Lisa. This equivalence of everything he could ever want in a woman. Strong, stubborn, fiery - just everything he could ever hope for.

For the gorgeous Mona Lisa to feel the same way was something he never imagined happening to him. It even felt like a dream - a dream he dared never wake up from.

It scared him to realize just how quick it all happened, because of he was truthful about the whole situation, Raphael never put much thought into romance. Sure, it was nice to imagine, but as far as ever reaching reality, the thought was so bleak, he never seriously pondered it.

Not helping matters in the least was constantly witnessing Leo being manipulated by the smooth-talking Karai and how easily Mikey fell for the clumsy Renet without any guarantees he'd ever run into the tall girl again had an adverse effect in the way he conceived relationships. But the main instigator was Donnie and Casey's infatuation with their first human friend, April.

The first time Raphael had laid eyes on her, he had the same reaction you may think any teenage boy would. He was instantly infatuated. She was pretty - no - beautiful. Bright red hair pulled into a simple ponytail, huge blue eyes and she was right there - a visceral, real, beautiful girl.

His heart thrashed against his plastron, his chest was an array of wings against his sternum as he took her in. His palms itched and his throat went dry - it was nothing he'd ever experienced before. It was almost too much for the red-banded terrapin.

Raph's entire body screamed at him to say something, anything, but his tongue wouldn't move. His throat felt clogged and he had to swallow the lump that formed. As soon as his mouth was beginning to cooperate - that's when he heard Donnie's statement. Heard his genius brother commenting on her beauty and how he was in love and just had to meet her. At first, Raphael wanted to deny it, wanted to fight this brother for the right to call dibs on someone they never met, but for some reason, he stood aside. Raph wasn't sure if that was just a left over turtle instinct to claim property and all other males must obey, but they went with that code anyway.

Raphael choked down those feelings upon hearing the genius terrapin's claim to her. He camouflaged any sort of infatuation that plagued his thoughts and dreams since meeting and getting to know the lovely redhead. Perhaps that was the main reason he'd instigate hurtful words to Donatello. He believed it was maybe his way of pushing reality down his younger brother's throat and making sure he didn't get hurt when April didn't return his feelings. But the real reason was one Raph didn't ponder very long...

Over the course of getting to know the interesting human female, he learned her personality, her quirks. Strengths and weaknesses off and on the dojo mats. She'd showcased so much of what he admired. Strength, resilience, and a fiery spirit to boot. There was something about her that drew him in and sadly came to understand why Donnie went to the ends of the earth to make her happy.

It only got more complicated at North Hampton. Whether it was her feather-light touches against his skin when she'd pass him a platter at dinner or those sideways glances before she'd randomly hug him out of freaking nowhere. Her words of comfort when Leo still wouldn't wake up. The hours they'd spend just talking about nothing - sitting on the cold bathroom floor waiting for his oldest to finally just open his eyes.

Raphael had thought it was a fluke at first. Thought her seeking him out was because she was getting tired of Casey and Donnie's obsessiveness of her and one could only watch so many episodes of Crognard the Barbarian with Mikey before they virtually went insane. Leo was depressed upon waking up and it was hard to spend any kind of time with him before his mood rubbed you the wrong way or the leader took off to the woods to meditate for the entire day.

Raph just supposed he was the only one who wasn't getting on her nerves. He was quiet, he cleaned up after himself and he never judged her when she cried so many nights when she just felt utterly hopeless about their whole hellish situation. There was this warmth beginning to develop in his chest whenever she was near. There was just something about her that was drawing him much like a moth to the flame.

Raph understood weaknesses and as much as he hated to admit it, his was trust.

Raphael wasn't one to let people in easily. His distrust of April until getting to know her better was testament to that. It was easily apparent by his aloofness and never caring to spend one on one time with the girl. But once Raphael began to trust someone and let them in, he made it a mission in his life to be loyal no matter what. Once you crossed that line from acquaintance to friend, you always had someone watching your back, making sure you were safe...

Yet it was that itch of doubt that made Raphael still keep his distance from April emotionally - he never purposely sought her out, but yet she always seemed to find him. Whether it was small talk at the small hidden lake behind the barn or watching a crappy late night show when neither could sleep - she always seemed to be one step behind him.

Those feelings of butterfly wings raking through his plastron whenever she accidentally or purposefully touched him was beginning to weigh on his mind. This wasn't right.

April wasn't his and never would be.

Raphael did what he always did when those involuntary reactions to her vicinity reared it's head - he ignored them. It didn't mean they weren't there, but if Raph was anything - he was a master of self-control. I mean, she was beautiful, there was no denying that. She was strong, fiery, stubborn, kind... It was obvious why he liked her.

Who wouldn't?

While there was a simplicity about the whole thing yet Raphael was always doubtful of his thoughts and developing feelings. But as time wore on, he began to notice his walls coming down. He found himself giving in to her easy charm and warm smiles. Felt himself being drawn into this involuntary relationship based on similar tastes in music and love of art. Their wit, banter, and dry humor. Laughing at jokes no one else would get.

The doubt began to lift...maybe he'd been wrong...just maybe...there was something more she wasn't telling him...

Until the day he found himself walking by the front window on his way outside - it was when he saw April kiss Donnie.

Ignoring the cold breeze that filled his chest - Raphael again stepped aside much like he did two years ago on that roof. He turned away from the scene and spent the rest of the day in his room - feigning sleep when in actually he was ignoring her knocks and voice from outside the door.

He'd been right all along.

He would never be hers.

April was special. She deserved someone who could love her and take care of her. There was no way April would fall for a brash, hotheaded, and moody mutant turtle. But maybe, just maybe Donnie could be that someone and just prayed the pretty girl didn't end up ripping out his heart and stomping it flat. So, he ignored the pinch in his chest whenever she was around. Purposefully growing cold and distant once they were back in New York, putting up barriers so he wouldn't be hurt. After that, they never spent much time alone since.

In the end, he filled in that hole by telling himself it was just simple teenage infatuation toward the one human girl who first befriended them. It was normal. She accepted them for what they were - that's all it was. He choked any opposing treacherous thoughts down and prayed they'd never see the light of day - after all, he hoped maybe there was a girl for him out there.

Little did he know, she was waaaay out there.

Raphael's mind brought up a fresh image of the vivacious Mona Lisa. He felt his cheeks flush at the sheer audacity of this whole situation. The things he said - as cheesy as a teenage boy could ever get - he said them. It was as if he was someone else looking in. Like something was taking him over, speaking these words that somehow won over this gorgeous alien woman. Green eyes sliding closed as he remembered how forceful and forward the strong woman had been. Taking the reigns and seemingly not caring just how naive Raphael was at this thing called 'romance'. If he focused hard enough he still felt her lips over his own, the firm press of her thickly scaled mouth and that impossibly soft flicker of her tongue over his lips before she pulled away once she realized they had a captive audience.

Raph was the first to admit most of it was a blur. He just couldn't fucking believe it had happened - at least of all to him. But moments after meeting those lips and already anticipating the next time, she blurted out that her and partner were leaving.

The rock hard pain punched him in the gut again upon hearing those words - just moments after giving her his heart. As hardened and black as he believed it to be - he'd given all of it to her.

Complete disbelief and the familiar scent of betrayal tilted his head as he stared in shock at the gorgeous lizard. Easily letting her in and she was ready to abandon him without any promise or guarantee she'd ever see him again. The paid he ignored for so long weighed heavily on his chest when his walls she'd crashed down began inching their way up.

"I will see you again, Raphael." those words she spoke so softly against his head before she left the comfort and warmth of the ship. She'd pulled him aside and pressed her lips against his again. "I promise." she continued, long nails dragging gingerly across his scaled cheek, causing his skin to tingle under her hand.

"..But how?" he'd asked softly, wanting desperately to follow her lips, perhaps convince her to stay with them. Anything to keep this feeling forever. The feeling of being wanted and loved by a woman - a feeling he doubted would ever happen to him, and he wasn't ready to let it go.

"We'll find a way, Raphael. Just be patient." she said, her lips ghosting over his once more before she disappeared out of his sight.

Raph turned around just in time to see her don her helmet, speaking with her partner in their Salamandrian language.

"Thank you." the older male lizard spoke to the group gathered. "We couldn't have done this without you. Perhaps we will all meet again - hopefully in much better circumstances."

"Yes. Thank you for your hospitality." Mona Lisa spoke out, her eyes glancing to Raphael who still had yet to move from the spot. Her eyes were speaking to him, but he realized quickly that he didn't know her well enough to read them.

"...Goodbye." she spoke.

Then they were gone.

And Raphael was alone...again.

At first, it was stifling, his eyes following their ship until it flickered out of sight. There was this weight that appeared in his chest almost instantaneously when the ugly truth reared his head.

No matter what Mona Lisa promised, there was no way she could guarantee they'd ever see one another again. But he would hold on to those words. Hold on to how fucking good she felt. He wanted to hold on desperately to this feeling, scared that if he let her go, he would never again have it.

Staring at the glass, his eyes adjusted to his own reflection and for a moment, his heart stopped when he saw April looking at him from beyond Donnie's shoulder. Raphael blinked, then it was gone. Raphael summed it up to a trick of the light - telling himself that what he'd witnessed in her eyes wasn't possible. Her eyes screamed sadness and hurt. The ease of which he read them shocked him down to his core.

Shaking his head slightly, he turned around to see Donnie walking away from the bunk, April's back turned away from the rest of the ship's occupants. His brows furrowed slightly at the odd scene. April was usually the last one up, so to see her in bed before dinner was odd - but he let it go. After all, it had been a long day. He let out a breath he wasn't even aware he was holding before turning back to the night sky - hoping he'd see the return of the lizard like ship flickering from the darkness.


	3. Devoid

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some things just need to be said... Part 1 of 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First off, I really do apologize for letting this story sit stagnant for so long. I just kinda hit a rough patch with where exactly I wanted this to go considering I wanted to stick with canon as far as the plot went but as new episodes come out and the outline I made began to fit less and less, I kinda lost steam. So, I decided to just go with what I had already mapped out, so for now, it's pretty much where it left off - this isn't going to be the case for long but I'll try to keep to the true plot as much as possible. The next chapter is already in the works so the next chapter shouldn't take as long as this one did. :-)

Within days after Mona Lisa made her departure with her partner, Raphael seemed to be back to his normal self just as soon. The longing looks and sad sighs toward the massive windows were becoming rare when new enemies and obstacles around every corner seemed to help him put his infatuation to the side for now.

April was not as lucky.

If anything, her feelings for Raphael did nothing but intensify.

It was rather stupid if she was completely honest with herself.

All of them were here, lost in the vastness of space, packed into a small spaceship being lead into God knows where by a strange robot with a human brain. These same occupants of aforementioned ship were single-handedly trying to retrieve pieces of a Black Hole Generator to stop the powerful race of Triceratons from destroying the Earth given what was told a very generous time to do so - a measly six months.

Wasn't there bigger things at stake here rather than her bleak outlook on the destruction of her previously envisioned love life?

If only it were that simple.

The ache she still felt the nights she'd catch him sneaking a glance at the window, looking over his shoulder when they entered an alien planet, wishing he'd see her there expecting him. It hurt, but as time passed, the days and weeks wore on, she began to notice the pain in her heart slowly dulled. Perhaps the crying the first night and a couple sparse ones later on did something to appease the flood of emotions, so for now, April choked the remainder to the side. But seeing that look in his eyes time to time just brought those to the surface and the pain was back... It made her realize something she was afraid to admit at first.

She was in love with him.

Just admitting it to herself was the hardest part. Choking down those growing feelings all these years only for them to burst forth to the surface the second she sensed the nearly instant chemistry Raphael shared with the beautiful Mona Lisa.

Perhaps it was jealousy.

April had always been the jealous type, so it seemed to make sense that the second she seen this beautiful alien woman lock lips with Raphael, she'd feel differently toward the turtle in red.

The only thing that blew that prospect out of the water was the lack of reaction to Leo's complete obsession over Karai and hearing Mikey telling stories of Renet. It didn't even bother her when Casey would overtly flirt with girls at their school and the incident with Bigfoot's obvious love of Donnie didn't faze her in the least...but this...

_It was different._

Over the course of the following weeks, April caught herself reaching out for him. Whenever he'd get knocked back by an enemy or tripped over an object on this strange alien landscapes, she'd be there to catch him and pull him up. Just for a moment, to have her arms around him; feeling his smooth reptilian skin underneath her fingertips caused such profound emotions rise to the surface. It even escalated to seeking him out - putting herself by his side and brushing along side him whenever the chance presented itself. If Raphael noticed her excessive touchy feeliness, he didn't say a word. So, for now, April remained his friend - but there was a volcano building inside of her and she knew if she allowed herself to remain quiet, she was bound to explode...

April woke up with a start - heart palpitating like a leaf lost upon a thick autumn breeze - the simple weather of. Palms itching and back drenched in sweat. Her chest was tight and she wasn't sure if her excessively realistic dreams were caused by the Fugitoid's psychic training or what; all she knew is it was going to drive her out of her freaking mind.

Closing her eyes to envision what she'd witnessed in her dream - the first thing she saw was him. Raphael. Strong, proud, Raphael. Standing next to him was someone she wished she'd never met and if she was perfectly honest, would be fine with never seeing again - Mona Lisa.

April could do nothing but watch helplessly as Raphael's beautiful green eyes lit up at the very sight of her - it was enough to make the redhead physically ill. Trying her damndest to turn away when Mona Lisa suddenly closed in on the nervous terrapin, grabbing his face and pressing her lips over his almost violently.

That was the moment she woke up.

Placing her sweaty face into shaking hands, April did her best to calm her heart. Why seeing something as innocent as a kiss made her so sick was quite disheartening. April did not want to be so hung up on Raphael, but she was finding it harder to reject the notion that in fact, she already was. Sparing a glance at her surroundings, she noticed everything around her was dark. The only lights being on was the small kitchen area, where the Fugitoid was quietly playing with a small piece of machinery. She wasn't sure when the presence of the strange robot became a comfort to her. Perhaps he reminded her much of her late grandfather and father. Unbelievably smart, soft-spoken and always building and creating something new.

"Are you alright, Miss April?" the robot asked, silently approaching her bed once he noticed she'd awoken with a sudden start.

"Yes. I'm fine." April answered, wiping some sweat off her brow, while cursing her nerves and hammering heart.

"Hmm. My sensors indicate your heart is at a distressed rate and you happen to be perspiring profusely. Are you sure you are feeling well, child?" his overtly kind voice continued. Concern easily readable on what would normally be a robotic face.

"Just a nightmare is all." she replied too quickly, brushing his notions off with a dismissive wave of her hand.

"Ahh. Yes. I should have realized sooner; perhaps informed you of the side effects of the training necessary to hone your psychic abilities"

"Side effects?" April asked curiously, praying that was the main reason for the vivid dreams.

"Yes. I'm not entirely how or why it occurs, but when you start training that particular part of your psyche, you subconsciously become more attached mentally to those you care and ponder most in your mind. Think of it as a thin line connecting; reaching out, if you will, toward those who are most significant in your life. During my studies with various subjects, I've concluded that many even have the ability to share dreams, or those very visions have the ability to transform into a manifestation of your greatest fears; even desires. Whether or not they are based in reality or your own troubled subconscious is not really known. Of course, it's just a theory. If it would make you feel better, I'd be happy to listen to what this one was about - it might even help better diagnose what you're dealing with."

"No!" April replied before even registering the volume of her voice; hands itching to cover her mouth, but resisted the need to. "N-No thanks, Fugitoid. I'm sure it was just a fluke. I'm fine - really." she continued with a nervous smile and forced chuckle, hoping against hope the robot would believe her. She highly doubted it considering she was exhibiting every single sign her words were lie.

"Oh. Yes, of course, Miss April. If you do happen to change your mind, I'll be right here. Now, get some rest, we have a long day ahead of us tomorrow! You're going to need lots of energy - I bid you goodnight." he trilled happily as he made his way back to the kitchen.

Once the robot was out of sight, April took a deep, relieved breath and lay back onto the mattress, sinking deep into the pillow beneath her head.

Alone with her thoughts once again, she came to the dreaded realization that none of this - these dreams, fears, and thoughts - simply put - they weren't just going to go away on their own. This plague of speculation and her true feelings toward the hotheaded terrapin were now invading every aspect of her life and they weren't about to drift off into the wind by the way things were falling into place. It was apparent they would only escalate if her dreams told her anything - it was a hard pill to swallow, but there was only one way to tackle this.

**Head on.**

If she'd learned anything or admired one particular thing about Raphael, it was his distinct ability to take anything with chest puffed out and head held high - he didn't shy away from conflict - he confronted it, and she'd have to do the same; had to just lay it down on the table before she went insane. Even if it was horrendously awkward or made a complete and utter fool of herself - she'd even have to confront the chance that it would completely ruin her relationship with everyone on board - she couldn't bring herself to care what anyone thought anymore.

The agony of just _being_ around him was torture; eating her from the inside out til she was a husk of nerves and desperate longing to never leave his side.

As much as she'd wish to just take this dreaded secret to her grave and let Raphael go along wishing for Mona Lisa to return on her space ship, April wouldn't allow it to happen until Raphael knew the feelings she'd been harboring for far too long. It didn't matter anymore if he would ever feel the same - it was something she had to do before she went completely mental. _She had to._ There was no going back now.

A sigh of acceptance tickled her lips on its way out her mouth and April closed her eyes, fully preparing herself for whatever waited for her on the other side of consciousness.


	4. Confessions Part 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some things just need to be said...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> After some slight reconfiguration, I'm still going with canon for now. The newest episode made it into this with the extra RaMona meeting and make-outs and all that jazz. So, if she's not a re-occurring character (which I think she might be. Not sure - if you do know, let me know.) this will remain canon for now up to the point of the last episode. Hope y'all enjoy.

April saw red.

Anger flooding through her system yet her smile remained as the story was retold. Her and Casey forced to stay on the ship as the turtles went to Dimension X to talk to the Utrom Council...and where they met Mona Lisa once again...She ground her teeth as Mikey teased Raphael how many times him and Mona Lisa made-out...

Her vision had come true after all...

Tears were searing the back of her eyes, threatening to spill; all April could do was bite her lip and force them back, the pressure of her teeth definitely providing enough force to cut her bottom lip. Inside, she was slowly falling apart and she still had yet to tell him how she felt...but the strain smile still remained.

Her time in these terse moments was beating herself up; she'd spent so long just wasting time and stalling instead of outright telling him how she felt...and now she just lost more ground. If anything, it only made it worse, for Raphael seemed even more infatuated, spouting off words like "girlfriend" and the way his eyes lit up when he was speaking...it was almost enough to make April physically ill. Heart hammering, palms sweating and the worst headache that seemed to split between her skull were only a few of the symptoms; not to mention it felt like a powerful vacuum was attempting to suck the soul right out of her chest.

During her internal struggle, April failed to notice the Fugitoid's robotic eyes intensely studying her. Easily sensing her great distress and processing how such a happy story of young love and conquering enemies together could cause the young woman's body to react as such. At first, it was barely noticeable, but over time, he began worrying; noticing the young, mostly vibrant Miss O'Neil began distancing herself from the group; excluding herself from certain conversations... It was a puzzle to be sure and he wanted to get to the bottom of it before April's distressed worsened.

As Mikey, Leo, Donnie, and Raph prattled on and on about their fight, Mikey and even Casey began their consistent teasing of Raphael's escapade with the beautiful Mona Lisa - April finally had enough. Without saying a word to the group, she'd turned around and headed deeper into the ship and for her small cot which had become like a safe haven and a simultaneous prison. Little did she know that someone did in fact notice her strange behavior and retrieval.

"Hey, April. You alright?"

_Raphael..._

April froze in her tracks upon hearing his voice, the concern that laced that soft, deep rasp nearly bringing her to her knees.

"I'm fine. Just feeling a bit under the weather is all." April said almost too quickly as she turned toward him, the biggest smile she could muster lighting up her face but never reaching her eyes.

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah. Thanks." She replied, suddenly noticing all of the eyes on her and wished more than ever she was a turtle just for the opportunity to burrow into a shell and never come out. Without another word, she turned around and headed toward her bed; once her head hit the pillow, the tears broke free and she spent the remainder of the night forcing her sobs to remain silent in the excited voices echoing throughout the cabin.

It was the longest night of her life...

Once consciousness hit, it was if a weight was pressing down on her chest. April knew the only person she had to blame for any of this...was herself. It was her own damn fault she never told him how she felt at those many opportunities at Northampton...o many instances...lost in a perfect moment with just him...but she didn't take that chance then; now she was paying for those consequences. There was nothing left to lose, if anything, that gave her more determination to be alone with him in order to confess everything she'd intended to say for so long now. Now it was only a matter of time...but like all things in life - they don't always go the way you planned.

When this seemingly normal day began, the group found themselves fighting for their lives on yet another alien planet April couldn't pronounce or even remember the name of. There were allies, enemies, and just so many various aliens they'd encountered made time seem barely discernible at all anymore- flying by the speed of light without preamble as they went forward to their destination of getting the last two remaining pieces of the black-hole generator.

It was hard work and it was an absolutely perilous journey into the unknown every single day they still found themselves flying through so many vast galaxies; planets and moons they visited. It was taking a toll on April's already battered psyche and emotional state.

April knew she needed to act fast. Ever since that revelation she'd had that night, she'd been stalling; not wanting to announce it to him with everyone around. She'd been waiting for an opportune moment where she could speak with him alone and just lay her soul bare to the hotheaded terrapin. So far, there was no chance to catch him alone; wherever they seemed to go, there was always someone around; someone there to break any second they'd spend within arms reach and it was beginning to get frustrating.

Two days later, they'd taken a pit stop on a planet; rejoicing in a much needed break and a chance to reload on supplies before heading to the remaining pieces. In other words, time was running short. From looking at the maps and hearing Fugiotoid talk, it sounded as if they would meet up with the Triceratons again very soon - and wherever they were, the Salamandrians wouldn't be too far behind.

It was now or never...

It was a relatively quiet evening, or what felt like it. It was hard to discern between day and night cycles anymore by jumping by so many planets and stars, it was hard to keep track. On this particular planet, the sun was still high in the sky, yet their inner-clock told them it was already past six. It was quite disorienting, but one grew used to it after so long. As of now, Mikey and Leo were busy preparing dinner, Donnie was helping Fugitoid patch up some damaged programming when they went through the latest force field. Casey had a bad case of food poisoning after eating a sample a food vendor alien was offering, so he was off taking a nap. Raphael was getting ready to take off solo to barter with a couple pirates when April suddenly spotted her chance.

"Hey, mind if I come with you?" April asked suddenly, catching up with the hotheaded terrapin, who just glanced back at her curiously; after all, bartering with alien pirates was hardly something the redhead would enjoy on any other occasion.

"Uh...Sure. I don't see why not." Raph replied with a quick smirk, not slowing his stride in the least.

April took a deep calming breath; it was only fate or sheer luck April that she suddenly found herself alone with the object of her hidden affections. Everything inside of her tensed up, one side screaming at her to just tell him before she imploded and the other telling her to just play it cool. Neither voice she was listening to at all; remaining silent, not wanting to say a word til they'd escaped far away from the prying eyes of his brothers or Casey before she made a choice on what voice to listen to.

The silence was tense; so tense you could cut it with a knife. April was having an internal battle with herself and Raphael was a little put off by the whole situation. He would have rather went alone; these pirates were dangerous and having April here just made her a target, which gave him an extra job just to protect her.

Once a building came into sight, Raphael hatched a quick plan.

"Hey." he muttered, offering his arm to her. The confusion that flashed across her eyes made him continue, "It's best we stay as close as possible. If they think we're together, they're less likely to target and attack us."

Raph did a double take when he saw her face suddenly flush, staring at his pre-offered arm before almost nervously wrapping hers around his own.

"Really? You think the 'Power in Numbers' thing works if there's only two of us?"

"Meh. Couldn't hurt." he chuckled, his eyes trained forward as they came closer to their destination.

The buildings became clearer and April's heart pounded against her sternum. Just the texture of his skin under her hand was almost enough to drive her into the deep end; she even chanced a look at him and couldn't look away.

_God, had he always been so handsome?_

Ripped rudely from her daydream, she cringed upon hearing muffled alien voices. As many new planets they'd been on and aliens they encountered, April still wasn't used to it. She'd put on her game face and just muscled through it; not speaking as Raphael started talking to some strange snake like creature operating a scrap metal stand. If anything, her arm only tightened around his own; subconsciously, her other hand lifted to press firmly against his bicep as she curled into him as tight as possible.

The two seemed to make an agreement, some money was exchanged and a few small pieces of expensive metal were handed to Raphael, who removed his arm from her to put them into a bag Fugitoid had given him.

"Is that all you need?"

"Yeah. They're some patching pieces for the core of the ship."

"...Really?" April asked, giving him a confused look after seeing the strange greenish metal with copper flecks.

Raph chuckled, "Heh. Yeah. Supposedly, this type of metal is the only kind that won't send all the programs into whack or something. Heh. Well, some drivel like that; ya know, when Donnie goes off on his rants, I barely listen to the exact details, but Fugitoid agreed that it would be a good idea to have just in case." he explained, attaching the bag to his belt.

"Hopefully we won't need it and all goes well, but it can't hurt." April replied with a shrug and a smile.

"Exactly. So, um, do you need anything before we head back?" Raph asked, gesturing to some food stands across the way.

"Nah, I don't think I'm touching alien food after what happened to Casey." April said with her tongue sticking out. The ease of light banter with Raphael is something she still continued to treasure when it developed at that small farm in Northampton what felt like a lifetime ago.

"That was his own damn fault. He's the only person I know that would ever touch an eight-headed snot monster's cooking. " Raph chuckled.

"Heh...but you know as well as I do how Casey loves his free samples. Also, I'm sure it couldn't have been any worse than the algae and worms you ate most your life." April laughed, lightly elbowing Raph in his plastron.

"Don't knock it til' ya try it...hey, speaking of which, that looks like some right there." he said, his eyes flicking over to a stand close by. "How about it, April? Wanna give it a try? It's delicious." Raph continued in a sing-song voice, gently pushing her toward a large glass stand that showcased a bunch of various plants and insects; raw and cooked in all sorts of various ways.

"No thanks." she muttered, smelling just how putrid some of the odors exhibiting from the stand made her nearly retch - not to mention how disgusting all of them looked.

"You sure? Hmm... Let's see? How about those worms over there? They're the best raw." Raph continued, large, green finger pointing toward the direction of the still-wriggling insects.

"You ate _raw_ worms?" April gaped, pointing to large, snot colored worms with horrifying red eyes, all wiggling in a pile.

"You bet. The best part is when they wiggle all the way down to your stomach. Ooh, look, there's a loose one right now." he said and April downright shrieked when she felt a sudden tickle along the underside of her neck. Clapping her hand down at the offending movement, she found her hand atop of Raph's index finger, the cause of the swift tickling.

April stole a glance at him ready to scream obscenities for him freaking her out...but she just stopped in her tracks. He was smiling - not a smirk - a genuine smile that lit up his whole face and it nearly took her breath away.

_God, she loved him so much..._

"Raph, can I talk to you?" it was a sudden and serious question and April wasn't exactly sure what possessed her to realize it was _this_ very moment to tell him, but the words left her mouth before her brain caught up.

Raphael didn't hide the surprise in his face - his eyes slightly widened and his once-smiling mouth now flinched in a slight downward pull. His eyes screamed absolutely confusion, which was understandable since they were just talking about worms.

"Uh...Sure, April. What is it?" Raph asked, removing his hand from around her neck and nervously brushing his suddenly sweaty palms against his sides.

April glanced around, noticing many alien eyes watching the two carefully. There was no way in hell she was confessing her undying love to him here. "Not here. This way." April declared softly, walking back in the direction they came, away from the buildings and even away from the ship. If Raph was getting weirded out or confused, he didn't say anything, just dutifully followed along. It was about ten minutes later, they found themselves at a small, obscure oasis, a few trees blocking out the heat of the midday sun.

April swore her heart was going to give out at any moment as Raph stood beside her and the weight of his eyes bore into the side of her head.

"Nice place. Heh. So...what exactly did you wanna talk about?"

This was it. Everything leading up to this moment was flashing before her eyes, every moment she wanted to say it - just flat out admit she'd fallen for him - but never did. It was now or never; no more excuses. Blue eyes narrowing in determination, she met his; Raph continuing to look at her curiously, arms loosely crossed and a half-smile lifting the edges of his lips as he stared at her expectantly. Looking at him now only made the explosive feelings she had for him stronger...

A deep breath filled her lungs and without even realizing the words were pouring from her mouth, the words she'd been latching onto since those months spent in Northampton...

"...I love you."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> God, I'm evil, I know... Sadly, I will be absent next week, so hopefully, I will update this by the 19th, but I'm not making any promises. Have a great day, y'all! xoxo


	5. Confessions Part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> April finally reveals the secret she'd been hoarding for months...with disastrous results...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the long wait! Here you go! I'm hoping to update again before the new episode airs next week but no promises.

"I love you..." the words seeming to echo in her ears long after her mouth stopped moving.

Bravely directing her eyes back to him before she said it and was able to discern the moment her words hit him. Green eyes widening almost humorously as he stared at her in abject shock. The silence that followed didn't make it any better - the universe seemingly against her as a wind fluttered through the air and through the trees - an almost comical pause - much like something you'd see in a Hollywood script in order to create dramatic tension.

"...W-wait...Uh...W-What?" he asked, face a strange mixture of confusion and mortification as his brain struggled to take in the words. The voice was small but it broke through the silence like a crack of lightening upon April's fragile heart.

A deep exhalation fell from her lips; calming herself in preparation for saying it again. This time she was certain to repeat it in a sure, crystal clear tone; fists trembling at her sides as the words flowed out.

" _I_ _ **love**_ _you, Raphael._ "

"...What? Heh. April, are you feeling okay?" Raph said, nervous laughter escaping between his lips as his eyes narrowed at her; the disbelief etched into bright green irises.

"I'm perfectly fine, Raphael." April replied, hating how tears immediately gathered on her bottom lashes as she sensed his doubting and suspicious tone. The quiet moments that followed were the most debilitating she'd ever experienced. All Raphael did was stare at her as if she'd grown two extra heads; like she'd gone completely mental. The still functioning part of her brain told her it was probably just a defense mechanism on his part, but it still hurt just as bad.

All of a sudden, he started laughing and her heart fractured.

"Haha...O-Okay, okay. Did Casey or Mike put you up to this? I never pictured you to be the one for pranks, April, but I gotta admit, that's pretty good." Raph said arms in an upright placating motion with his palms forward, his nervous laughter wasn't hiding his panic at her sudden confession in the least.

April remained utterly stone silent as he continued staring at her; April's face refused to change and when a rebel tear slid down her cheek, he realized this was no joke and his face mirrored hers. The smile that was just lighting up his face fell and his laughter faded into nothingness as his eyes remained glued upon hers; hoping, praying he'd see some form of deception or sarcastic humor lighting those eyes - but there wasn't.

"...You're serious." Raph whispered, more of a statement than a question but April answered anyway.

" **Yes.** I love you, Raphael. I have for a long time." April confessed in the most serious tone he'd ever heard fall from her lips.

The realization suddenly washed over him like acid rain; his brows furrowed and hands shook as if tempted to pinch himself to see if this was somehow, all just a dream. Staring at the girl who he once admitted he may have fallen for so long ago admitting feelings he had no idea about shook him to the core. This confession that previously may have made him fucking overjoyed to hear now burrowed deep into his gut like a bucket of ice. His heart hammered and lungs seared inside his chest; making it difficult for him to breathe as he recalled so many instances leading up to this very moment. So many moments they spent in Northampton together - a place and time that felt like another dimension - how after months of thinking of maybe perhaps she felt something other than friendship toward him... He walks out to see her kissing Donnie after everything they'd been through at that small farm...and if you compared it to everything she said just now... None of anything April was saying made sense and it only filled him with unquenchable anger that he quickly embraced like a moth drawn to a raging inferno.

"...a-and listen, I wanted to tell you forever ago, but-" April continued talking but Raphael was too far gone to listen.

" **Dammit, April!** " Raph suddenly shouted, taking a step back from her and the redhead jumped at the anger that laced his voice. "Are you freaking _serious_ right now?" he started laughed mirthlessly, really not knowing what else to do. "You _ **love**_ me?! Are you _crazy_? I-I... I just don't get it. We've known each other for years and you decide that **now** is the perfect time to tell me this!?"

"I already told you that I meant to tell you sooner, but-"

" **Bullshit!** " Raph growled, moving even farther away from her as she tried to approach. "I saw you kiss Donnie at Northampton! There's no way in hell you fell for me that long ago and still kissed my brother! How could do that?! Not only to me, but to _**him**_!?" he roared and April's chest ached with dreadful realization.

"You _saw_ that?"

"Sure did." he replied, chuckling mirthlessly and head shaking slightly at this entire situation he'd found himself in. "You fucking lead me on for _months_ there, April! We were doing everything together and I was thinking maybe, just _maybe_ you'd feel something more - than out of the blue, you're kissin' my brother!"

"Please just listen to me, Raph! I was _confused!_ I-I didn't know what was happening - the whole world was crumbling beneath us and you know as well as I do how much crap I was dealing with! I-I know you were too with Leo but you don't _get_ it - you were in the bathroom with him all the time when I was busy with cleaning, cooking, laundry, shopping - just trying to keep us all fed and live! Oh, and don't forget I was serving as a tether-ball for Casey and Donnie, bouncing back and forth and dealing with all that drama! I-I don't know _why_ I kissed him. Don was just so sad and...I knew I shouldn't have but I had to do _something_...but...even during that... All I thought of was _you._.. You were the one who was there for me in Northampton; even if was just someone to talk to or to let me beat in a spar once in awhile...but there was just so much doubt about how I was feeling - so much doubt about _everything_... Oh, Raph, I was just _afraid_!"

"Afraid of what?" Raph asked, the deep rasp of his voice was not one she'd heard from the turtle in such a long time; the anger and hostility simmering right beneath the surface.

"...afraid you wouldn't feel the same."

"Heh." Raph's gaze fell to the ground for a moment, the silence stifling as it washed over the landscape. "Well, can't say you weren't right." he continued, finally meeting her eyes; the sound of his tone when he finally chose to speak was worrying.

"W-what?" she was terrified to ask but the words came out anyway.

" _I don't._ " Raph said and the finality of it was the final crack that completely shattered her heart inside of her chest.

"..." words didn't form as she stared at the terrapin; his stone cold facade was unreadable and soon became blurry as tears formed on her bottom lashes. Those bright green eyes she used to read so easily were closed off without any indication they'd be legible again.

"I don't love you and if you're honest with yourself, you don't love me either, April. If you did you would have told me a long time ago; you never would have kissed my brother. You don't just kiss people because you feel sorry for them, and if you did, that's just plain cruel. How you could do that to him makes me sick and the the only reason you're saying this to me now is because I have Mona Lisa - _I've moved on_ \- and you haven't. Heh. You're just feeling left out because Donnie and Casey pay more attention to each other than they do to you now." the words cold and cruel in a tone Raph usually reserved for enemies.

"Raph, that's not true! I - you don't understand, I - " April tried screaming, tears desperately wanting to fall, but April refused to cry now.

"That's enough, April... J-Just... **Enough**." Raph crossed his arms over his chest, literally and figuratively blocking his heart from whatever else April tried to say. He'd heard enough and didn't care to hear more. He saw a few tears slip down her cheeks and he felt a sudden tug at his heart but ignored it - that may have worked some time ago, but not anymore. "I found someone who likes me and told me right away - she doesn't sugarcoat crap, hide feelings, or lead people on. And Mona sure as hell didn't kiss my brother just to come tell me months later that she loves me way after I've already moved on."

"I made a mistake, Raphael! I regret it every day! The only reason I'm saying anything now because it's killing me inside! Just because you touched noses with a freakin' alien doesn't mean anything! You can't even pronounce her real name!"

"Just shut it, April! Just because you're jealous and stuck in the past doesn't mean I'm letting you drag me with you. I may have felt something back then, but I'm never making that mistake again. I'm done - I've moved on. Mona Lisa really cares about me and I lo-"

"How can you!? You know **nothing** about her!" April screamed, red hot anger began piercing through and the stubbornness she was always known for shone threw when she heard that lizard's name.

"I know enough and I'll get to know her better when this is all over. W-We've just didn't have much time yet but we'll make it work!" Raph growled.

April began laughing hysterically, hands supporting her stomach. Green eyes narrowed at her and Raph's cheeks subconsciously flushed in reaction to her laughing at him - it only made his anger burn stronger.

"Do you really believe that's going to happen!? What? S-she's just gonna leave her family, planet, and partner to live in some stinky Earth sewers with you? Do you actually think that's gonna happen after all of this is over? Are you _insane_!?" April shrilled, her Irish heritage the only reason she was able to speak to him in such a condescending way; chest felling like a puncture wound with every harsh word exchanged.

"Don't talk about her like you even know her, April! You don't know _anything_ about her!"

"Oh, and you do!?" April laughed, fists resting on flared hips; determined blue eyes refusing to break contact with his narrowed green irises.

Silence befalling both of them - their stance rigid and confrontational as they stared at each other; waiting for the other to break.

"If she won't come with me...maybe I'll just go with her." he spoke in a whisper and all the fight inside of the redhead faded like a candle flame enthralled in a hurricane.

"You _hate_ space, what the hell are you talking about?" April grumbled.

"It's not bad. If I'm with her, I'll live with it."

"...You'd really leave Splinter...your brothers...everything on Earth...for _**her**_?"

"..." he refused to answer.

"I don't know who you are right now, but the Raph that _I know...and love..._ cares about his family more than _anything_...he would **never** do that..." April declared adamantly, her fists shaking like a leaf at her sides.

"Than maybe you don't know me as well as you think you do." Raphael replied, arms tightening over his chest. "Because really, what would you know, April? You're a girl who'd kiss someone who loves her _so much_ out of fucking _pity_ only to confess supposedly true feelings for his own brother! Heh. Shows how much you really know about love or any kind of emotion - at least with me and Mona, we know where we stand. Maybe we do have a few things to work on but what couple doesn't? We'll find a way to make it work in our own time, so why don't you just mind your business and leave me the hell alone?" the words final and earth-shattering; without even a final glance, Raphael turned and walked away.

The very instant his form vanished from sight, April collapsed to the ground with an animalistic yell and heartbroken sob.


	6. Collateral Damage

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> April has to face the consequences of her actions...or does she?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Woo! Got it up before the new episode - which they changed from the 26th to March 13th giving me more time to hash out what I want before the new episodes. Anyhoo, when they do, I'm gonna be so diverted from canon at that point it won't even matter but I'll try and stay true for now.

She fucked up.

Like, royally, unequivocally, big time - _fucked up._

It had only been five minutes since Raphael left her alone in this alien oasis, sitting flat on her ass and crying like a three-year old having the temper tantrum of a lifetime. It was rather silly if she thought about it logically - after all, what did she _expect_ to happen?

Was she so delirious that she was fully inclined to believe that Raphael would just give her that devilishly handsome smirk she loved and hated all at the same time before swooping her up into his arms; forgetting about the beautiful space lizard, and kiss her breathlessly before telling her he loved her back?

Maybe she was the delusional one...

April let out another shaky sigh as the truth hit her like a ton of bricks. Raph knew what happened with her and Donnie in Northampton - he KNEW. It should have made sense. She recalled after that fateful kiss that Raphael began avoiding her. Where he'd usually seek her out to play video games, go to the lake, spar, or pretty much anything, he began isolating himself. He'd pushed her away and while it was odd, Raphael was infamous for his mood-swings and she chalked it up to the stress and the fact they were leaving the farm soon...at least that's what she made herself believe.

But the main reason her stomach was now in knots over the fact that her secret was revealed is that Raphael was _certain_ to tell Donnie **everything**...

April hated herself for admitting she kissed him in a moment of desperation; for the only reason was to cheer him up. The redhead should have realized the life-shattering consequences a little kiss could have for Donnie. He'd been chasing her since day one and never had any signs of letting up and while she tried many a time to tell him she didn't feel the same, she couldn't bring herself to say the words. Just like with Raphael now; it was cowardice. She'd held something inside too long and procrastinated telling anyone just to keep the peace. Instead, she lead him on, even kissed him in a moment of carelessness, and ended up confessing her undying affection to Raphael - who knew about the kiss all along and never said a word...

Now all that was left was to wait for the house of cards to fall.

It was over. She'd done what she'd set out to do - she told him she loved him and it blew up in her face. The only consultation for her right now was damage control - to try and piece together all the shattered pieces of what her small confession caused; and pray to God that it didn't collapse around her...

But she was afraid it already had.

In retrospect, she didn't fully expect Raphael to return her feelings, but she never expected to be outright _rejected_.

The pain that accompanying someone she loved outright telling her he didn't feel the same was a blow to her heart... April supposed she deserved it especially after what she'd done to Donatello - How she'd kissed that sweet, loving, kind, beautiful person...out of pity. Out of the sheer fact that she wanted to wipe that look off his face; the devastated look of heartbreak that was most likely etched across hers right now. The regret of it all would certainly never fade away.

April adjusted from her seat on the cold, hard ground - the alien sun of this planet not warming her skin in the least. The residual bucket of ice still resting in her gut as she prepared to face what she'd done.

An irreparable damage she just caused herself and others around her. The redhead pondered the possibility of maybe just staying here; of never going back on the ship but the more logical part of her told her that she put herself in this mess and just sitting here and wallowing in her own self pity was not going to help anybody. By Earth standards, she was basically a full grown woman and needed to own up to her mistakes even if the ending result was catastrophic; she'd made her bed, now she had to lie in it. When the redhead was finally able to pull herself to her feet, the sun began descending toward the horizon line; a question as to how many hours of daylight this planet had blipped in the radar of her mind but was ignored for the tumultuous reality she was about to face.

Wiping her eyes of excess tears and brushing the dirt from her rump, April O'Neil made her way back to the ship - scenes and scenarios she was soon about to face filling her chest with searing dread...

* * *

April didn't count or even register how long she'd walked until she found the familiar shape - everything inside of her told her to turn around and never return, but what would it accomplish? She wanted to see her dad again; Splinter, the Earth - a place where everything made sense - and if she lost the friendship of all the turtles and Casey in the process - so be it. Finally in front of the large white alien vehicle, April took a deep breath before walking past the threshold of the inner ship and to her shock, her eyes fell upon a relatively quiet scene - not the fiasco or the feeling of glaring eyes searing holes in her head that she expected. It was...normal, but the voice of Donnie calling out had those doubts pouring back in.

"Hey, there April! Glad to see you're back. I was about to go looking for you!" he said while he swiftly approached, the light airiness of his voice so full of happiness threw her for a loop as she adjusted to this reality.

Without answering, her eyes sought out the form of Raphael, who was sitting over at one of the tables with Casey playing some sort of board game the vigilante had bought at a random port. The hotheaded terrapin's back was to her so she couldn't discern the look on his face but she still sensed the hostility toward her leaking off of him in visceral waves. Her eyes suddenly caught the brown irises of Casey, who appeared to be in better health than that morning, and it was as if everything was _too_ normal; for when the lanky human met her eyes, he didn't give any consolation as to anything being amiss, just gave her that easy smile and a soft wave before going back to the game.

If this was how the shit hit the fan, this was not what she was expecting.

Raphael knew **_everything_** ; he knew she kissed Donnie without returning his feelings and ditto went for Casey excluding the kissing part...yet the two were acting as if nothing had happened. Which shouldn't be the case if Raphael told them everyth- ...then it hit her...

Raphael didn't say anything.

It felt like a ton of bricks suddenly set up shop in her stomach, the debilitating weight of her actions and Raphael's knowledge nearly took her breath away - yet he didn't tell them. Her mind began going a thousand miles a second questioning everything. Was he just waiting for the opportune moment to spill the beans? Or perhaps going to use it as blackmail? Did he have some sinister plan to cause the -

"...April?" Donnie's voice broke through her inner ramblings and made her realize she'd completely spaced out.

With sobering awareness and the weight of Donnie's eyes on the side of her head, April chirped happily, "Yeah, sorry, guess I got a little distracted."

"Raph told us you guys found a secluded oasis with palm trees and a lake and that you wanted to take a swim. I was kinda mad at him for leaving you alone, but it seems as if you made it back in one piece. So, did you have a nice time? No weird aliens tried to creep on you did they?" Donnie asked in his usual ramble and April had a hard time holding his gaze. Her stomach was doing somersaults in her gut and bile was rising in her throat; the horrendous guilt over the ease of this conversation made her sick considering what had just transpired and what Raphael knew...

A part of her wished he had just told them everything...yet another was grateful he hadn't.

"Yeah. It was great. I just needed a little alone time. You know, being the only girl on the ship isn't easy." April replied with a half-mast shrug and a fake smile.

"Hey, April, are you okay? Your eyes look a bit-"

" _Ooh,_ you had yourself some girl time? A little spa day, huh, April?" Mikey butted in and April had never been so relieved. The youngest turtle nudged her in the side with a gentle elbow and smiled warm and openly at her.

"Yep. Girl's gotta look her best to meet all the slimy aliens." April joked back even if she felt completely hallow inside.

"Aww dang! It's too bad we're leaving tonight. I would have loved to take a swim in water that isn't full of dirt and sludge cause ya know, all this wind and sand without a proper bath is _really_ dryin' me out! My skin is so _itchy_ , dudette!" Mikey grumbled, roughly scratching his arms to make a point.

"Yuck, Mikey! We just vacuumed! Don't get all your molted scales everywhere!" Donnie shrilled, stepping away from where a pile of small white flakes began falling from the youngest turtles body. April silently pondered how they looked a lot like big flakes of dandruff and her stomach tensed at the nauseating sight.

"Hey, Mikey. I have some seaweed lotion I picked up at the last port if you'd like to try it. It keeps my skin nice and soft." April replied, grabbing Mikey's hand that continued to scratch at his opposite arm.

"Oh, really?! Mind rubbin' some on my shell too? It's itchy but I can never seem to reach it." Mikey begged, big blue eyes winning her over in a heartbeat.

"Mike, I don't know if-" Donnie tried to intervene but April interrupted.

"Sure, Mikey." April replied with a small genuine smile this time. The smallest turtle sure had an amazing way of making one forget their troubles, even earth-shattering ones and she eagerly welcomed the distraction. His freckled face lit up before taking off toward the bunks where their stuff was stored. Before leaving after the orange banded turtle, April's eyes met Donnie's for a split-second and her heart nearly broke at how easily he smiled at her. The molten hot boulder in her stomach reappeared and she took off after Mikey without another word.


	7. Confusion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Donnie isn't the only one confused about the whole situation...

The purple-banded turtle stood there for a short amount of time after she followed the youngest terrapin out of the room; heart hammering and mind flooding with unanswered questions as to what exactly just occurred in those last few moments.

When Raphael had returned alone to the ship, Donatello, for lack of a better word, freaked out; demanding to know where April was and why pray-tell, had Raphael left her all alone?! While this was not a hostile planet by any means, it was a restocking one where any alien from anywhere in the cosmos could just waltz in and cause havoc. Not an ideal location for a teenage girl (human one at that) to be left alone; especially unarmed.

It was flat-out irresponsible, not to mention just a _really_ bad idea.

The answers Raph reluctantly gave were vague at best - oasis, trees, and nice watering hole were the only indication the hot-headed terrapin provided; it wasn't enough for Donatello, who made the move to head to exit of the ship to find her when Raphael swiftly grabbed his arm. Warm brown met fierce green and Donnie was taken aback by the hostility held in Raph's gaze; being the least close of the brothers, he had a hard time deciphering its meaning, but the gist was understood; _don't go after her._ Raphael's eyes closed after that - an abyss of green contempt dissipated in the blink of an eye - so did the questions Donnie had planned to ask regarding the sudden change in his red-banded brother's behavior.

Instead, Donnie focused on his main concern - April.

Donnie calmly pulled his arm out of Raph's firm grasp and asked where she had went and why he couldn't go find her. Raphael had explained she wanted to take a swim and to be left alone. Brows furrowed and lips tilted downward was a clear indication to Raphael that Donnie did not believe him; yet, the red-banded turtle's face didn't change. Wanting to give his brother the benefit of the doubt, Donnie agreed to give her an hour, but he quickly informed Raphael that if she wasn't back in that time period, he was going after her - no ifs, ands, or buts - Raphael silently agreed; giving a terse nod before he took off to find Casey.

The next hour was hell as Donnie paced back and forth, his eyes not straying too far from the digital clock on the nearest computer. The numbers were only three minutes from hitting the hour mark when April reappeared, face stained with tears, dirt smudges and bloodshot eyes; everything inside him broke to see it. Donnie imagined her coming back refreshed and relaxed, but she was anything but. It was at this moment he knew he was missing a vital piece of the story - and he knew he'd been lied to - by exactly whom, he wasn't sure.

Donnie still retained his propensity to never blame his April; instead, he smiled while greeting her; making quick conversation and she'd responded easily enough even if she seemed unnaturally distracted and distant. Within a few minutes, he'd broken and asked if she was okay, but then was interrupted by Mikey (wouldn't be the first or last time). At that moment, he wanted to pull her aside and continue the conversation, but seeing how her eyes lit up at Mikey's suggestion and good-natured humor and Donnie didn't have the heart to further escalate whatever was causing April distress. Instead, he stood silently as Mikey and April conversed, her smile warm and eyes soft as she looked at the smallest turtle; his easy charms and happy demeanor seeming to lift her spirits.

As he watched it, all that went though his mind was what exactly happened?

Donnie let out a sigh as his eyes fell from where Mikey and April disappeared over five minutes ago. He wanted to pry, to get to the bottom of the issue and exactly what had transpired to cause April to act as such. Donnie had noticed it happening more recently; where April had always been cheerful and pleasant; easily including herself in conversations and being a vital part of the group; she'd began pulling away. Of course, he didn't blame her; they all had their off days and it wasn't easy being here with the literal fate of the world hanging over them. The genius terrapin supposed it could be just be a combination of the stress and being in such close quarters with everyone 24/7 was weighing on her harder than others. She was the only girl after all filled with a ship of boys - if the roll was reversed, Donnie could easily see how it would be odd.

So, for now, he let it go but reminded himself to keep a eye on her.

Donnie then left his spot, making his way over to where the Fugitoid was working on fixing some of the hardware with Leonardo; the genius terrapin didn't feel nor notice a set of green eyes watching his every move from the corner of their eyes.

* * *

Anger was easy to hold on to - easy to let it take hold of every part of your being and Raphael was a testament to that.

Anger was his greatest strength and weakness; Splinter drilled that little tidbit into him since the ripe age of four. Raphael was more than eager to use it for his benefit as much as possible as a child; loving how he could push his brothers to submission and the power it put behind his punches and kicks; but over the years, he'd come to rely on it like a crutch as his brother's ninjitsu progressed, he'd find himself falling behind. Their superior skill outweighing his bullish ability to try and compensate with his fierce strength alone. It was long, tough years under Splinter's guidance that finally had Raphael able to harness it in a way where he controlled it and not vice-versa; finally being able to conquer the fiery rage just under the surface. But at this moment; he allowed it to possess him; the engulfing flame of anger wedging itself in his chest ready to explode at any second.

Every step he took away from a sobbing April just fed that fire; every word she spoke and every lie she spun had his body shaking with the rage inside of him. The control he once had just slipped through his fingers like sand and there wasn't a dam that could stop it. The second his feet had touched upon the cool metal of the space ship, Donnie had been right in his face; screeching, demanding to know where April was and as much as Raphael's fists itched to pummel in Donnie's face for the sheer accusations and questions that came pouring from his mouth, a sobering awareness beat him to it.

Raphael wouldn't physically hurt his brother for no reason, but the way Donnie was yelling at him; making it seem like this whole situation was _his_ fault almost became too much for the hot-headed terrapin to handle. His mouth was open and he was good and ready to tell Donnie everything in that moment - all of April's lies and her confession - **everything** \- but his tongue didn't move. The protectiveness he'd always shielded over Donnie and Mikey came back with a vengeance - this was his little brother with a goofy gaped-tooth smile and big brown eyes.

Recalling the childhood that went by too fast; little Donnie always running around excited about this or that; making sure all their needs were met with incredible inventions. While him and Donnie were never particularly close, Raphael was fiercely protective of him; always hiding behind half-truths and white lies to make sure that childhood wonderment never faded. He wanted to protect his two little brothers from the harsh realities of the world as long as possible; hoarding secrets that would hurt them and burdening them on himself.

...and this was no different...

One glance at the big brown eyes of his brother had Raphael unclenching his fists and allowing them to rest limply at his sides. He simply couldn't do it. As angry as he was toward April and how much Donnie's accusations hurt, he could never do that to his tall, little brother.

**Never.**

All at once a lame story wrote itself and poured from his mouth - if Donnie didn't believe it, he didn't know. The genius terrapin made no comment disbelieving or otherwise and even backed down when Raphael made it quite clear he wasn't to go after April. After that terse moment, Raph took off, found Casey and made it his mission to act as if everything was fine on the outside even if he was crumbling inside.

Something he excelled at.

It only got worse when April showed up. The click of her shoes upon the floor had his scales pricking uncomfortably when she made her appearance back on the ship. Raphael didn't care at all to see her; only listening to the conversation between her and his genius brother.

It was almost too normal.

Her voice was a little nasally, but not overtly so; she acted as if nothing had happened save for an hour break for some girl time. Raph nearly had a heart attack when Donnie asked about her welfare and it dispersed the second Mikey made his sudden appearance.

Thank God for Mikey.

When April left, Raph turned to see Donnie standing there for a long moment just staring after her. How the brown-eyed terrapin was so obviously in love made Raphael's stomach turn; the pain that lodged itself in his chest was almost too much to bear. His face must have been evident of his inner turmoil when Casey's voice suddenly rang out.

"Hey, dude. You alright?"

Raph's eyes met Casey's and he inwardly wondered just how long he'd been staring into the abyss.

"Yeah - just tired."

"You sure that's all? Cause ya look like hell."

"Don't be actin' like you don't, assface." Raph said with a forced smirk and it even earned a chuckle from the lanky human.

"Assface? Really, Raph? How original. So, you gonna take your turn or am I gonna havta do it for ya?" Casey snickered, hand reaching for the dice but Raphael swept them up before the human could make contact with the twin cubes.

"A bit too eager to lose aren't we? Well, don't get your panties in a bunch, Case, you'll be losing soon enough." Raph replied, rolling the dice and moving his pawn - he played the rest of the game like this, bantering and comebacks that came second-nature to him. As much as he tried to stay in the present moment, his mind continually went back to those tense moments with April. His mind processing every word again and again until he was sure he was going crazy; his barely suppressed rage and confusion over what had just occurred lay just right beneath the surface.


	8. Fissure

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things proceed to only get worse...and questions are arising.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay! Got a new chapter up before the new episode that will finally air tomorrow (I'm just looking forward to the 1980 crossover themed episode on the 27th). Anyhoo, hope y'all enjoy. I do plan to finish this story up pretty quickly, so I suspect it's more than halfway done but you never know. ;-)

The clear cool water splashed over and over upon his face; the effect of it somewhat calming upon his heart that still hammered away in his chest. The last few days had been nothing but hell on Earth - or space, wherever they happened to be - Raphael didn't seem to care thinking about it much more. Ever since April had confessed, he'd been adamant to stay away from her; worried he'd blow up from the pent-up aggression that still lay dormant right underneath the surface. He was terrified he'd finally explode, saying all of the things he strove to keep from Donnie and Casey - _from everyone._

It wasn't until that little conversation with April had he'd noticed what an integral part she'd become to him. The easy conversation and banter as well as their shared dry, sarcastic humor always made for decent conversation when he'd find himself alone with her; now he couldn't even stomach the thought of being in a room with her... It wasn't exactly her confession that struck him to his core; he'd meddled with the same thoughts toward her once upon a time. Instead, it was realizing with dreadful clarity just exactly what she'd done to Donnie in Northampton. Kissing him without meaning it - giving him a glimpse of hope that perhaps she could actually love him back - to learn for certain that it was all out of pity. The sourness returned to his stomach as he splashed another large handful of water over his face.

The worst part still hung over him like a cloud - Donnie had been particularly meddling lately - asking why he was avoiding April and vice versa - the shift in what little balance there was on the ship was perpetually disturbed over the course of the past few days. Casey bringing up April all the time asking him why she looked so sad all the time now; having to fake the fact that he cared was more difficult than he thought.

It was driving him fucking crazy, and just when he was thinking things couldn't get worse, a voice suddenly came from the open bathroom door.

"...Why don't you say anything?" April's voice disturbed what little peace the cool water on his searing skin might be giving him.

His first instinct was to ignore her; a voice that once made him smile, butterflies to fill his stomach, and his heart beat a little faster now possessed him with anger he'd thought he'd learned to control. He'd wanted to bolt, push her aside and leave her in here alone, but once he heard the door close and lock behind her, he laughed humorlessly to himself.

The anger just under the surface began bubbling and right now, he didn't care if he erupted.

"I know you hate me, but please, Raph, I just need to know why you didn't say anything. It doesn't make any sense! You've had three days just to tell the whole ship _everything_ and you didn't say a single word!? WHY!?" April continued, her arms wrapping around herself as if she knew of the storm was about to head her way.

Raphael just stared at her for a moment - easily discerning the bags under her eyes, sunken cheeks indicating how little sleep and lack of food she must have been getting. Any concern he would may have previously felt didn't even make him flinch anymore.

"...Just how cruel do you think I am?" the words finally came out, just as biting as he'd hoped they would be.

April flinched at the tone but stood her ground, lowering her hands to make fists at her side. "I never said you were."

"Heh. Shows what little you know." Raph grumbled, looking away at her to stare at his distorted reflection in the stainless steel sink.

"I just don't understand...Why aren't you saying anything? Why are you protecting me?"

Raphael couldn't help but laugh at loud at the audacity of her statement; turning to peer at her over his massive deltoid. "You're delirious, Princess. There's no reason I'd protect you - I'm protecting Donnie." he stated coldly before continuing, "...and even I did tell him, what the hell would that accomplish? Do you think I'd really tell my baby brother that his crush and someone he finds absolutely no fault with kissed him outta pity? Not to mention confessed her feelings to me? Heh. As if you'd even own up to it if he came to ask you your side of the story. You'd probably kiss him again just to get off the subject."

April flinched at the harsh words but he left no time for her to refute before he continued.

"Just face it, April. You'll never own up to it and I guess it doesn't even matter. Donnie doesn't care - he still thinks you're so fuckin' perfect - he'd believe you over me anyday... So **that's** why I didn't tell him or anyone else and I'm not going to so you could stop worrying your pretty little head about it... So there. You happy?" Raph growled, uncrossing his arms and attempting to leave the room when April grabbed his arm but he quickly removed it none-too gently from her grasp.

"What do you want me to say Raphael? I already told you I'm sorry!" April screamed, hating how her eyes filled with tears so quickly.

"You shouldn't be apologizing to me!" he bellowed in her face before yanking open the door to only find the Fugitoid standing on the other side. Raph swallowed the lump that formed in his throat before turning to April and giving her a glare he only reserved for his most hated enemies. Without a further word, he walked around the robot and deeper into the ship; leaving April to stare helplessly at the very confused Fugitoid.

"I-Is everything alright?" the robot asked, the stutter very uncharacteristic of the genius android.

"Yeah...everything's fine." April said, the fake smile on her face not masking her sodden eyes in the least.

"...Are you sure?" the robot asked, his voice easily giving away the fact he didn't at all believe her.

"Yes, Fugitoid. Everything's good; now, if you'll excuse me, I-I have to go." April said, hating how nasally her voice was becoming. She quickly walked around the robot but was stopped in her tracks when his metal hand gently grabbed her wrist. It was only the power of her will that kept her calm as she turned to face Fugitoid's robotic emotionless face. The eyes of it that reminded her of the calm eyes of her father once now scared her; his eyes were piercing and she was terrified he'd be able to read her mind.

"Are you still planning to train with me later on today? I have some rather interesting psychic techniques I wish to show you." he asked and April's body practically deflated with relief.

"Y-Yeah. Sure! Of course. I'll see you later." April replied and smiled when the robot's hand released her wrist, allowing her to leave the area before any more questions could be asked.

"Looking forward to it." the Fugitoid said with a smooth wave of a hand.

The robot's eyes followed the redhead as she quickly vacated the premises and he knew something about the situation he'd just witnessed was off. In fact, the normal camaraderie of the ship had shifted since they'd left that restocking planet. Fugitoid wasn't exactly sure what had happened to change among the passengers, Raphael and April in particular, but he was adamant to get to the bottom of it before it could get any worse.

* * *

April took deep calming breaths from her seat on her bed; mind ablaze with the exchange she'd had with the hotheaded terrapin and the fixture of her tormented dreams as of late. Her heart hammered and tears threatened to leak, but she held them back; resolute to not cry over him yet again. It was her own damn fault she was in this situation to begin with and crying about it now wouldn't solve anything; it would only make it worse in the end.

The redhead shook her head, the ends of her ponytail flicking over her shoulder as she settled deeper into the firm mattress. So many thoughts swirled in her mind; situations of scenarios, what if's, and things she could have said and done differently...

The only thought that stood out above the rest was the fact that Raphael was right.

What she had done to Donnie was **despicable** and she hated that it took Raph to bring that fact to light. She'd lead the genius turtle on since they'd met; while not overtly flirting or even encouraging his belief that she'd liked him back; she _never_ refuted his feelings. Never just outright told him she didn't feel the same way; instead, she'd trudged on, mostly ignoring his kind, even romantic gestures and words hoping he'd just get the hint that she didn't like him that way. In doing so, she lead him on for so long and that one moment of weakness in Northampton caused the dam to break.

April had kissed him...and Raphael saw it.

The confusion she'd been harboring for weeks over the red-banded brother made the situation worse and she'd been juggling the idea in her head for longer. There was just something about Raphael that drew her to him; whether it be their similar personalities, stubbornness, dry sense of humor, and his physical strength - she wasn't sure... She'd romanced these thoughts and allowed them to flourish in her mind but yet they didn't take root until after Mona Lisa came into the picture. April felt like the biggest hypocrite in the world...not even realizing her feelings were legit for the strongest terrapin until after he had other options available to him.

In doing so, she'd not only drug herself through the mud...she'd taken Donnie with her...

A broken exhalation left her dry lips on the way out of her mouth; her tongue darting to wet her scorched skin. She admitted she'd blew it with Raphael; there was no forgiveness to be had, she was certain of that and she had no one else to blame. The only thing she could hope to do now was own up to what she had done as well as apologize for many of her transgressions. While it would be difficult to balance her own personal drama as well as save the world; she supposed it wasn't anything new for her. With her mind made up and resolute, April stood to her feet; ready to finally find Donatello and say words she should have so long ago...

As she made steps toward the living area of the ship, a sudden lurch caused her feet to abruptly leave the ground and a deafening explosion rang about the entire cabin.


	9. Crash

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A moment of life or death can bring people closer or even further rip them apart.

First thing April became aware of was the sensation of weightlessness - a pull on her gut that had a slight feeling of nausea to take permanent residence in her stomach. There was a blaring siren and the sound of an explosion. The sense of reality did not feel right and a sense of shock washed over her before she found the floor coming closer to her before she slammed face first into the metal flooring. Reality cleared up the shock and she pushed herself off the floor and wiped at the wet trail of blood leaking from her mouth.

The smell of smoke wafted into her nostrils and the cold hand of dread put her stomach in a choke-hold. She wanted to scream but her throat wouldn't cooperate as she stood to shaking feet to the floor that wouldn't stop moving. Sirens continued to blare as she hobbled like a dangerously drunk person toward the exit of the bedroom and found herself enraptured in utter chaos.

The turtles, Casey, and Fugitoid were scattered across the expanse of the main area. Mikey was nursing a bleeding leg as Leo held the youngest turtle close to himself and an object affixed to the ground to avoid them from being thrown back into the air. Donnie and Fugitoid were buckled near the controls as they tried to control the ship but the sense of panic was so thick, April was certain this was it and her eyes searched for the two missing occupants in complete fear.

"Red!" Casey screamed from across the room.

Big blue eyes stared at her human friend and the obvious concern written on his face as she tried to make her way to him when her knees suddenly buckled underneath her.

"What the shell's goin' on!?" the voice of Raphael broke out from across the threshhold to the kitchen area, his arm bleeding and April's stomach churned as she made his way toward Fugitoid and Donatello on quite steady feet.

There wasn't much chance for a reply from anyone as the ship lurched yet again and a sudden explosion hit along the window, the glass making a horrendous crackling noise.

Fugitoid let out a sound of panic when the thrusters or lasers wouldn't respond and April began shaking at the appearance of millions of meteors pummeled the ship. The robot launching himself toward the glass and immediately blasting it with wave after wave of high-powered lasers knowing if the glass gave, they were all doomed. "GET YOUR SUITS ON!" the robot's voice screeched, the sound of panic sounding much more human than machine at this point.

Leo was the first to move, running toward where April resided, before passing her and yanking out their suits from the room she'd just vacated. "Mikey! Get this on!" Leo screamed, throwing the youngest turtle the helmet which the he quickly obeyed.

"Donnie! Casey!" Leo continued, tossing both of them their respective helmets before putting his own on.

"April! Raph!" he said, tossing April both of the helmets before going further into the room to retrieve their other gear in the off-chance they had to abandon the ship.

April tried to meet Raph's eyes so she could toss him his helmet but he payed no attention to her; instead hobbling over to Mikey in order to help him bandage up his leg. But the scene didn't last long as a sudden lurch had them all flying across the ship and slamming into the adjoining wall like ragdolls. Donnie let out a yelp as he smashed into Casey and they both tumbled to the far end of the room in a heap of limbs. Leo kept his grasp on the wall which was the only reason he remained upright on the floor. Raph's head smashed into the wall but even as blood dripped down his face, he still valiantly held Mikey down by using his own body to wedge his smaller brother in the corner to make sure he didn't move and further aggravate his leg further. April found herself mobile again, rolling uncontrollably toward the console in the middle of the room and her arm slamming into the unforgiving metal. Just when it seemed the worst of it was over, the lights went out bathing them in seemingly eternal darkness.

When April's eyes opened, she was nursing a sprained elbow as she lifted herself up to a seated position. There was nothing around her but complete darkness, the only light came from the bright eyes of the Fugitoid and she crawled slowly toward the panicking robot.

The lights suddenly flashed on and April nearly screamed at the scene that awaited her. Donnie and Casey were slowly trying to recover from their impromptu tumble, Leo hadn't returned from the adjoining room, and Mikey was shaking and crying while Raph struggled to breath with the lack of air caused by the cracks in the windows. April looked down at the helmet and was about to call out and throw him his helmet but when the screen suddenly lit up, all thoughts fell to the wayside. A massive asteroid that was headed straight toward their ship with absolutely no way to dodge it considering the condition the ship was in.

Fugitoid noticed her presence and began rambling a million miles an hour; hitting her with equations and words such as "I _f we don't figure this out within mere moments, there's only 1 quintillionth chance of survival_ " - " _I-I can't do this!_ " - " _Nothing is responding!_ " - " _We're doomed!_ "

After a long moment, Fugitoid grew silent, his hands frantic before resting upon the console and looking at her from where she was able to stand upright.

Everything froze - her eyes looking upon the ship and her friends - no - family. It _couldn't_ end this way...there was no way after all the hell they'd been through this far that a freakin' meteor shower was going to spell the end for all of them. The entire Earth and its population was counting on them - and with that, April REFUSED.

There was a spark that ignited deep in her - a power that lay dormant much like the fact she was part Kraang - those powerful beings that could manipulate time and space with ease - a power that lay right within her. With the techniques Fugitoid taught her, April harnessed that energy as she stood to much steadier feet. With a rigid stance, April stared at the incoming rocks hurling toward them at incredible rate of speed, the dust crashing into the window that still continued to splinter and create deeper spider web cracks that would certainly shatter soon; hurtling them all to certain doom if the meteor didn't finish them off first.

April's eyes closed as she focused on that spark inside of her - the pink aura she wasn't aware of until she'd been thrown into the new reality of knowing the turtle ninjas that lived in the sewers of the city. Became aware of a world of mutants and monsters she never would have ever known existed if it wasn't for them. This incredible power that lay dormant in her fragile human body and she was going to put it to good use - for the sake of the Earth, Fugitoid, Casey, Donnie, Mikey, Leo...and Raphael...

Blue steel eyes flew open and fingers gravitated to her forehead - she'd concentrated all of her energy on everything around her and once it locked on, there was a burst of light that flared behind her eyes whiting out her vision. The searing white pain caused a scream to escape from her throat and her legs to tremble underneath her light weight as wave after wave of power washed over her and the entire ship that was headed for certain destruction disappeared in the blink of an eye.

* * *

They reappeared into blackness, the curve of a nearby planet bleeping into the ship's censors. A welcomed sight for the heavily damaged ship and there was not any meteors or debris to be seen.

"...Miss April, you _saved_ us..." Fugitoid said, the wonder not lost in that robotic voice box as he looked upon the sight that greeted all of them. They were safe and in relatively close distance to a planet that would have many of the resources needed to fix the damage done by the hurtling meteors.

"Yeah..." April mumbled after a lack of not knowing exactly what to say, rising to wobbling legs, looking down at her hands and wondering just what the hell just happened. She heard a familiar groan and her first thoughts were on Raphael, who had sustained the worst injuries. The trail of blood and deep bruising looked quite painful as he made his way to a seated position. Considering how close the glass was to shattering and the fact he was the only one without a helmet...it could have ended so tragically that April did not even want to fathom the thought of it - of losing him...

"April?! Are you okay?" Donnie's voice rung out about the cabin but April paid it no heed because without even realizing what she was doing, she found herself walking over to the hotheaded terrapin that was cradling his bleeding face.

April kneeled next to the terrapin and reached out and touched his face in order to get a better look at the wound when she suddenly found herself being pushed onto her rump from a forceful push.

" _Don't touch me_!" Raphael growled after pushing the young redhead to the ground and by the flash of recognition flashing in his green eyes, it was apparent he didn't expect to push her or those words to actually come from his mouth.

"What the shell, Raph!? She was just trying to help! What's your problem!?" Mikey exclaimed, staring at his older brother in abject shock of his sudden action.

"It's _**nothing**_ , Mike..."

"It doesn't look like nothing, dude! Seriously, what the heck!?" Mikey grumbled and the look that crossed his older brother's face had a tremble go throughout his shell.

"Drop it. ...H-How's your leg? Can you move it?" Raphael replied, changing the subject, his green eyes piercing Mikey's baby blue in a look that clearly stated ' _don't push your luck_ '.

Mikey wanted to further react to the fact that Raph was being downright rude to April but by the look his older brother was giving him, he knew he needed to keep his mouth shut even if he wanted to live to see his next birthday.

"I-It's fine. I don't think the cut is that deep." Mikey mumbled after a moment, looking down at the vertical cut that marred his bright green skin.

"Good. I think we should have Fugitoid cauterize it anyway." Raph mumbled while wiping a trail of blood that began dripping into his eye.

April stood to wobbling legs as she tried her damnedest not to start crying at Raphael's action and the fact her fall that he caused may have further injured her elbow. Her body shook with the energy she'd expelled and she wasn't exactly certain how she was still standing. Raph pushing her down when she was only trying to help was perhaps the final straw as she hobbled away from the two and to the bathroom to retrieve the first aid kit for herself and the others.

Ignoring the tense atmosphere, Fugitoid put the ship on a course for the nearby planet before roaming around the cabin to access the injuries sustained in the near crash. "Is everyone alright?" he asked while approaching Casey who got knocked unconscious.

* * *

Donnie stared silently at the scene that transpired between his crush and his older brother for a long time - heart hammering in his chest as he cradled his bleeding shoulder. The look that flashed across April and Raph's face was one that explained everything that had been transpiring these past couple days in dreadful clarity. A moment that happened so fast that if he would have blinked, he would have missed it. How April ignored him to approach his older brother...how Raphael, even for a hothead, reacted completely irrationally to April just wanting to help...

It was at this very moment that everything and yet nothing made sense at the same time.

His heart lurched inside of his chest and he wondered how he on Earth he missed something so obvious before...


	10. Reflection

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Donnie begins to come to terms with things he 'd been ignoring for far too long...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think it's safe to say I'm almost done with this story. I have a bit more to go and I was certain with how I wanted it to end (I even finished writing the ending), but after some consideration, I'm thinking about changing it, but we'll see. I think this story is shaping up to be around 15-20 chapters (if I can't stop myself lol) so we'll finish it up soon regardless if I change how some things go down. Thanks for the support and hope you enjoy. :-)

* * *

After April had handed off the emergency med kit off to Fugitoid, she'd retreated back to the confines of the small bathroom; standing in front of the bathroom mirror but refusing to look at her face, hands shaking as she grasped the sides of the counter. Her entire being was a torrent of nervous jitters and exhaustion; the redhead didn't understand how she managed to continue standing considering what had just occurred in front of everyone. The hot boiling embarrassment wedged itself deep inside of her body where there was no possible way to quench it. With a deep breath, April found herself retreating back out of the bathroom. She'd hidden long enough - what was there really left to lose?

April wasn't in the best physical shape as of now, walking out of the bathroom after swallowing back the sudden onslaught of tears that threatened to leak from her eyes. She'd walked over to the Fugitoid who was putting in the new coordinates of the planet closest to them.

"Oh, Miss April, are you alright?" was the first thing the robot said to her and it was only now that April registered the fact she'd been hurt and was bleeding.

The pain started immediately with that statement and April felt her knees buckle underneath her and her ass hit the metal flooring with a resounding smack. Within seconds, the robot was next to her - the agony splitting between the contours of her brain was excruciating; it was as if she'd taken an ax to the very center of her skull and it was like no other pain she'd ever experienced.

" _Ow..._ " April whimpered pitifully, her trembling hands cradling her throbbing skull.

Robotic hands appeared and began probing her for any signs of cracks or contusions, but the only one he found was where she'd hit her mouth on the hard flooring.

"There doesn't seem to be many injuries other than simply superficial cuts and slight bruising on your jaw. Hmm...I'd say it definitively has to do with your use of advanced telepathy that is causing you such distress. I believe a couple of aspirin and some sleep should benefit your condition exponentially."

Fugitoid's normally soothing voice was like a sledgehammer smashing into her eardrum over and over again and April couldn't help but scream at the utter agony it caused her. Another pair of hands soon joined the well-meaning robots and even in the fogginess of nearly unbearable pain, April registered them to be Donatello's.

"Come on. Let's get you to bed." the genius turtle spoke, his low whisper still unbearably loud to her sensitive eardrums.

April knew the adrenaline of the situation wearing off was causing her to now be experiencing the unbearable agony she'd went and was currently going through; right now, all she wanted to do was fall asleep just to not feel it anymore. The redhead allowed the two to lead her to the back bedrooms and allowing their gentle hands to guide her to lay back on her cot. Her eyes were firmly screwed shut since the first wave of pain hit so, using her other senses, she tried desperately to focus on _anything_ other than the feel of her skull imploding from the inside out. Donatello's hand soon appeared atop of hers, the cool touch wasn't unwelcome if a bit unnerving considering what had just happened...

The steps of the Fugitoid were barely registered in her mind as he approached, his gentle hands appearing in the back of her neck. He lifted her head a bit and deposited two small pills into her mouth followed by a small amount of water that trickled pleasantly down her scorched throat. She swallowed them quickly and lay back, her breathing now considerably more calm than before yet she could not find the energy to thank him.

"You need to get some rest, Miss April. I will check on you soon." he informed her much quieter than before. The robot's footsteps soon faded yet Donatello remained. His scaly hand still lay atop hers and April was silently wondering if he was going to bring up what just occurred between her and his hotheaded brother...but thankfully, he remained silent. For April highly doubted she'd be able to speak even if she wanted to and knowing Donatello as well as she did, the conversation he'd be interested in having was not one she was looking forward to...and did not have the energy for it right now.

Regretfully, it would have to wait...

After a few minutes with only the sound of their combined breathing, April's heart calmed. She felt as if maybe she was over-reacting to this whole situation; after all, why would Donatello suspect anything going on between them? It wasn't the first time Raphael went off; he was rather prone to outbursts, so why would it be any different if this time he went off on her? With that thought, April relaxed further into the bedding, allowing the silence to lull her to a dark, dreamless sleep.

* * *

Donnie just stared at the redhead as she lay in bed. Watching silently as her body relaxed and breaths grew even; sleep finally claiming her to unconsciousness. Yet as relaxing as this atmosphere was, especially after such a traumatic event, his mind remained a torrent of fluttering emotions; there was so much he wanted to say, but he was determined to remain silent for her sake and to not further aggravate whatever ailment that she was currently going through. Also, it gave him time to think about what had occurred between her and Raphael. While it wasn't anything new for his hotheaded brother to lash out at someone, he had never lashed out at April - **never** _-_ especially since April was only trying to help and while Raphael had never been one to accept help lightly, his brother wasn't stupid enough to push away someone who had _literally_ just saved all of their lives.

It was strange to say the least...

That wasn't all that bothering him though. It was how April reacted to it all. After they were safe, Raphael was the first one she approached and she completely ignored him when he called out to her. It was as if she was entranced and wanted desperately to help his red-masked brother instead. Which considering the strongest terrapin's wounds were minor and rather superficial was quite a puzzler as to garner such attention from April at all. Raphael was fine: conscious, speaking, just a graze and slight drip of blood on his head; and knowing Raph, April knew he'd received far worse injuries before yet she _never_ reacted that way before.

Heck, Casey was unconscious and it was as if April didn't notice anything aside from Raphael in that one moment...

Donnie didn't want to think about the implications of what it meant even if everything inside of his logical sense told him the same thing...

The genius terrapin simply didn't want to believe it...

The two had never really been buddy-buddy or hung out together one on one even if there was the few times in Northampton that he'd catch them spending an awful a lot of time together. Whether it be taking care of the chickens, cooking dinner, sparring, or just chilling underneath a large tree or by the pond; in Northampton, they just seemed to gravitate toward one another. For whatever reason, which Donnie was certain neither of them noticed, they began growing closer. They seemed to find themselves alone and spending an unnatural amount of time that they never spent together before; and while no one else really noticed or if they did, they never said anything...

...but Donatello did...

Whether it be a figment of his imagination was questioned multiple times and he'd find himself wondering if perhaps there was something more going on between them.

At first, he ignored it, hoping it would go away, but then Raphael would say something at dinner and April would laugh as if it was the funniest thing she'd ever heard; it was as if they had their own inside-jokes and camaraderie that Donnie was not a part of. So, Donnie did what any rational person who thought they were losing their crush would do: spy on them. He'd watch in the shadows as they spent the early morning hours sparring or when they'd stay up until after midnight watching movies and sharing popcorn, he grew more anxious of this behavior by the day. (Casey was not making it much better by his own personal vendetta to get under Donnie's shell and continue flirting with the redhead, but that was another issue entirely.)

The genius terrapin had enough to worry about and even fathoming the idea he may have new competition in his hotheaded brother was not one Donatello was prepared to face. So, mind ablaze with accusations and questions, he approached April. Granted, this was during the whole Bigfoot fiasco, which only intensified so many compiling feelings that he'd continued to bottle up. As the redhead was busy chopping firewood, Donnie approached her and poured out so much of his heart (making sure to leave Raphael out of it and only focusing on her feelings toward him if there were any at all).

It was in that one perfect moment he believed all of his wanting and chasing her would be for naught. For after he spoke, he felt a dainty hand press upon the edge of his plastron, pulling him down as she pulled herself up. Without another opportunity to realize what exactly was happening, those soft, perfect lips were upon his own and Donatello swore his heart imploded in his heaving chest. It lasted barely a fraction of a second and ended with her walking away without a word, but it was a moment he would never forget as long as he lived.

In that instance, all his debilitating fears were quenched.

Donnie swore April felt the same in that very moment even if it was never brought up again; the purple-banded terrapin was certain once things calmed down, they'd further discuss the possibility of being an item. Yet, once things went back to the way they were supposed to be, April still said nothing. He'd ignored her silence on the matter for a long time, recalling all her hugs and clinging to that one meager kiss as proof that she indeed felt the same way; and he excused her behavior; reasoning that perhaps things were far too complicated to bring their relationship farther right now. Quenching his doubts further, Donnie even began noticing Raphael and April were no longer spending time alone together and while he thought it a bit strange that their relationship was strained after Northampton, he thought maybe he was amplifying their friendship on the farm to the point that maybe he was imagining the number of instances he'd catch them alone. It was just one of those things you bottle up for later and don't really question until something happens where it becomes glaringly obvious...

...like at this very moment when he began questioning everything...

That small, seemingly insignificant moment between his hotheaded brother and April brought so many things to the surface he'd rather not tackle yet could find himself able to concentrate on much else. All of his excuses as to why she never brought up their kiss to that moment just days ago when April came back to the ship, in obvious distress after Raphael stomped in, had began to put itself into the spotlight and Donatello couldn't deny it any longer...

There was obviously _something_ that happened or was happening between them, yet exactly _what_ that was...Donnie wasn't sure...and in all truth, didn't care to know.

Something akin to a heavy sigh left his mouth after he'd realized he'd been sitting here staring at April sleep for God knows how long. Pulling his hand away from her own, he wiped away the clamminess that developed on his palms before quickly standing to his feet and walking out into the main area.

Fugitoid and Leonardo were at the controls, setting the ship down on the alien planet and Donnie cringed at the horrific screeching and rattling noise the engine was making. While he wanted to tackle the situation that was occurring with April and his older brother, he knew now was not the time nor the place. They had much bigger things to worry about at this moment, but Donatello was certain that he was not going to sleep until he got to the bottom of it...

* * *

 


	11. Luminance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Raphael gets some news he's not expecting...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally we get a Raphael-centered episode tomorrow so thought I'd do a Raphael-centered chapter! So excited! 3 So, yeah, I'm finishing this up - I got most of the ending chapters finished and I have a couple more in between I need to get done, but the finish line is coming close. Hope y'all enjoy the ride because it's gonna be a bumpy one. :-)

* * *

Fugitoid took in the data presented to him and methodically produced mathematical and scientific scenarios to their problem in his genius mind only to come to the conclusion no one wanted to hear.

36 Hours.

It would be nearly two full days before the group were able to land safely on alien surface of the closest planet; the damage to the engines was completely devastating and any motion they made had to be slow and methodical to make sure the ship didn't completely fall apart on the journey or landing. The robot offered to go on the outside of the ship with Donatello to perhaps repair some of the engine and cut the time down by a few hours, but it was of no use to the occupants who were still reeling from the entire life-threatening situation. Instead of being a comfort that they were now safe and heading somewhere they could do repairs, it was the fact that they were stuck in board in close proximity for quite some time that the atmosphere inside the ship continued to intensify by the second.

The tension was viable; awkward silences and two certain occupants avoiding each other like the plague became noticeable right off the bat.

It was rather strange to those outside looking in. The rest of the group were just wondering what was going on and waiting for it all to explode in a vast supernova of emotions but neither did they want to bring it up to the still recovering April or the seething Raph, whose mood had since taken a turn for the worse.

* * *

Raphael was silent while the room around him was full of Mikey's uproarious laughter and the too loud television. He'd tried to dissuade his younger brother from using electricity that could be saved for their travels, but seeing how Mikey's leg had indeed been sprained and he'd been having quite a bit of trouble getting around, Raph didn't have the heart to tell him no. He was also just thankful the youngest never brought up how he'd treated April again after those first terse moments after it occurred. Mikey was also the only one who didn't seem to be giving him the cold shoulder since the whole thing happened...

It'd been only twelve hours.

Twelve horrendously long hours that seemed to drag on forever since what he coined _"the incident that could have been avoided"_. While he was not the least bit regretful at pushing April away, he did regret doing so with so many eyes on him. Grateful for some reprieve away from the group was helping for now but his own stomach continued to do somersaults.

Raph just wanted out.

Screw finding the last piece of the Black Hole Generator; he just wanted some damned peace and quiet away from this all-encompassing drama that was turning into one of those atrocious soap operas he'd catch Splinter watching on occasion. Desperately hoping this would all come to an end soon and they'd be back on Earth where everything made sense was the only thing keeping the hotheaded terrapin sane. Their journey was almost over; the fate of the world hanging in the balance yet fear or worry didn't take any precedent in his mind for Raphael was just ready for it to be done. There was no guarantee they'd be successful, in all truth, there was high probability that they'd all die, but the one thing that remained certain was that they were all prepared to die trying.

So many what-ifs and scenarios floated around the red-banded terrapin's head at the outcomes and the probability of even going home.

Mind wandering, he wondered if he'd see Mona Lisa again soon; he recalled their second parting weeks ago and her wishing to help them with the Triceratons and couldn't help but wonder if he'd get the chance to ask her to come back to Earth with him if/when they made it out of this. Just for the chance to fight alongside her once more would probably be enough for him if they didn't survive this journey. It was a tossup for sure; he didn't even have the vaguest idea where her or her partner were going or even if he'd see her again...and _damn_ , did he want to see her again. All this shit with April really threw him for a loop and had him questioning everything...

Instantly, he heard April's words from the day of her confession in his head; hating how she instantly dissuaded his ideas of being with Mona Lisa...

" _Just because you touched noses with a freakin' alien doesn't mean_ _ **anything**_ _! You can't even pronounce her real name!"_

" _You know_ _ **nothing**_ _about her!"_

" _Do you really believe that's going to happen!? What? S-she's just gonna leave her family, planet, and partner to live in some stinky Earth sewers with you? Do you actually think that's gonna happen after all of this is over? Are you_ _ **insane**_ _!?"_

Those words she spoke bounced around his head; facts he didn't care to admit were possibly right. He hated how a few of her angry words struck so deep; deeper than Raphael cared to admit. He told himself far too long they were spoken out of anger, out of spite for not returning her feelings. It wasn't until recently her words held more weight; spending so many hours pondering them and in the few short hours he knew Mona Lisa, he questioned if perhaps April may be right...

Would Mona Lisa really leave everything for him?

Raphael silently recalled telling April he'd give up Earth to be the beautiful Salamandrian; but he may have said those words too quickly and in anger for he couldn't imagine leaving everything he knew behind. The desire to see Splinter and be back home was just far too great to give it all up for what may have just been a space fling...maybe...April was right...

" _Dammit_!" he growled to himself, shaking his head furiously to rid it of betraying thoughts. Raphael did not want to think about April now; for what the hell did she know? All he had to do was think of how she treated his brother and her words meant nothing for even her actions couldn't be trusted. If anything, it just fueled his determination to see Mona Lisa again; to prove he wasn't wrong about her.

With that thought, he stood to his feet and left the room; not even bother answering Mikey who called out, "Hey, Raph, where are you goin'?"

Raphael's steps were heavy as he made his way toward the main area of the ship; time in space was strange, but to the turtle's internal clock, it felt as if was sometime around midnight. Looking around the room, it appeared only Fugitoid was present; the robot stood at the console working and the soothing beeps and the sound of his equipment felt almost therapeutic to Raph's frayed nerves.

"Oh, hello, Raphael. You're not asleep?"

"Nah." he answered quickly, feeling a bit out of sorts as he approached the soft-spoken professor.

"...Are you feeling quite alright? That was a bit - how you say, _far out_ , what happened today, wasn't it?"

"Heh. Yeah..." Raph responded with a chuckle, wondering if this guy was perpetually stuck repeating 70's lingo.

"Since we're alone, Raphael, would you be inclined to answer a question for me?"

"Eh, sure. Shoot." Raph replied with a shrug.

"What exactly is going on with you and Miss April?" the robot did not cut corners one bit, being far less discreet about his questions than anyone Raphael had ever met. The question was not one he was expecting but he should have expected it sooner or later since everyone witnessed the small moment between them...

"Nothing. Just a disagreement." Raph replied quickly, his eyes peering off to one of the large windows, which had been sealed with thick white foam to prevent the glass from further cracking.

It was obvious the professor did not believe him but Raphael couldn't find it in him to care. "Hmm. If you do not wish to be truthful about it, that's your choice." Fugitoid responded after a moment and Raphael felt a chill go down his spine; silently pondering if the freakin' robot could read minds now...it didn't seem to be completely out of the realm of possibility.

Raph just grunted in reply, crossing his arms and turning away like a child who was being disciplined.

Fugitoid appeared as if he wanted to say something further when a long bleep signaled upon the radar. The robot's hands quickly went to work on retrieving said message.

"What is it?" Raph asked, curiosity overtaking his need to remove himself from the uncomfortable questioning.

"I-I'm not sure." Fugitioid replied with an uncharacteristic stutter as his hands worked furiously on the controls. "It's garbled text and voice, I can't quite make it out... Odd... It appears to have been sent almost a day ago. Why did it take so long to arrive though? Hmm... Maybe perhaps the damage we took on had something to do with it if it was in far enough range. Perhaps putting it through this translator will help..." he continued and Raphael stopped listening; Donatello and Fugitoid were far too much alike...going on about this and that until finally they just ended up talking to themselves or blathering nonsense the hotheaded terrapin didn't care to comprehend.

The robot kept going on and on for over five minutes, monologuing much of it along the way, which caused Raphael to became disinterested almost immediately; the lethargy beginning to get to him from listening to the droning and monotone voice of Professor Honeycut. The hotheaded terrapin let out a deep breath as he made his way to one of their pods and plopped down on the seat; putting his feet up and arms crossed behind his head. Sleep was completely evasive for the terrapin as of late; allowing a dejected sigh to leave his lips as he tried and relax farther into the plush leather until the robot came up with something of value.

"Oh my...it's from G'thraka and Y'Gythgba." Fugitoid spoke the names easily and both of them were odd and familiar enough to cause a stirring in the red-banded terrapin's chest.

It was enough for Raphael to physically leap over to the console where Fugitoid was standing, his green eyes bugged out as he stared at the cracked screen. Immediate disappointment set in when he realized it was all computer code he'd never be able to understand.

"It's from Mona Lisa?! What does it say?!" Raphael demanded, eyes narrowed to slits as he threw his head in Fugitoid's direction.

If the Professor was at all taken back by his sudden change in demeanor, he didn't say anything. The knowing look at crossed his face was not one Raphael could ponder for long before Fugitioid suddenly answered, "I'm actually not sure. A lot of it got lost in translation. It's...oddly garbled. Hmm... I don't recall the last time this has happened but not to worry, I'm sure it was nothing. They contact me almost everyday, after all - I'm sure they were just checking in."

"WHAT!?" The hotheaded terrapin shouted, his hands itching to strangle the robotic being.

"...Anyway, I shall try to decipher it. Shouldn't take too long." he spoke happily, completely ignoring Raphael's outburst before getting to work.

Raphael's heart was beating strongly against his plastron. It felt as if the organ would implode as he took in the information... Mona Lisa had been contacting them all this time? Something akin to joy lit in his chest and April's words dissuading him from pursuing the alien completely melted away at the Professor's words.

* * *

 


	12. Blackhole

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things are supposed to get worse before they can get better...right?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow. 9 page chapter; never thought I'd do that! I didn't plan on making it so long I just needed to complete a lot of story in this chapter and it seemed it got away from me but I accomplished what I set out to do in this one. The finish line is coming up soon. Hope you're enjoying the journey. :-)

* * *

When April awoke from the near-coma like sleep the last thing she expected to wake to find was a virtual circus. Her head still pounded furiously, but she completely ignored it in lieu of finding the source of all the noise in the echoing ship. The redhead's steps were purposeful and heavy as she walked past the threshold into the main living area where everyone was gathered.

Casey was standing near the doorway and gave her a wave as she exited. "Hey Red." he sighed, his eyes looking at her for only a fraction of a second before peering back to the scene off Fugitoid and Donatello having a loud discussion. The first thought in her mind was how odd it was to seeing both such usually soft-spoken individuals having an almost argument.

"What's going on?" April muttered, rubbing the remainder of sleep out of her eyes.

"From what I understood, the Triceratons had been following us awhile. They've been um...invisible and I guess Fugitoid left out that detail and Donnie ain't none-too-happy about it. Also, somethin' about them causing the meteor shower we were stuck in yesterday and they mentioned the Black Hole generator, but truth be told Red, they completely lost me after that." the lanky human replied with a shrug; his head spinning just listening to the huge words they were currently exchanging back and forth. Donnie was wired up, eyes huge and it appeared a vein was going to pop out of his head as Fugitoid was the epitome of calm, his relaxing voice such a contrast to Donnie's cracking one.

April's eyes widened at the news but couldn't help but ask for more elaboration, "Are they still following us?"

"I dunno. Fugitoid and Donnie have been going on about it for quite awhile; I stopped listenin' awhile ago..." he stated, running a hand over his tired face.

April remained silent wondering what everyone's next move was going to be when her human friend continued to speak.

"So, glad to see you're awake. You were out for awhile."

"I was?" April asked, looking out the window to see the conditions outside but felt like a complete idiot after doing so.

"Yep, almost a whole day. I got knocked out cold too but I was told but it was only for a few hours...Seriously though, ya feeling okay?" Casey responded, the twinge of concern in his normally sarcastic voice making her smile despite herself.

"I still have a bit of a headache but I'm fine; I'll be much better when we're back on solid ground."

"Heh. You and me both; and when we do land, don't judge, but I may kiss the sweet, sweet earth underneath my feet." Casey chuckled, pushing himself away from the wall to stand next to her.

"I may just have to join you." April laughed, lightly elbowing the lanky teen in the side.

"Glad yer back to your old self, Red. So, you wanna join me in the kitchen? I think there's some left over meatloaf or something." he offered, gesturing to the kitchen.

"I think I'll pass..." the redhead responded with her stomach twisting uncomfortably at the thought; not at all trusting the meat here in space for God knows what it was _really_ made of.

"Yer loss. More for me." he replied with a boyish shrug, shoving his hands in his pockets and heading toward the brightly lit kitchen.

April returned her attention back to the conversation between the robot and the purple-banded turtle; a little taken back when Fugitoid began walking toward her without even answering Donnie who was still frantically talking.

"So relieved to see you're finally awake, Miss April! How are you feeling?" the robot chirped happily, scanning her up and down to make sure there were no further symptoms she was exhibiting.

"My head still hurts but I'm fine. Thank you." April said quickly, looking over at Donnie to give him an apologetic look for the robot's actions but her face fell when she saw that he had already returned his attention back to the computer.

"That is great news! I think you may be pleased to know that I have come up with an exceptional solution for your telepathic prowess to better harness and control your incredible power," Fugitoid said, pulling out a leather cord seemingly from out of thin air and presenting it to her. April's eyes followed the cord where it lead to the palm of her hand where rested what appeared to be a piece of light blue quartz crystal. "I discovered this when I was cleaning out the cargo hold; it was stuffed inside this old box I thought I'd thrown out _ages_ ago. Taking a quick glance at my old memory banks, I recalled purchasing this fine specimen from a rather intriguing gentleman who told me this particular stone had been used for centuries to help harness telepathic abilities. I'm really not sure if it works, but it's quite fascinating, isn't it? Once I get through with fixing the communication system, we'll give it a try together, alright?"

With those finishing words and without even waiting for a reply, he was gone, back at the panels speaking with Donatello and working furiously at the computers. April was about to ask the robot more questions when Raphael suddenly walked into the room and her tongue became lead in her mouth.

* * *

Raphael continued to pace hurriedly back and forth; the sound of the television and Mikey's voice drowned out by his own thoughts. His head was spinning with all of the information the Fugitoid had given him last night. Once the robot was able to translate the message, it was mostly incomprehensible nonsense even to the genius professor. The sentences were broken and didn't make any sense but the main points were enough to fill in the blanks.

From what the Professor explained to him, just hours before the meteors hit, the Salamandrians had warned them the Triceratons had begun an attack nearby. There was also something about information about the last piece of the blackhole generator, but Raphael had already stopped listening at this point. The only thing he knew for sure is this message meant Mona Lisa was nearby and his hopes of meeting up with the Salamandrian were seeming to be coming to fruition.

Fugitoid kept speaking, saying he would send both of them a return message to meet them on the planet they were heading toward and ever since, Raphael was pacing around waiting for news of a reply. It had already been hours since the message and yet, Fugitoid hadn't said a word about any was driving him out of his mind to not hear back right away. From the Fugitoid's explanation, he said they were usually quick in getting back but he summed up the reasoning behind the silence could be many contributing factors such as the damaged system, distance, or perhaps they were just busy and away from their communication system.

Not able to take the perpetual thoughts in his head any longer, Raphael strode determinedly into the main room and stopped in his tracks when he saw April standing there.

The past day had been easy to avoid her since she'd been asleep but as she stood there right now, Raph wasn't really sure how to react. All hopes of her not even noticing him were dashed for the instant he crossed the threshold, her eyes immediately met his but Raphael quickly turned away from her glance and decided to just ignore her. As much as he'd love to just stomp out of the room and stay as far away from her as physically possible, he stood firm, not allowing her presence to deter him from his main mission.

Approaching the busy robot, he was barely paid any mind as the Professor went about trying to repair another console as Donatello was on his back underneath it trying to repair the circuit board as Fugitoid worked the screen. The red-banded terrapin began feeling more awkward by the second, standing there with no one paying attention to him. Seeing them working hard on trying to keep the ship up and running while all he was doing was hoping to hear back from a girl. His cheeks flushed a bit as an almost uncomfortable silence washed over the area; he also felt a bit guilty because the robot had promised him that he'd be informed the second he heard anything.

"Oh. I'm sorry. I didn't notice you; is there anything I may assist you with, Raphael?" Fugitoid asked, still not looking at him but the terrapin's looming presence couldn't be ignored any longer.

"N-Nah. I'm fine. Sorry ta bother you." Raph replied sheepishly while shamefully walking away, brushing a large hand in the back of his head as he did so. He still refused to meet April's gaze as he left the Fugitoid's side and back out of the room to continue pacing; the door closing with a resounding thud.

* * *

That night they finally landed; the ship and engine trembling and rumbling precariously as they made their descent through the stratosphere. The sense of nausea overtook most of the occupants as the rattling ship continued to further descend to the alien earth below. Once they were safely upon the ground, there was a viable sigh of relief knowing they were alive and the ship held up when it should have shattered in space by now.

Fugitoid was obviously the first to recover from the shaky landing, his sensors chirping as he opened the doors to the ship and immediately walked out. The rest of them were left standing around before they all decided it was best to follow him out; working through drowsiness and hunger, they regrouped, each assigned to a different task in groups or singles. Some would go and buy supplies while the others would help in repairing the massive amount of damage to the ship.

Raph took a deep breath, striving to ignore April, who Fugitoid assigned to help him clean the foam off the glass in order to replace it. The hotheaded terrapin wondered if the robot had some personal vendetta against him forcing him to work with the girl he was purposely avoiding; or maybe the universe just _loved_ screwing with him.

"Are you done with the scraper?" April asked softly from beside him and Raph hated how he jumped at her voice.

Without answering, he roughly chucked the object near her feet where it landed with a sharp clack before going back to removing shards of glass out of the massive windows.

"Thank you." she whispered in reply and the sigh she let fall from her lips as she retrieved the scraper was not as quiet as she'd hoped. She hated this - absolutely _hated_ it... The once easy camaraderie they shared was completely gone; their back and forth good-natured banter and dry sarcastic humor was lost forever the moment she confessed. It was as if Raphael was a completely different person; the same one from when they first met, the dirty looks he'd give her not to mention the cold shoulder and his propensity of distrust was back. It was as if she didn't know him at all anymore and it hurt like hell; it was like losing a friend and the worst part is, it was all her fault. She didn't blame him for treating her the way she did, she rightfully deserved it...

The two were quiet as death as they finished their task, ignoring how well they still worked together; finishing in almost no time and as soon as the last piece of glass was removed, Raphael fled back outside ignoring the feel of April's eyes on him as he left.

* * *

The dawn was breaking when a good portion of the ship had been repaired. Everyone was exhausted and most of them quickly climbed aboard and fell asleep but the green-eyed terrapin still couldn't find refuge in unconsciousness. His mind flooding with possibilities as to why Mona Lisa or her partner had not responded to the message for over a day...that, or the Fugitoid was hiding something from him. Either of those probabilities he did not like one bit... Eyes glancing over at Mikey, who was fast asleep on the couch, the older brother immediately grabbed the remote to turn off the still droning television as to save precious electricity. He sat down near the youngest turtle's feet and leaned back into the soft fabric yet sleep still evaded him; eyes not wanting to close for more than a few seconds and a heartbeat that continue to beat frantically against his plastron. Raphael was certain if he had to wait much longer for any news, he was certainly going to go out of his mind; a sigh of resignation fresh on his lips, he stood up in acceptance of knowing no sleep was to be had this night, so he began walking toward the main area where the Fugitoid was still hard at work. The red-banded terrapin was about to open the door when another voice was caught by his sensitive ears; the voice he'd been hoping to hear for weeks...

_Mona Lisa..._

The feed was scratchy, warbled, and she was speaking in her native tongue, but the nuances of said voice were not lost on the terrapin and his heart felt as if it was about to implode from his chest. She'd responded, or sent another message and yet the Fugitoid didn't bother to tell him even after being asked multiple times to do so... A familiar sense of betrayal filled his abdominal cavity and his stomach twisted uncomfortably before lodging itself in his throat. His hand was tight on the door handle, ready to fling it open and confront that overtly-nice conniving robot when another message began playing. This time, he understood her words for she was speaking English this time; his sensitive hearing easily picked up her melodious voice even if the feed was mostly static, _"Tragic - happened. G'thraka - captured. Help. Please - send help."_

That was too much for the terrapin; within seconds, he muscled through the door, not bothering to even flip the switch where it would have easily parted on its own.

For the first time he could recall, the robot seemed thoroughly surprised by his presence and the anger radiating off of him in vast waves. Raphael saw red, his anger an easy crutch to lean on and he was using it to his full advantage, his short stature didn't distract from the sheer strength emanating from his thickly muscled body.

" _Oh_. Raphael, you're still awake? Is something the matter?" the Fugitoid asked in his normally calm voice, reaching over to turn off the feed to give the turtle his full attention.

"How **could** you? I thought you were here to _help_ us..." he growled lowly.

"I am, Raphael. I have been helping since the beginning. I do not know what you are speaking about."

"Don't play _dumb_ with me, Fugitoid! We both know you're way to fuckin' smart to say such a blatant lie! I heard _everything_!" Raph growled and little did he know he was about to get an audience with the range his booming voice was beginning to carry in the previously quiet ship.

The robot grew uncharacteristically silent, the orange lights in his eyes fading for a moment before slowly dimming back on before he began speaking, "Raphael, I regret to willingly admit to you that perhaps there has been a slight pittance of information I kept concealed from you and the others, but my motivation for doing such things was, I assure you, strictly for _your_ benefit; for you see, the contingency of such information withheld was -"

"Speak fuckin' _English_!" Raph bellowed, his hands trembling in an attempt to not outright attack the blathering robot.

"As you wish. Now, Raphael, please try to understand. There is something you do not know about Y'Gtharba, or Mona Lisa as you may prefer to address her, and her partner. I didn't speak of this sooner for very clear reasoning is, I can sense that you have some sort of romantic interest in her, but if you wish to know the truth as to why I withheld any information from you thus far, I will tell you."

"Well, get to it already!" Raph screamed but the outburst was ignored as Fugitoid continued.

"Fine. After the message she went us did not translate well or make much sense at all, I did more research and got their coordinates and radio waves from their ships; allowing me to hack - I mean, _access_ their message systems. It appears as if Y'Gthar- um, Mona Lisa has been contacting many tribes and races outside of us; I hate to be the bearer of this news Raphael, but I don't think Mona Lisa is who you think she appears to be. According to the messages, I found out her and her partner are speaking with and actually working for D-"

"SHUT UP!" Raph shouted and the reverberation of that demand left the entirety of the room practically shaking. "Don't talk about Mona as if you know her! She would _never_ do that! The only message I heard was that she needs _help_ and **dammit** , I'm gonna help her with or without you!"

"What's going on?" April asked, her body a torrent of jitters as she crossed the threshold. Sleep had been coming hard to come by and she'd been on the cusp when she heard the screaming begin; hearing it was Raphael's only made her feet move faster.

"None of yer fuckin' business, April!" Raph screamed at her before turning back to the robot. "Now, you are telling me where she is, or God _help_ me, I will track her down myself!"

" _Please_ , Raphael, you are being irrational! This is _not_ a friendly planet and you running off to find her, especially alone, i-is just plain **foolish!** "

"...So, she is here?" he asked the Fugitoid didn't realize the error of his mistake before it was too late.

"N-No, y-y-you misunderstand, Raphael, I meant that-" the robot spoke quickly, his hands up in a gesture that was just more confirmation of misguided truth.

Without a further word, Raphael took off in a full on sprint toward the opening of the ship and Fugitoid was too shocked to move. The red-banded terrapin reached the front in record time; throwing on his helmet and space suit before facing the door that lead to the alien planet. He was about to press the button to open it when two small hands grasped firmly at his arm.

"What are you doing?! You _can't_ go out there to look for her! That's just **suicide**!" April screamed, not even bothering to hold back the tears any longer.

"I don't care!" he screamed, pushing her down where the redhead hit the floor with a loud thud. Hiding the pain it caused, April was on her feet again, grasping fruitlessly at him to keep him here.

"Well, I **do**.."

"Regardless of whatever you think about me, I still care about you... So, you just gonna go off and get yourself killed just for the opportunity to find her?! So, if you actually do manage to find her, what are you gonna do, huh!? **What?!** Go rescue her partner single-handedly and what if Fugitoid's right, ya know, like he _**always**_ is!? He wouldn't just make that up, and he's telling you the truth! You don't know her as you think you do! Just _think_ about it, Raph! What if she's secretly working against us and this is all just a big ruse?!" she shouted back, desperately trying to speak to the more logical side that Raphael was completely ignoring.

"Shut up, April! She wouldn't do that! You don't even **know** her!" he yelled, muscling her hands off of him in an attempt to fling her off but she just kept attaching to him like an octopus.

"Oh, and you do!? Just because you spend a grand total of five hours with someone doesn't mean anything!" April shrieked back, using all of her strength to try and pull him back toward the main room and in a desperate attempt to save enough time for maybe the other turtles to get here and hold him back. The redhead attempted to use her mental powers to keep him down or knock him out but the focus she needed to do such things wasn't happening when her emotions were a tangled mess and tears were streaming down her face.

"Dammit, April! Get off me!" he finally gave up trying to be gentle with the fragile human, roughly grabbing her wrist and ripping it from his own. Not wanting her to have a chance to grasp onto him again, he pushed her down again and the resounding smack her body made when she hit the floor was enough to stop him in his tracks.

April whimpered at the pain but still slowly rose to her feet; her height causing her to look down at him. Raph made no further move to push her again but the sheer determination in his eyes flashed with anger and resentment and April froze when she saw it. She knew trying to convince him from leaving wasn't going to work, so she tried a different tactic - reverse psychology. "Fine. If she means _that_ much to you...more than your family...your friends...then just **go**..."

Raphael was silent, staring up at her with his chest heaving, he took her in, dust covering her suit and face from pushing her on the dirty floor. Yet, her steel blue eyes were strong, the ease in which he read every emotion flashing behind them took him back. The concern and fear for him laced her irises; enough to stop him for only a moment when he remembered exactly what she had done to him and his brother...Speaking of whom appeared into sight, making his way toward them but stopped about ten feet away. His wide brown irises taking in the scene of him and April through eyes of realization. Anger suddenly took over anything else and the feeling of betrayal from everyone fresh in his gut caused him to step back from the redhead. He watched as her hand shook as he did; knowing she desperately held back from reaching out to him.

"Why are you doing this, Raph? This isn't like you...not at all." she whispered, her hands aching to touch him in an attempt to keep him here.

"Because me and Mona Lisa love each other...and she needs my help!" he defended angrily.

" **Bullshit!** You have no idea about love! Just because you kissed that freaky lizard doesn't mean that she _loves_ you!"

"That's rich coming from you...Heh. You're quite the hypocrite April. You know nothing about her; she wouldn't do that to someone because she's _nothing_ like you..."

April's eyes opened at the audacity of the statement, her chest aching as she realized the gravity of his words. Expecting an onslaught of further insults, April was surprised when no further words crossed Raphael's lips before he flipped the switch and the door opened. His green eyes met Donatello's for a fraction of a second before he turned and ran out.

With the closing of he door, he was gone.

April suddenly collapsed to her knees, allowing deep sobs run through her body.

Donnie stood silently taking it in and something in his chest twisted; the truth could no longer be denied...with the realization, he quietly walked away before she could knew he was ever standing there at all.

* * *


	13. Revelation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The group tries to find Raphael but is it far too late to save him? Also, Donnie and April finally have the long awaited talk but it's not what either thought it would be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, I'm really going overboard on the length of these chapters. Hope y'all don't mind. The end is in sight though, lovelies! <3 Thanks for reading! xoxo

* * *

 

The Fugitoid, Leo, Mikey, and Casey came far too late; the group sprinting to the front of the ship faster than those still half-asleep should be capable of. April had miraculously managed to stand up to her wobbling legs; certain to wipe any residue of tears from her eyes and face before turning to greet the group. If the redhead noticed Donatello was missing from the bunch, she didn't speak otherwise when they finally approached.

Leo's face spoke volumes even if he had still yet to open his mouth; the leader staring in complete and utter confusion at the scene in front of him. He'd awoken from a deep sleep by the Fugitoid shaking him frantically from his slumber, the high-pitched scream he emitted from waking up to the beady eyes of Professor Honeycutt in a pitch black room had been loud enough to wake Casey, who had passed out across the room. Mikey met them in the hallway where they basically resembled a panicked zombie hoard by that point; taking off to the front of the ship only see April standing next the door leading out to the alien world; her eyes bloodshot and troubled as if the girl had been through a war complete with her clothes wrinkled and dirty.

"What the shell is going on?" Leo demanded angrily, wiping his red-rimmed eyes from the cobwebs of sleep that stubbornly clung to them.

"Leonardo, I already tried to explain to you - y-you see, there was quite a heated disagreement between myself and Raphael, which in turn happened to cause quite a cataclysmic domino effect that -" Fugitoid explained, his voice more frantic than any of them were used to.

"He's gone after Mona Lisa." April whispered in quickly before the Fugitoid could drone on further and all attention that was previously on the rambling robot was now on her.

"...What?" Leo muttered in shock.

"Dude, why would he **do** that?" Mikey exclaimed soon after; mid-yawn completely broken upon hearing the news.

"He went _**alone**_!?" Casey butted in, brown eyes wide and bloodshot.

" **Yes**! He just walked out of here! I-I tried to stop him but he was just so determined to fi-" April exclaimed, feeling fresh tears burning her eyes but refusing to let any more of them fall.

" _Enough_!" Fugitoid finally vocalized loudly, sick and tired of being interrupted as of late; the voices dying out upon hearing his uncharacteristically strong voice. "I accessed Y'Gtharba and G'thraka's message systems and it appears as if they have been exchanging messages with Lord Vringath Dregg."

" **WHAT**!?" Leo shouted and April was far too stunned to speak.

"What kinda messages?" Casey butted in, bloodshot eyes wide and full of concern for his best friend.

"Truth be told, Casey, they were far too garbled to be able to procure a full audible, let alone legible translation but the gist of it is, they _are_ working together...against us I'm assuming, for whatever reason I do not know..." Fugitoid finished, his voice low.

"B-But Dregg's the **enemy**! Raph's girlfriend wouldn't do that!" Mikey said and April flinched at the use of the 'g' word.

"Unless she's been setting him up this whole time..." April quietly muttered and the entire room went deathly quiet except the low droning of the electronics humming around them.

"Then what are we doing _here_!? Let's go after him, team!" Leo shouted., about to sprint towards their spacesuits when a low, tired voice stopped him in his tracks.

"We can't. His tracking system is gone." the purple-banded turtle spoke from across the room and all eyes turned to Donatello, who stood with hands working methodically over the computer screen. More voices erupted speaking over each other as they approached; first one besides the genius brother was Leonardo. The leader was nearly hysterical, his eyes trying to take in the information he couldn't hope to understand and April, Mikey, and Casey weren't any better off, looking at the charts and figures over Donnie's thin shoulders.

The only one who read those figures with ease had instead taken a detour; the robot's steps were slow and methodical as he approached the door Raphael had previously vacated. Amid dust and debris they had yet to clean up was a small sensor chip the hotheaded terrapin must have detached when he furiously put on his gear; or brutally yanked from his suit on purpose (neither conclusion was positive regardless). The robot shook his head in disdain at the situation this had turned into, picking up the small shard and staring at it as it lay in the palm of his large hand. The light of his eyes rose to the panel near the door, casually opening it to only be blown onto his back by harsh winds. The automatic storm programming had closed it within seconds before any more alien dirt could infiltrate the ship.

"Ugh...I've always deplored the weather on this planet..." Fugitoid muttered more to himself than anything once he gained leverage back. Dusting the red and brown dirt from his white form, he approached the group who were still too busy arguing among themselves to even notice what had taken place. "It appears we have a problem." The Professor spoke once he'd walked over to Donatello's side and that seemed to get their attention.

"What problem? We just have to track the GPS signal he gives off; because he'll most likely be trying to access some sort of mapping system using our signal and we'll just go from there to figure out his coordinates and send out a search party for retrieval." Donnie frantically explained, his fingers continually dialing in numbers and codes even if his eyes were glued on the Fugitoid's.

"I'm afraid not." Professor Honeycutt replied, placing the small microchip upon the flat surface and Donnie's face immediately fell upon seeing it. Hands stopped above numbers and letters on the touch screen computer, he froze as he stared at that little microchip, no more than the size of a human fingernail; it was the _only_ access they had to Raphael and vice-versa. Not only did he have to try and save his brother (who he secretly wasn't sure how to feel about at this point in time) but he had to emotionally deal with his feelings toward April... Just moments ago she was enthralled in an argument with his hotheaded brother and the dreadful realization Donnie had denied for so long reared it's ugly head with horrifying clarity of a fact he'd known far too long yet ignored. There was **definitely** something between them; deeper than than just their unconventional friendship he'd witnessed at Northampton. A torrent of " _God, how could I be so_ _ **stupid**_ _?_ " played over and over in his mind the more he thought about how obvious it was this entire time... It was almost too much for the brokenhearted Donatello who was forced to act as if nothing was amiss even if his chest felt akin to a smoldering crater while at the same time trying to locate his brother who could be in deadly peril...it was just a catch 22...

"What are we supposed to **do** then? I-I know! We could set out a search party! He couldn't have gone too far! Don't just stand there, team! LET'S GO!" Leo demanded, his blue eyes wide and hands itching to retrieve their gear.

"I'm afraid that's not possible right now. The windstorms on this planet are treacherous; it would be rather foolish to head out in the midst of one." Fugitoid calmly explained, gingerly brushing aside Donatello to access his storm charts.

Looking at the map with the others, April's chest ached. It wasn't only the heartache caused by Raphael's poisonous words, it was worry; for as stupid as his actions were, Raph was completely and utterly _alone_ out there. Only armed with his laser sais, ninjitsu training and wit, but she feared his mind was hazy; whether it be Fugitoid's words that Mona Lisa may betray him or simply his own infatuation with the pretty alien; regardless, Raphael was running to the alien lizard totally blind. Desperate to prove them all wrong; it would put him at such a high risk for her to do what she wished; and with the raw power that woman held, she could easily do so even without Raphael's consent. Y'Gtharba could easily lure him into a trap, capture him, ransom him, sell him... _ **kill**_ _him_... The last one had her heart plummeting to her stomach and before she had even realized her body was moving, she ran toward the door, hands smashing over the console that refused to budge.

" **April**!" nearly all the occupants screamed at her hasty actions that seemed so out of character for the normally level-headed girl.

"April, what is the matter?! You can't go out there! The winds are much too dangerous!" Fugitoid was at her side in seconds, pulling her away from the panel that he deactivated just in case anyone tried to open it.

"He's gonna **die** out there if we don't help him!" she screamed, body shaking fiercely with even the thought of him getting hurt, let alone dying by someone's hand.

"April, I'm sure he'll be fine; he's run off plenty of times and came back with barely a scratch. I mean, come on, Raph's not a _total_ idiot." Mikey said with a chuckle and smile that didn't quite reach his eyes.

"You don't **understand** , Mikey, that girl is working with _Dregg_! If Raphael finds her, who knows what she'll do or say to get him to trust her or lead him into a trap!" the redhead was in hear hysterics and it seemed to be spreading.

"April's right! We have to go after him!" Casey interceded, jumping from the platform he was sitting on to rejoin the group.

"Yes! Let's go!" Leo butted in, his blue eyes wide and fists tight.

" **No**! We have to wait. There is nothing we can do to help him until this storm has run its course." Fugitoid reminded them. "We would of little help and leave us wide open for attack in weather such as this; also, visual clarity would be nearly impossible amiss all the dust and debris, not to mention, it could damage your suits from working properly." he reaffirmed with a tight, strict voice and they all fell back.

"Hey, wait! Maybe he's just outside the ship. The wind might have blown him back too far to go anywhere." Casey suggested meekly from the back of the room.

"No, my sensors don't indicate life nearby; they would have picked him up immediately. By my calculations, if he was in full sprint, he would have passed the mark before the storm started. What is odd about this planet is that it's wind systems are similar to those on Jupiter, which is in your Milky way Solar System if I'm not mistaken; each of these wind storms and tornado systems crisscross one other; touching yet blowing in completely opposite directions. Raphael made it out in time before it hit; he'd be long gone by this point. By my further calculations, I say he may already be approaching the port town we visited to restock on supplies yesterday." Fugitoid explained, fingers pointing out and showcasing his findings upon the charts for all to see.

"So, we'll just have to wait it out." Leo murmured, staring helplessly at the Professor.

"Yes, but that does not mean that we are completely helpless. Let us get ready to go and as soon as the storm clears, we'll go look for him." Fugitoid replied with a firm hand upon Leo's shoulder.

With that, they waited...which was much easier said than done.

It took nearly an hour for the storm to literally, blow by. As soon as it let up, Fugitoid had opened the door and the team, in full gear, headed out to find the missing terrapin. They were in full search party mode, pairing up and separating to cover up the most ground as possible. The time lost was completely detrimental to their search because Raphael could have been _anywhere_ at this point. First stop was the town; the locals they asked for assistance were either vague, misleading, or jut screamed obscenities in their strange alien language and making it _very_ clear that they did not want to talk to anyone. The leads they did get led them nowhere but a wild-goose chase, searching countless shops and outlets; one even leading Leonardo blindly into a sleazy brothel, where he came out with wide, disturbed eyes and a look of disgust plastered on his crimson face.

They'd regrouped and disbanded across the alien surface multiple times in every conceivable direction; the leads got them nowhere and the wind storms continued to be detrimental and erratic to their frantic search for Raphael, the team having to find shelters to wait them out as the Fugitoid braved them to continue looking. It was turning into a rather helpless situation, the planet seeming so much bigger than any other they'd visited on this journey. The locals were rude and no one seemed to care to help; it was all spiraling as Leo, Mikey, and Casey headed off to another area of town where a shopkeeper informed them of some foreigner searching for someone as well. Fugitoid, April, and Donatello remained behind at a shelter like area with high rocks and walls to protect them from the wind; they waited for the rest of them to return in silence.

When they arrived, Leo just gave a sigh and Casey weighed in with a shrug; Mikey seemed downright quiet at this point...The hopelessness was viable by now, the group frantic and panicky and looking under every rock but got nowhere.

It had been hours since the hotheaded terrapin had disappeared and April worried that maybe perhaps they were already too late. He could be on her ship; captured and being sent to Dregg for some kind of reward...or he could be dead somewhere, the harsh storms covering his body with copious amounts of dust and earth before they'd ever hope to find him. April collapsed upon a rocky outcrop away from the group, who'd went to search in some cave systems; face buried into her sodden hands. The anxiety throughout the group was viable; each of them in their own personal hell of scenarios and what-if's. Torturous thoughts never leaving her along for long, April finally allowed tears to start flowing in angry torrents down her cheeks; she felt paralyzed by fear, grief...regret... Replaying everything Raphael said to her before he left like a broken record and it was breaking her down...

" _Why are you doing this, Raph? This isn't like you...not at all."_

" _Because me and Mona Lisa_ _ **love**_ _each other...and she needs my help!"_

" _ **Bullshit!**_ _You have no idea about love! Just because you kissed that freaky lizard doesn't mean that she_ _ **loves**_ _you!"_

" _That's rich coming from you...Heh. You're quite the hypocrite April. You know nothing about her; she wouldn't do that to someone because she's_ _ **nothing**_ _like you..."_

At first, she denied his allegations because of his raw anger; his hurtful words like poison darts in an attempt to stop her from allowing him to leave after Mona Lisa, but whenever she found herself alone with her thoughts, it was the one thing that kept popping up.

April had finally come to accept that what Raphael said was _true_... and it hurt like hell.

The hotheaded terrapin flat out called her out on what she'd done to his brother; reminding her she'd never told him the truth even when she had plenty of time to confess what she should have so long ago. Yet as many times as she attempted, she'd pulled back in heart-clenching fear for Donnie's feelings and her own self-preservation. Not just admitting to herself that she was being selfish about this whole situation; not wanting to be hated and ridiculed much like Raphael had done to her even though she thoroughly deserved it. Leading Donnie on for the better of their entire relationship; accepting his gifts with fake smiles, spending hour after hour in his lab at his requesting, and going as far as kissing him without feeling anything more than friendship toward the genius terrapin all in a pathetic attempt to abolish her conflicting feelings she began to have for his older brother.

It made her feel so ashamed...Donnie had never hurt her, always encouraging her and being there whenever she needed him and yet, here she was, still pining for his red-banded brother that would _never_ love her back. Instead of owning up to her mistakes, she'd lead him on and continued to do so all while confessing her love to Raphael, who'd moved on to Mona Lisa...and if she was honest with herself, it was only her jealousy of the beautiful lizard that had her finally confess what she felt for so long at all. As long as she'd loved Raphael, she never told him and when she finally did, it all just blew up in her face like it rightfully should have...April had never gotten the chance to talk to Donnie; to finally stop being such a coward and facing it head on... Just to pull him aside and tell him the truth - the truth he rightfully deserved to know...

Why was being honest so _hard_?

It turned out she didn't have to for April's silent sobs didn't go unnoticed by someone for long; silent strides and even quieter steps approached before they sat. Silence enveloped around them; the sound of strong winds in the distance picking up and fading almost as quickly. Swallowing a lump that clogged their throat, the words came out; a sudden, barely audible voice from beside her rang out and the five words that came forth nearly took her breath away.

"...You love him...don't you?" the words were so sudden. The voice she'd known for years speaking them with a gentleness she'd come to adore from someone she'd considered her closest friend - it was also a voice of comfort she felt she would never deserve. The very one who gave his bleeding heart to her on a silver platter and she'd rejected it time and time again. Her misty blue eyes rose to the occupant of the rocky bench next to her.

_Donatello._

His lanky arms resting upon his knees, bo staff dangling loosely in large fingers, brown eyes staring off at something in the distance of this alien landscape. Everything inside of her told her to not speak for fear of saying something that would hurt him. But the words that fell from his mouth were so profound, so softly spoken, April could scarcely breathe.

"...Is it really that obvious?" the confession and chuckle tumbling from her mouth without preamble or even her consent, coming forth from her lips without any hint of denial or hesitance. Her heart knew what it wanted yet her head told her otherwise. Near the end, the words became choked, the emotional turmoil she'd just been through splintering and cracking what was left of her heart...but this time, the truth is what came out and it wasn't as freeing as she hoped it would be. Instead, it left her feeling a hollowness she didn't expect.

"Yeah... I'm just surprised I never noticed it before. Heh. Well...I take that back; I think I did see it a long time ago...I just never wanted to believe it..." Donnie responded easily, the soft downturn of his mouth no one but her would be able to discern. The genius terrapin was broken, yet his face remained as passive as could be. It was those small nuances, the twitch of his brow ridge, his tongue darting out to wet dry chapped lips, and the way he folded and refolded his hands nervously in his lap, picking imaginary dirt off his weapon. If she didn't know him as well as she did, she never would have saw the agony just lying right underneath the surface.

"I'm so sorry." she whimpered, fingernails digging into the texture of the grainy rocks underneath. Suddenly, the dam broke; sobs she had been holding in for far too long were let out, the excess of tears forming track marks upon her dirty face. "I-I'm so **s-sorry** , Donnie..."

"Don't be." he said in a quiet murmur the wind almost took away in its arms. Cool fingers reaching to cup her face, swiftly wiping away a small stream of salty warm liquid, smudging the dirt across her cheek. A barely perceived breath left his lips as he looked in her eyes; those liquid brown pools staring at the girl and taking her in for a long while before he quietly admitted, "Believe me...you can't help you fall in love with..."

April finally met those impossibly sad eyes. Everything inside of her told her to reject Raphael like he had rejected her - to throw herself in the arms of the one who hadn't and would _never_ hurt her - who always gave everything up just to make her happy...all for the small chance he could make her smile...

...But she couldn't do that to Donnie...

As much as Raphael's rejection and disappearing into the unknown to find that lizard alien hurt terribly, she knew giving up on him wasn't the right thing to do. Regardless of whatever the hotheaded terrapin felt or didn't feel toward her, she still cared about and loved him anyway and that was it and all it needed to be. April had hurt Donnie enough; to jump into his arms just because Raphael could care less about her was something she could never do to her dear friend even if everything leading up to this was admittedly just as bad. That was outright crossing a line. April loved him too much to do that...just not the way he deserved to be, and _God_ , did Donnie deserve to be loved and rightfully treasured... To just throw herself at him would be so easy; _too_ easy; for Donatello was kind, warm, loving, and would _always_ be there for her - but he deserved _more_ than some cruel girl who lead him on for years because she was far too selfish just to tell him the truth in an effort to protect his hurt feelings. This wonderful, sweet, _perfect_ turtle deserved someone who could love him equally in return.

...she just didn't and never would fit that criteria...

"I'm sorry, I-I _never_ meant to hurt you, you have to believe me...I swear it, things just got so out of hand..." she whispered and the small moment of her lips meeting his rose to her mind and she swore he was thinking the exact same thing.

"...I know..." he mumbled in reply...There was so much more he wanted to say, wanted to ask, but he knew now was not the time nor the place. As infuriated as he was with his hotheaded brother, there was no way in hell that he was just going to let him learn the hard way and die out there. As stupid and irrational as Raphael was acting, Donnie still loved him dearly...and April as well; so, for her, he was going to make the best of this.

"Oh, Donnie, what are we gonna **do**?" April murmured in defeat, breaking him out of his thoughts, pressing her tear-streaked face into sodden hands.

"First, we gotta find that asshole, then we'll figure the rest when we get there." Donnie chuckled without mirth and April nearly laughed, never before hearing the normally stoic and squeaky-clean Donatello as the type who could curse. "But where my reckless brother has gone, I really don't know, April...I just hope he's okay."

The next few moments were silent but the tenseness of the situation between them almost dissipated completely. It took a few minutes, but the solution suddenly hit April like a ton of bricks. "Wait! If we find Y'Garth- ugh, _Mona Lisa_ ; we'll find Raphael." the redhead spoke with an almost revelation coming over her.

"Duh! Of course! Why didn't we think of it before!? Come on!" Donatello's sudden snort of laughter had April genuinely smiling in what felt like forever; taking his offered hand, they went to find Fugitoid and the rest of the scattered group.

* * *

 


	14. Reunion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The group continues the search and Raphael finally meets up with Mona Lisa again, but it 's nothing like what he expected.

* * *

Maybe it was fate being kind for once.

Or perhaps it was destiny he found himself here at this planet.

Whatever it was, Raphael wasn't going to question whatever entity brought him to this exact moment in time other than to find them and thank them for the opportunity. He didn't know precisely what caused this circumstance to occur, but he wasn't going to complain - all that mattered was that Mona Lisa was here.

The hotheaded terrapin didn't even bother to think what had occurred just weeks previous with April, which still kept being pushed to the forefront of his mind as of late. He pushed it back, because as far as he was concerned, he didn't care if whatever relationship they had was completely shattered - she didn't matter. Neither did Fugitoid's betrayal or April's constant hovering; all that mattered was finding Mona Lisa...wherever she was.

Raphael had been searching for hours; scouring through towns like a madman; asking or rather demanding any alien he encountered if they'd seen her. He wanted to find her; to prove to the others that she loved him like she said she did; that she was not luring him into a trap like the damn Fugitoid suggested. It didn't put his mind completely at ease, but it helped; because Mona Lisa stole his heart and there was no way she'd betray him like that. He was adamant to find her; to talk to her, maybe her helping them find the last piece of the generator and ask her to go back to earth with him. If she disagreed with the idea, he would be lying if instead, he decided to accompany her in her interstellar travels - he hated space, but if he was with her, he'd certainly make due with those conditions.

Yet as he ran off from the group after hearing news of Mona Lisa's whereabouts - yeah, it was most likely the dumbest thing he'd ever done, but he just _had_ to see her again. He had to see her beautiful face and feel her press her nose on his if only just to abolish the doubts creeping into his mind when April confessed to him that she loved him. Fucking loved him...

_Love..._

Just that word had him subconsciously shuttering in the depth of where it came from when she spoke it. It took him completely off guard those few weeks ago when she told him. How she'd pulled him aside and just flat out admitted things he could never even dream coming out of her mouth.

The deplorable things he said in response...

It wasn't until this very moment when Raphael was away from the group, heading out to God knows where to find Mona Lisa that he began regretting the words he spoke to her. Raph hated to admit it, but his anger had basically possessed him and he yelled at her, rebuffing everything she confessed with venomous words he could never take back - but he defended his actions with the reality that she had no business playing with his emotions only after he'd found Mona Lisa?

April had never spoken or indicated anything romantic or otherwise to him before this journey occurred. She had all the time in the world to say otherwise before they found themselves in space - before she went off to kiss his genius brother at Northampton. As far as he was concerned, the only reason she felt anything for him at this point was jealousy that he'd found the beautiful alien and Donnie and Casey had barely been giving her any attention as of late. But hurting was something he didn't intend to; pushing her aside and to the floor was not planned; he truly didn't want to injure and hoped he hadn't but it was the only thing he could do to get her away. If there was anything he was sorry for, it was that.

Shaking his head, he refocused on the mission at hand; now was not the time to be thinking about the redhead back on the Fugitoid's ship. He didn't want to reminisce on her devastated face and those tears sparkling in her eyes when he'd screamed at her. That pain and hurt visceral in those bright blue depths; not to linger on the fact he read her eyes so easily. Instead, Raphael shook those images out of his head; recalling the words spoken by the strange aliens - perfectly describing the alien woman who'd stolen his heart - and he ran off in the direction they said she supposedly resided.

* * *

"There's nothing. I-I can't get a read on it!" Professor Honeycutt muttered into the computer screen; his bright orange eyes flashing in and out as he worked.

"Do you think they put a block on our signal?" Donnie asked quizzically as he looked over the robot's shoulder, the white code displayed at an alarming rate on the black screen.

"I'm not aware they would have access to that sort of technology...But, I can't be sure; I can't get any read on G'thraka's ship and Y'gartha's signal went out days ago. There's nothing I can do..." Fugitoid grew quiet after a moment; the sense of dread and utter hopelessness was visceral amid the cabin.

Mikey clung to Leo's arm and fought to stay upbeat but it was apparent he was just as worried as all of them.

"We can't give up hope, team. We'll just to keep searching." Leo cut into the quiet, all eyes turning to the leader.

"Leo's right, guys! Maybe we should split up! We'd be able to cover more ground that way!" Casey suggested, his body pumping with adrenaline and concern for his best friend's safety; hating that they were cooped up for far too long trying to get a read on Mona Lisa's signal.

"I-I don't think that's a good idea..." Donnie replied, "It's still too dangerous for small groups, we need to stay together."

"I do not think we have a choice, Donatello." Fugitoid cut in; his stern voice had said genius terrapin turning to the robot in confusion. "It could already be too late and the aliens on this planet pose a fraction of the threat if we don't find Raphael and get to the last piece of the generator."

"This isn't about the Black Hold Generator! This is about my _brother_!" Leo shouted.

"I know that, Leonardo; all I'm saying is the Salamandrians know where it is! And if they are working against us, who knows by what lengths they will go to get the pieces we already have!"

That realization caused the ship to go silent; scenarios of what they would do to Raphael to force him into giving them their position...it was more than they could take.

Leonardo sprung to the door, Casey, and Mikey in hot pursuit as they opened the door to the outside world and leapt out much to the Fugitoid's dismay. The Professor reluctantly pursued them as they ran off toward the town once again.

April and Donnie were left to stare after the group, completely uncertain of what to do. The redhead looked to the purple-banded terrapin for guidance; it appeared all of this was falling apart and they were being left to pick up the pieces. Even Fugitoid seemed to be losing control of them; April wanted desperately to follow to help search, the worry and anxiety buried deep in her gut and heart lodged in her throat.

Donnie got silent for awhile, his need to find his brother stifling his better judgment. There had to be a way to find him with their systems; there just **had** to be. There was _something_ they were overlooking and the outcome was going to be worse the longer they waited and Raphael remained missing.

"What should we do, Donnie?" April asked, her voice raspy and overused as she spoke. The redhead slowly crossed her arms over her chest and she felt her heart beating frantically against her sternum as she awaited his answer.

"I think I better stay here; there has to be a way to find Raphael or Mona Lisa's locations from these systems." Donnie replied after a long silence.

"But won't that take too long?"

"It's our only hope now, April...I just don't know what else to do." he admitted with a sad shrug, eyes leaving hers to look at the computers. "We've been looking everywhere! I hate to say or even fathom it, but...we may already be too late. If I can't find him with these systems and coordinates, I don't think we'll find him at all."

Silence washing the cabin from the despair in his voice; so many horrible what-if's plaguing their thoughts, leaving them utterly helpless to do much else but dwell on them.

"Do you want me to stay and help?" April offered, her barely audible voice cutting the tension in the ship immediately upon them exiting from her mouth.

"Eh...Nah...No offense, but the stuff I'm about to do I don't think it'll be much help to have you here; you'd be better off helping them locate him on foot." Donnie replied with an awkward shrug and flushed cheeks, desperately hoping she didn't take offense at what he said.

"No. You're right. I'll go help them. Just give Fugitoid a ring if you figure it out, Don."

"Sure thing. I'll give it my best, but I can't make any promises."

"..I believe if anyone can do it, it'd be you." April responded with an encouraging smile and he easily returned it, and this time, the smile reached his eyes.

Now knowing her assistance wasn't needed any further, April walked out the door they vacated a few minutes prior; her blue eyes peering around for their familiar shapes that she finally spotted rather far in the distance. A sigh left her mouth and she shook her head but began heading toward them; her eyes flicking this way and that; hoping desperately to see Raphael. She prayed he wouldn't find Mona Lisa at all; hoping he gave up and came back to the ship, but like this journey so far, nothing went as planned.

After walking nearly half an hour following the group, she nearly made it to town when a horrible pulling in her gut unlike anything else she'd experienced before caused her knees to buckle underneath her; the redhead collapsed to the sand with a _thwump_. April let out a slow breath, pushing herself up to a seating position, she stayed there for a moment to gain her bearings. She wanted to logically register it as exhaustion or her body's lack of sustenance over these past couple days as the cause of it, but there was something deep inside of her soul that told her otherwise. April's hands shook as she placed one of them to her heaving chest and subconsciously pull out the leather band and crystal shard Fugitoid had bestowed upon her. Blue eyes stared at the almost seemingly-glowing stone for some time; her mind humming and body pulsating much like the moment she saved them in the meteor shower what felt a lifetime ago...

Something powerful ignited in her; closing her eyes, she saw through eyes that weren't hers, immediately sensing the connection to Raphael's mind; akin to _nothing_ the redhead had ever perceived before. Clutching at her breast, her blue eyes snapped opened and an alarming awareness of complete dread washed over her entire body; every fiber of her being shook with it.

Only one thing was disturbingly clear; _Raphael was in trouble.._.and she needed to find him.

There was no time to gather the others, for she knew whatever was happening to him that she may already be too late to save him, but _damn_ if she wasn't going to try. April stood to her feet; her body moving of her own accord with strength and endurance she didn't know she had; relying solely on powers she still didn't understand - and she followed them wherever they led her.

* * *

Raphael thought forward to what the moment would be like - just to see her again seemed like a dream he still had yet to completely grasp - but he could taste it.

The silence and pounding in his ears was shattered when an explosion was heard miles away but the ricocheting pressure and waves it caused, threw the terrapin to the ground, his face mask cracking into a rock on his way down. First came the instinct of panic, knowing death was certain if the glass decided to give way. He felt the pressure of the air leaking from the cracked shield and tensed up, but took a cautionary breath and realized the air was breathable. The moment of terror faded quickly while he took a moment to to swiftly discard the bothersome mask; he shakily stood back up, hearing more explosions taking place.

A feeling digging deep into his gut didn't deter him as he made his way toward the area of detonations and booming voices. Once the horizon cleared and the smoke dispersed, he was stone shock when an enormous battle raged before him, aliens of all kinds slashing, shooting, and yelling obscenities in many different languages filled his vision. Hues of every color imaginable all meshed into one rainbow form as the struggle continued - only clanging, flashes of light, and thudding of bodies hitting hard gravel filled the air as Raphael scanned the masses for any forms of familiarity.

The terrapin was quick to slide in behind a massive bolder, really not in the mood to take on a supposed army of super-charged and angry aliens - not alone anyway. The absence he felt from the lack of his brother's presence dutifully ignored in his egregious need to find her; all it took was how betrayed the terrapin felt to put that feeling in the back of his mind where it belonged.

The disbursement took quite awhile - watching these powerful beings valiantly brawl before just a single strike would cause them to fall and die in the dust beneath their feet was a sight he was numb to at this point. Surveying death on such a common basis was something you grew immune to very quickly - it was all part of the ninja life and he hated to admit it, but he'd put them there more times than the mutant reptile cared to admit.

Swallowing back the rising bile that accompanied that morbid thought and the smell of blood and death wafting on the wind; Raphael began watching the remaining aliens more closely, thankful that none of the fallen forms looked like anyone remotely familiar. It was gradual at first, but soon it became much more difficult as the crowd began to disperse, moving farther in the distance; forcing the terrapin to slip out of his hiding spot and follow them hastily without being seen. Last thing he wanted at this moment was to be targeted by the strongest aliens that were still alive and kicking.

The remaining alien's movements went by so fast they could hardly be seen and the longer it went on, it became overwhelmingly difficult to keep up. After such a long time, Raphael was almost ready to give up on his search near this area, hoping perhaps Mona Lisa fled elsewhere before the explosions or fights went down. But something inside of him told him to follow a certain group for just a little longer; so he listened to it. Walking stealthily for another few minutes, he tore his eyes away from the fight and noticed a crater within yards of his hiding place. A pull in his gut told him to investigate and he's approached the large hole; silently peering in where everything in his world suddenly stopped.

**_There she was._ **

Raphael ignored the dust clinging to her suit, the scratches covering that cerulean blue canvas of scales or the tendrils of thick, dark green blood leaking out from marring gashes on her legs and arms. Long, whip-like tail thrashing into the earth underneath her clawed feet; her minimal amount of remaining armor was ignored as he took the rest of her in. Golden irises completely focused on her task of fixing her space pod; not yet realizing he was there.

So enamored, he didn't notice the absence of her partner or the enraged grief written on every inch of her face; didn't at all acknowledge how her hands shook and body tensed when she sensed when he began closing the distance between them. All he saw was just how beautiful she was - how the power in her body and terse muscles came off of her being in waves and within the curves and nervous movements of that glorious tail. He was so entranced, he didn't recognize the point in which she swiftly turned those heated gold irises toward him; her wide mouth filled sharpened-teeth, directing a bared, angered snarl at him, completed with a warning growl of disdain left between those lips he once kissed.

The images of his visions - of finally being able to see her again; those long nails scrapping gently over his cheek as she leaned down to kiss him or rub her nose over his snout. The tilt of her mouth as she smiled before greeting him with that adorable growl and words of promises of seeing him once again after he'd saved her from that prison; perhaps being together forever. That wishful pondering and images were completely blown to dust when she fully confronted him, completely closing the distance between the two of them.

Raphael perhaps expected a kind greeting, a hug, maybe even her bopping her nose onto his...

Instead, he found himself staring down the barrel of a loaded gun...

* * *

 


	15. Retribution

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The group continues the search as Raphael is confronted by Mona Lisa with unexpected results.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ugh. Just, UGH!! This chapter was an absolute NIGHTMARE to write... Hence why it took me an extra week to finish it... Anyway, it's fine, just glad it's over lol...hopefully the rest of this story will go smoother.
> 
> Hope y'all enjoy! Only a couple chapters more to go! :-)

* * *

"Over here, guys!" Leo called out upon finding his hotheaded brother's discarded helmet. Shaking hands lifted it to his chest and stared at the splintering crack across the entire expanse of the glass. "Oh no..." he mumbled as so many horrific scenarios flashed through his mind. His head snapped up and he frantically searched the terrain for any sign of his red-masked brother.

"RAPH! Where are you!?" Leo bellowed out into the deserted landscape as the others quickly approached.

" **RAPHIE**!" Mikey cut in just a second later, his wide blue eyes moistened with fresh tears as complete panic began raging throughout his system.

Fugitoid calmly approached the two panicking turtles with Casey following closely behind. His sensors scanned the helmet in Leo's trembling grasp before turning and doing the same to the around the general vicinity around them for any sign of the missing turtle or any hint of his blood that may indicate foul play, but there was nothing. With that discovery, a sense of relief filled him.

"He's not here, Leonardo." Fugitoid weighed in with a soothing tone in this tense atmosphere, the calmness of his voice having the desired effect upon the frayed leader's nerves.

"W-What?" Leo asked, caressing the helmet in his hands as he looked to Professor Honeycutt for guidance.

"It appears Raphael just discarded it; my indicators cannot find another hint of him or any blood in this vicinity, so I believe he's fine. I conclude perhaps a rock hit it at the right angle and the glass simply shattered; having it on is not necessary, it just helps with keeping dust from the eyes since the air on this planet is in fact breathable, if a bit thin. He would be just fine without it; eyes perhaps a bit dry and irritated, but perfectly fine nonetheless" Fugitoid chirped with a slight shrug of his mechanical shoulders hoping his conclusions would put the group at ease because resorting to panic at this point would be of no help to anyone.

"Oh..." Mikey and Leo sighed in relief almost instantaneously, stealing a glance at one another; perhaps feeling a bit foolish at their overreaction even if it was warranted.

"Now, come on. We mustn't dawdle! This is a good sign meaning he may be nearby. Let us continue." The Professor said, not even waiting for them to respond before going on his way with the others following closely behind.

* * *

Raphael never believed he'd be here staring down what he believed to be the love of his life as she pointed the gun toward him; ready and willing to end his life. Green eyes widened in complete shock of her actions; it was this moment the blinders caused by his infatuation were removed. Raphael finally noticed her multiple injuries and the lack of her faithful partner who always remained dutifully by her side. Looking upon her tattered armor and multiple scrapes and bruises marring her beautiful blue skin, so many questions were on the tip of his tongue yet his shock was so great that he couldn't even find himself able to control his mouth to ask them. The thought of asking of her well-being fell to the wayside when her gun never lowered.

" _YOU_... How **DARE** you come here!" Mona Lisa bellowed; strong voice like a curved knife piercing into his sensitive ears.

His own tongue was lead in his mouth; so many questions invaded his mind and he struggled to speak but his body continually refused to cooperate. His body completely shaken as he stared at her; hoping, _praying_ perhaps this was all a bad dream or a case of mistaken identity...

...for Mona Lisa would never...

" **What are you doing here!?** " she screamed again; taking another large step closer, her voice louder somehow as her accent became thick and nearly indiscernible in her obvious rage.

Instinctively stepping back, Raphael's heart palpitated erratically in his chest as he was rudely ripped out from his thoughts and into this seemingly alternate reality where a woman he swore he was in love with was now completely different person.

Not allowing him to get lost in his head, Mona Lisa continued, "It's because of **you** and your brothers that G'thraka is **DEAD!** " she continued and Raph suddenly fell to the floor when she smashed the butt of her gun into the side of his head. The terrapin had absolutely no time to react as he was flung to the alien dirt with a loud and painful _thwump_ ; a side of him that wasn't in utter panic recalled how he just done the same thing to April hours ago...

Karma sure was a quick bitch...

Raphael shakily pushed himself up, knees digging into the earth and hands barely able to hold his weight. One hand brushed over his head, ghosting across the throbbing wound. He pulled his trembling green fingers back to see them wet and stained with a crimson deeper hued than his mask, it was blood; his blood. Eyes widened considerably before lifting; staring up at Mona Lisa's amber irises in complete horror, questioning every action he'd made these past few weeks (or had it been months) and just what the hell she was talking about? Raphael was desperate to talk, to defend himself and just figure out what was happening, yet his tongue still refused to obey him. Her accusations and the fact she mentioned her partner was dead had shock overtaking every fiber of his being.

" **ANSWER ME**!" she screamed, barely coherent with her thick Salamandrian accent as she struck again, her powerful, deadly tail whipping out to smash against his plastron; flinging him a couple feet with a loud crack that reminded him of crack of a whip in the part of his mind that wasn't overtaken with fear or pain.

Raph grunted as his carapace whacked into a rock, a large crackling sound signaling a part of his suit was now damaged or completely shattered. He had no time to react to that blow or even the first for Mona Lisa was upon him again; swinging an arm wildly to punch into his plastron with a grunt, effectively hurling him out of the crater. The terrapin landed on his back with a pained groan/whimper as the wind was harshly knocked out of him; he coughed up a spat of blood as he rolled onto his hands and knees just in time to see Mona Lisa ambling out of the deep crater with a deadly flicker in her burnished gold eyes.

"* **cough** * W-What are you _doing_? Y-Y-You sent a message * **hack** * l-looking for h-h-help, Mona Li-" Raphael finally was able to wheeze out in complete and utter panic at seeing her approach, swallowing back fear that suddenly encased his heart in ice.

Raphael was certain he never felt anything so powerful before and it was debilitating.

" **My name is** **Y'Gythgba**!" she screamed, closing the distance between them until the barrel of the gun was firmly pressed squarely between his wide green eyes and Raphael shuttered at the feeling of the cold metal against his face, "...you shouldn't have come here, Raphael..."

"B-But you said you needed _**help**_!" he hacked, wiping at the trail of blood that dripped down his chin and acting a thousand times more calm than he felt. "Fugitoid said he even sent you coordinates and stuff so we could meet up! I thought you needed help!" Raphael continued in a steadier tone, mouth finally obeying him when his breath returned; trying to inch back to distance himself from her weapon but she kept closing him in further without any hint of stopping.

"That was a simple ploy, and like a fool, you fell for it." she answered calmly and Raph was certain his heart stopped beating in the confines of his heaving chest.

"...W-What?" he asked, his voice nearly getting lost on the breeze.

"Dregg told us sending you a fabricated SOS message was necessary in order to put you and your brothers exactly where he wanted you..."

" _D-Dregg?_ You...you're working with Dregg?" he asked and Fugitoid's words from earlier struck a nerve that had his head spinning.

"Yes... Hmph. Well, at first...That disgusting bug gave us a choice; help him defeat you or put our planet in jeopardy. We agreed to his diabolical plans once, but at the last possible moment after the message was conveyed to your ship; we was told what they were planning to do to you once captured..." the broiling anger seemed to dissipate for only a moment as she continued, "Once hearing they were planning to kill you all, we bailed; fruitlessly running in order to save _you_..." her gun lowered slightly but the disgust that crossed her face made Raphael's heart lodge into his raw throat. He swallowed the lump to no avail as the hatred in her eyes that was directed at him caused him to freeze in his tracks.

"Foolishly, we left his base; G'thraka was adamant to help you and not send you to your certain fate...and at first, so was I..." a flash of withheld emotion flashed in her eyes and Raphael wanted to grasp onto it and feed off it, but it was gone before he could open his mouth. "Once Dregg's entire plan was reveled, G'thraka and I planned to thwart him by receiving your help, we spent nearly a day tracking your ship down; following you to try to warn you of his plans! We were ready and able to give you the final coordinates to last piece of that damned black-hole generator to save your planet even at the foolish risk of our own! **Dammit! I was so** _ **blind**_ **!** " the anger that seemed to waver was now red-hot as she faced him yet again, gun painfully pressed into his forehead. "...then what happens? You cause those _monsters_ , those damned Triceratons, to follow you; their destruction of planets and stars surrounding them by your cowardly dodging and we were stranded in the midst of it... Trapped with millions of rocks and stardust with no plans or hopes of escape! ...In fact, if it wasn't for G'thraka moving his ship in front of my own..." her face fell for moment, residual tears clinging to furious golden eyes met his widened green.

". _..I wouldn't have made it out alive..._ "

Suddenly, the moment hit him like a ton of bricks; his brothers escaping the planet, the meteor shower, Triceratons in hot pursuit as planets suddenly were destroyed left and right as they dodged those dinosaur aliens and their disastrous weapons. April saving them all with her telepathic Kraang power Fugitoid had been teaching her to control. None of them knew they were being trailed by the two Salamandrians, whom were trapped without any way out, much like they were before April saved them all. Thinking they were far enough away, they'd continued, not realizing the consequences of the destruction they left behind. This butterfly effect that caused mass destruction for those surrounding them...none of it crossed his mind til this very moment...

Raphael began shaking his head frantically as he heard her gun suddenly powering up. Self-preservation instinct rushing through his veins as he struggled to explain, "I-It wasn't **my** fault! It wasn't anyone's fault but the Triceratons! That meteor shower came out of nowhere! We had no control over that!" he suddenly found his voice and the desperation lacing it was quite pathetic if he said so himself.

"You shouldn't have ran and met your fates like you **deserved** for the destruction you caused to those innocent surrounding planets. Are you aware of how many innocent aliens you have killed in your recklessness?! By whatever witchery your crew possesses, you made it out. I'm uncertain of how your ship managed to disappear, your signal just bleeping out of existence in the realms of impossibility as we tried to follow you out. It was as if you sent us there on purpose; especially after all we've done for you! I should have sold you to Dregg... I never should have left... I should have allowed him to rip you to pieces!" she bellowed, her arm swinging once again and smashing him in the head and Raph slumped to his side.

Holding his head and grunting in pain, he struggled to his hands and knees. Looking up at her; his eyes wide as he took in the complete lack of mercy lacing those amber eyes he could have lost himself in once upon a time...

"If I would have known what you and your family were to cause me and my partner...Hmph...I would have killed you the moment I met you without any hesitation; I wouldn't spare you like I did atop that mountain. Perhaps it was my fault as well...but it doesn't matter now, because I won't that mistake again..." she spoke clearly, the ice that laced her voice shook him to his very core.

The gun shifted, the barrel directed between his eyes. His body shook as the reality of his situation took over; this was not the Mona Lisa he met all those months ago. This war-torn alien was hellbent on seeking revenge for an accidental mistake he never even comprehended in order to get her own revenge upon the death of her comrade and unknown fate of her planet. Ready in an instant to throw away any semblance of feelings she may once have held for the green-eyed terrapin she'd kissed in a moment that may as well have been been lifetimes ago.

This was the very moment that Raphael realized as much as he told himself he knew Mona Lisa - it was obvious now that he didn't know her at all.

Instantly, he deflated, the fight that normally would cause him to defend himself was gone. At this moment, he didn't care if he lived or died - the humiliation of being manipulated by the beautiful alien lizard was too much to bear. He was no better than Leo who chased after the mutated Karai or Mikey who fruitlessly hoped for a reunion with Renet... Why should he hope his story would end any different? Only one thing was different this time - Mona Lisa was stronger than him - what point was there to fight anyway?

Raphael stared into her eyes, hoping, praying, maybe he was wrong. Maybe there was something inside of her that was regretting this - but he saw nothing. Her eyes were cold, distant, closed, and even if they weren't, he knew he would never be able to read them anyway.

Raphael lowered his eyes - ready for his fate.

The only thing on his mind was April...and how she had been right all along...

" _...I love you, Raphael..."_

Those very words spoken from her mouth. That kind-hearted girl he'd known for years confessed her very soul to him, but Raphael was so blinded by everything that he outright rejected her with cruel words he could never take back. His heart ached just remembering her eyes when he told her he didn't and would never feel the same. Her eyes that were so open - eyes he knew - he read them so easily. They were laced with nothing but agony - agony he had caused.

There was no retribution.

Raphael deserved to die by believing the lies of a beautiful siren. Believing that knowing someone for only a couple hours outweighed the years of the denial that April could or would feel anything but friendship toward him. He heard the sound of her gun powering up and he didn't even flinch. He closed his eyes, allowed his hands to relax in the dirt underneath his palms as he waited for the final blow. He really screwed up - now he'd never get the change to see Earth again. Master Splinter. Leo. Donnie. Mikey. Casey...April...

" _I'm so sorry..."_ the words weren't verbal, but it was all he could muster at the moment. He would never even get to apologize; there were no final goodbyes. Life snuffing out before any of that; dying on a random alien planet without any of his family knowing of his whereabouts...he supposed he deserved it...

Instead of fear, he just felt guilt for Raphael had never feared death itself. When you're a ninja, you expect it at every corner and turn, The only thing honed into them since they were children is that when it was your time, make it honorable. It struck him then just how stupid this all was. He walked away from his family, his friends, a girl who liked him regardless of pushing her away, just to run to a woman he thought he knew - believed he _loved_. His whole fantastical outlook on how romance would be. Visioned her being overjoyed at seeing him again, running into his arms to kiss him again - yet he found himself staring down a barrel of a gun.

He heard the soft explosion.

His death would not be honorable.

He even failed at that...

" **NOOOOOOOOO!** _"_ a sudden cry broke through the deafening silence; the sound crackling akin to lightening across the landscape and Raphael was certain he had died for no pain had come.

Raph's head flew up just in time to see April running in front of him, the visceral feel of her Kraang telepathic powers coming off of her form in powerful waves. The energy he felt emitting from her was much like that exact moment upon the ship - the fatal bullet aimed for right between his eyes pinged off her force as she stood in front of him, staring down the alien woman with the most menacing look Raphael had ever seen etched on her face.

"How. **Dare**. You... Y-You **MONSTER**!" April bellowed at the lizard alien, her voice slightly cracking with barely suppressed rage as her fists shook at her sides, chest heaving from the adrenaline...she'd almost been too late...

"I was merely paying back a debt. Step aside." Y'Gythgba replied coldly, her arm raised, the gun still pointing at Raphael.

"If you want to hurt him, you're going to have to go through me!" April shrilled and Raphael wanted to deter her but his tongue was glued to the bottom of his mouth.

"This is **not** your battle! Now, kindly, step aside!"

" **NO!** " April screamed and Y'Gythgba found her feet skidding back on the dirt from the visceral waves of psychic energy reeking from the human.

The gun fell by her side and Y'Gythgba went silent as she stared at the girl, recalling her to be part of the group but seemed to be more of the background decoration than a contending member. The alien did not recall this mere human having such power and it was a bit off-putting when she had a mission to complete.

"Fine...it appears as if you leave me no choice." the lizard replied without a hint of emotion, redirecting her bullet to be level to April. Within seconds, a blast of searing hot lasers shot out from the front of the weapon but as soon as they were in nearby contact, they ricocheted off an invisible wall. The redirected light shot toward the Salamandrian and she was forced to dodge it. Head flinging in the direction it headed, Y'Gythgba was stunned into silence; never had she seen anything of the sort...not since coming into contact with certain pink blob-like aliens...

"Is that all you got!?" April shouted, bringing the female alien out of her stupor. A Cheshire Cat smile inched up the redhead's face before a high octave shrill caused Raphael to cover his ears, the sound reverberating in waves. April's fingers were placed lightly on her forehead, crystal clutched in her palm as waves after waves of physical power etching through the surroundings, causing the seemingly invincible Mona Lisa to fly back, smashing her onto the alien soil. The lizard barely seemed phased as she stood back up with a low growl, muttering obscenities in her language as she quickly began approaching at break-neck speed.

Raphael found himself not being able to move, his body screaming at him to get up and help when suddenly, Y'Gythgba was thrown off her feet once again.

April stood firm, feet planted on the dirt as she stared at the alien; never allowing her out of her sight as she attacked yet again. The crystal clutched tighter as she closed her eyes and focused on her energy; the blue flicker in her mind's eye all she needed to keep track of her. April was not yet done, reaching deeper into power she was still learning to control, she suddenly grabbed hold of Y'Gythgba's body.

A sharp cry left said alien as she found herself being held up in the air by a pair of invisible hands, being flung around as if she weighed no more than a feather. April used every ounce of remaining strength into controlling this new ability, not finding herself able to cause the beautiful alien more physical harm then necessary. The pull of her energy it took was draining fast and April knew that her body would not hold up much longer. With a final push, the redhead flung the alien to the dirt below where she landed with a loud thump and the gun she'd been holding flew into a rocky outcropping many yards away. Body shaking, April prayed the Salamandrian didn't try and attack further, her body already pushed to its breaking point and she was certain she'd collapsed if she had to do anything more.

Y'Gythgba pushed herself up to hands and knees but didn't move further.

April slowly approached the injured alien, who moved to a sitting position on the ground, claws digging angrily into the dirt underneath her.

A shadow cast over her form, the alien lizard quickly lifted her head and stared into the face of what should be her murderer; a simple human girl who wasn't anything special on the outside but hiding a deadly powerful secret. The beautiful alien never broke eye contact with the human; if this girl was going to be the one to end her life, she was going to look her in the eye as she did so.

One thing was certain - Y'Gythgba was **not** going out as a coward.

As strong as she was physically, there was no doubt that her body was already damaged enough from the crash into this planet and the visceral energy coming off the human made it not even worth trying to overcome her in this state. The emotional drain of losing her lifelong partner had taken too much of a toll; while stubborn as a bull, she knew when she had to give up...and she was just so emotionally, physically, and spiritually exhausted to go on fighting anymore...

"You've defeated me! Just _do_ it, already!" she screeched in defeat to the strange human girl when April made no move to attack further.

April was silent for a long time as she stared at the beautiful alien who even with marred skin and bruises was strangely magnificent. April accepted as to why perhaps Raphael had fallen so easily for her in the first place; yet at this moment, all the redhead could recall was the first meeting and how easily she herself been defeated like an utter plaything by the powerful alien and now the tables had been turned. They were spared and April was ready to repay that debt.

" **No.** I'm not going to do that. The only thing I will do is warn you to never hurt Raphael again - and if you do, I _promise_ I will not be so merciful next time." April demanded firmly; hoping she didn't pass out where she stood.

Y'Gythgba said nothing; standing to her feet, the alien nodded her head respectfully before heading back to the crater. Just moments later, the sound of an space engine filled the air and within milliseconds, Y'Gythgba's ship was nothing more than a blip on the horizon.

Raphael was still on the ground. His knees digging into the soft earth underneath him. Green-eyes wide as he stared at the back of April, who had still yet to move since Mona Lisa took off in a flash of light. He had been ready for death - accepted it - then out of nowhere, there she was. Someone he didn't deserve, he broke her heart - she saved him from certain death with power he never could have imagined she possessed.

April suddenly turned back at him, her eyes scanning over his body to make sure there were no injuries. He noticed her flinch when she saw the mark on his head and the dark bruise developing on his cheek. When she approached, her fingers deftly reaching out to prod softly at the wound and Raphael was certain not to push her away this time. After only a moment, she pulled away once she was satisfied that it was only superficial, she finally met his eyes.

...but this time, Raphael couldn't read anything in the blue depths...

April gave him a tight smile, standing up and lifting her hand to gesture him to follow her before making her way back to the group, who were still continuing their search for their AWOL brother somewhere in this alien landscape.

Raphael stared at her back as she continued getting farther and farther away. His chest aching as his own stupid decisions and the cold feeling of betrayal still sucking the air out of his lungs. A numbness enveloped his chest in ice at the situation he found himself in and his breath became labored.

"...April..." he whispered suddenly, but she was too far away to hear it.

* * *

 


	16. Abysmal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Raphael has fallen into a pit of despair over Mona Lisa's betrayal with little hope of escape.

* * *

Steps heavy and head pounding mercilessly, April walked back toward the direction of the Fugitoid's ship.

The redhead's mind and body a torrent of emotions she had no reign over right now; main thoughts plagued with realization that she'd almost been too late to save him. If she'd showed up only one millisecond later... _Raphael would be dead_...and she would have been a witness to at all. How if that had happened, there would have been no telling of the aftermath; either she'd lose herself to grief and give Mona Lisa a chance to finish her off as well or she would be completely consumed with an all-encompassing rage, destroying everything in her path like a raging tornado hellbent on destruction.

Lord only knows what would even remain in the aftermath...

It was a scenario she'd rather not even comprehend Shaking her head of those troubling thoughts, April focused on her direction, taking a glance down at the small locator she'd nabbed before leaving the ship to make sure she was on the right path. The barely audible beeps and the bright light of her location showed her right on track back to the ship for the last thing she needed was to get lost right now. The question still remained if she even had the strength to make it at all but she was determined regardless.

Squaring her shoulders, April moved on; relishing the fact that Raphael was alive; Mona Lisa was gone, and Donnie still liked her even after telling him the truth. All in all, it turned out to be a pretty successful day. Raphael almost getting killed by that beautiful lizard was a reality she avoided but it still haunted her; how easily life could just be taken away (much like Splinter if the Fugitoid hadn't reversed time.)

April's thoughts fell to the wayside when she suddenly found herself swaying on her feet; needing to grab a rocky outcropping nearby just to keep her balance. Taking deep breaths. she focused on the grains underneath her hands just to focus on the here and now. Her body and mind screamed for sleep or just pass out to give her much needed reprieve but doing that here was strictly not an option.

Pushing herself back up and defying the need to collapse, she continued.

* * *

Leonardo was frantic at this point, straying a few paces in front of the group; his head snapping this way and that in hoped to get a glance of his brother's signature red mask.

It'd been far too long since he'd disappeared and even Fugitoid was beginning to sense the hopelessness of the situation. He still kept rather upbeat to make sure Mikey and Casey stayed calm but it was an uphill battle; a losing one at that.

"Raphie!" Mikey shouted over the edge of a seemingly endless cliff; his frantic voice echoing into the inky black abyss but there was no reply.

"M-Michelangelo, come now. I highly doubt that Raphael is down there." Professor Honeycutt chided, grasping at Mikey's arm, when he strayed too close to the edge, and back toward the group.

"B-But Fugitoid, he could be **anywhere** by now!" Mikey defended, pulling his arm from the kind robot and hopelessly gesturing to the massive expanse of the desert area surrounding them.

"Yeah, we should be even lookin' under rocks by now!" Casey weighed in, brown eyes wide and breathing slightly erratic.

"Now, now, let's not get ahead of ourselves," Fugitoid put his hands up placatingly to try and get the group back under control, "I highly doubt Raphael would take shelter under this massive boulders, I'm sure he's nearby, we just need to stay diligent in our search and stay calm-"

" **RAPHAEL!** " Leonardo suddenly screamed louder than any of them had ever heard from the normally stoic leader before and that marked the beginning of the breaking point for the group, minus Fugitoid of course.

Mikey and Casey swiftly broke out in separate directions, heading this way and that to see if they could perhaps get a better vantage point to see further into the barren landscape in hopes of finding their lost brother and friend.

Fugitoid sighed, his arm suddenly bleeping lowly and is eyes widened. "Aw, shucks." the robot chided at the message. Massive wind storm was approaching quickly and if they didn't move soon, they would be caught in the eye of it. "Well, as if the day couldn't get any worse..." Orange eye lights lifted, wondering how on earth he was going to corral the frantic turtles and human into taking shelter or heading back to the ship.

Leonardo ran even further ahead, his mind lost to panic and anxiety as he took off into the northbound direction, but like an explorer without a compass, he was completely blind.

In this state, Leonardo barely stopped in time before he could barrel straight into April.

" _A-April?_ What are you doing out here alone?!" Leo admonished, staring in shock at the girl who he believed to be back on the ship. Her lack of reaction was enough of a shock to make him completely forget he was on a rampaging search for his younger brother right now.

April stared up blankly at Leonardo for a moment; her eyes glazed and unfocused. Looking at the blue-banded terrapin for many long seconds before her eyes lit up in recognition. " _Leo_?" she asked, voice raspy and weak.

Fugitoid was beside them in moments; scanning the human girl up and down for signs of injury or trauma but thankfully found none. "She appears to be only exhausted. Miss April, have you been using your psychic abilities to try and locate Raphael? Have you found him?"

April was far too tired to respond, instead just nodding slightly as she tried and steady herself on her feet.

"You found Raph!? Where is he?!" Leo shouted, placing his hands upon her shoulders and staring her frantically in the eyes as he awaited her answer with bated breath.

"Over there. H-He should be following me." April responded lowly, her hand weakly gesturing to the place to which he was last located.

"So Raphie's okay?" Mikey interceded, reaching April and catching her when her legs suddenly gave out from under her.

"Miss April!" Fugitoid chirped frantically, lowering himself to his knees to give her another once over. His fingers reaching out to her wrist to check her blood pressure and pulse, which was way too high. The robot's hands rose and were placed upon her forehead where her bangs were soaked with sweat from her temperature that was going out of control. It was not a good sign.

"'m fine..." the girl replied weakly, pushing at Mikey in an attempt to stand up. She succeeded slightly with the youngest terrapin's help but it wasn't going to last long by Fugitoid's assumptions.

"There is a storm coming quickly," Fugitoid said and the others noticed in their blind panic that the wind had been increasing but had ignored it until now, "but if Raphael is out there, we need to find him. Leo, Mikey: you two go collect Raphael and do it quickly while myself and Casey will take April back to the ship for medical assistance and some much needed repose." Fugitoid spoke firmly to the group and Leo was nodding and about to leave when Casey spoke up.

"Hey wait! I wanna go too!"

"Fugitoid needs your help. We'll be fine!" Leo grumbled, hating that Casey was holding him up from precious time needed to locate his brother.

"But I -"

"He's **our** brother - we'll go." Leo interrupted, squaring his shoulders.

"...He's mine too!" Casey said suddenly, the raw emotion lacing his voice taking Leonardo by surprise.

"Casey..." Fugitoid said softly, holding the nearly unconscious April up rather unsuccessfully as the girl stubbornly wiggled in his grasp, trying to walk back to the ship on her own.

Casey glanced back and caught himself between a rock and a hard place; desperately wanting to help April as well as his best friend but he supposed April needed him more right at this moment. "Okay, I'll go, but be sure to slap him on the back of the head for me!" the lanky human demanded.

Mikey just gave him a thumbs up before himself and Leonardo took off into the oncoming storm in search for their hotheaded brother. The massive dust clouds grew closer and closer, the ominous darkening sky was alarming. Time was definitely not on their side at this point; they **had** to find Raphael before the storm hit because with the influx of dust and dirt, it could literally bury their brother alive with little to no hope of finding him.

Casey and Fugitoid walked with April between them. The young woman pushing herself to the brink of collapse; she was stubborn, they'd give her that. The determined young woman wasn't invincible though, her foot catching on a partially buried rock had her nearly face-planting if the Professor had slower reflexes. Collapsed to her knees between them; it was obvious the young woman was far to exhausted to continue walking and she knew it. April just gave them both a shrug and without saying a word to what his plans were, Casey puffed out his chest and tried picking her up bridal style but ended up failing miserably at doing so. Grunting, Casey relinquished his hold on April when Fugitoid stepped in and picked her like the lanky human was attempting to but where he had failed, the robot succeeded, much to the vigilante's dismay.

Almost as soon as she was wrapped comfortably in his metal arms, April had passed out to both of their relief. Fugitoid looked to Casey and noticed how the lanky human looked rather miffed and it was obvious why but if Casey thought the robot wouldn't bring it up, he was sadly mistaken.

"You are much to skinny to carry her, Casey; there's only about twenty pounds difference between you and Miss O'Neil. Scientifically, you'd need to put on at least thirty more pounds of muscle to carry her easily; or you can just have a robot body where weight and muscle mass is not an option. Hee-hee! As much as I miss my old body, there are certain advantages to being only a brain in a machine." Professor Honeycutt weighed in with his chirpy voice and Casey felt the heat of embarrassment light up his cheeks as the two continued their journey

Casey grumbled as he stared at his noodle arms and just thanked his lucky stars Raph wasn't here to hear that or else he'd be living with Raph's teasing for the rest of his damn life. A sudden moment of worry for said terrapin shoved a lump in his throat but he swallowed it down and followed wordlessly after Fugitoid.

* * *

Raphael sat exactly where April had left him. A hollowness filling his eyes that had never been there before; something inside of him had been broken. His spirit that was always fighting; always determined to keep going, to survive and conquer any doubts...now it was utterly shattered in the confines of his chest.

The seemingly invincible Raphael was for lack of a better term, a shell of his former self, within a matter of moments.

The red-banded terrapin sat silently in the alien dirt, staring at the changing colors in the sky that signaled a wind storm greater than any before was rolling toward him at an alarming rate; yet he could not find it in him to care. Wishing instead for the earth to open up and swallow him whole; to abolish this sense of anguish and betrayal lodged into his gut like hot cinders.

Raphael grew up knowing who he was, building walls around himself to prevent being hurt. He was a part of a city that few even knew he existed, yet he drained blood, sweat, and tears over it; fighting and risking his life daily for the safely of that city. While he'd get battered and bruised physically, the walls around his heart were sturdy to prevent emotional damage to his heart that didn't take any pain well.

Rejection was at every turn, whether it be that druggie who screamed and kicked him in the shin even after he saved her from certain death from an armed mugger when he was only eleven years old or April who screamed bloody murder when she first saw their mutated forms. To his current situation coming from Mona Lisa, a woman who he seemed to be caught up in a whirlwind romance with. He'd never let anyone in as quickly as her. Their first day together, he was certain she was the one; never had a woman made him feel the way she did...well...he thought so anyway...

So blind by his infatuation, he ignored the warning signs; striving to believe she loved him just as much as he did her. Not caring that he'd only known her for a few hours and limited conversations, she was still a virtual stranger whose real name he couldn't hope to pronounce.

Yet, she smiled at him; bopped her nose on his and kissed his mouth. It was awkward and weird and hurt his neck to do so, but he didn't care. Wanting to believe this could work; a hardcore warrior alien might be in love with him and he latched onto it like a lifeline. Mona Lisa didn't reject him like so many before; she wasn't a person who sugar-coated and sweet talked him to believing lies, she was raw and real and he didn't want anything else...and as stupid and cliche as it may be, he wanted her to just run away with him where they could be together forever.

Never would Raphael believe she would have done what she did. Ready and willing, and nearly ending his life if April hadn't interceded. He could still recall the heat coming from the gun, the explosion that was still causing his ears to ring. Raphael had been ready for death; ready for whatever afterlife awaited him; hell most likely for his many transgressions throughout his young life...the people he'd hurt, killed, the many times he'd hurt his loved ones with his brash attitude and rude words.

A sudden sharp pain ripped through his chest at how fucking stupid he was at how he could ever believe _**anyone**_ could ever want him...

Pushing his family and friends away in lieu of chasing a girl he had no business with. Reality was harsh, had she not tried to kill him just now, what were the odds she'd go home to Earth with him? Life in sewers and spend her life on a planet she knew nothing about rather than spending the remainder of her life protecting her planet alongside her partner. He felt like the universe's biggest idiot...

So blind by her beauty and strength, piercing golden eyes, badass physique and melodious voice that he was ignorant of the reality that faced him. The rejection he'd expected at every turn and the logical side of him speaking truth he didn't want to hear. Raphael wanted to believe perhaps fate would be kinder this time around. That perhaps finding and falling for Mona Lisa was supposed to happen...he'd never felt more foolish in his life...

Raphael was broken; his spirit that was so fierce was completely shattered within moments with no hopes of rebuilding it anytime soon if ever. He didn't want to move; didn't want to face April or his family again; didn't want to be mocked for his egregious mistake that he'd possibly never be forgiven for.

Green eyes squinting into the wind, he stared at the upcoming storm and waited for death; waiting for the sand and earth to pummel him until he could breathe no more, covering up his body until he finally suffocated and died just like he deserved to. He didn't deserve a second chance; didn't deserve April's forgiveness or friendship; didn't deserve to fight alongside his brothers or best friend, or even the chance to see father again...

He didn't deserve anything...but death...

It wasn't meant to be for the second the terrapin surrendered to whatever fate befall him, his brothers were lifting him to his feet as soon as the dirt started pounding into his body.

The tiny pellets of dirt and glass hitting his body like shrapnel as his brother's hauled him to his feet and began walking swiftly. Raphael didn't help in the least, dragging his feet into the dirt; he wanted to scream at Leo and Mikey to put him down, to let him die, but the words wouldn't come. His tongue akin to lead and super-glued to the bottom of his mouth, Raphael remained as silent as stone as he was reluctantly pulled away from his impending death.

"It's okay, Raph. We'll be there soon." Mikey said against his head, the youngest turtle's helmet muffling the words slightly but Raphael still heard it. A sharp pain invaded his body at the words; his older and little brother helping him after everything he had done. His multiple sins still needing accounting for and it wasn't fair. He deserved to die alone, not to be saved by April or his brothers and the comforting words coming from the youngest turtle's mouth were not warranted. Everything inside of his body screamed at him to protest this second-chance of life that he didn't deserve but something incredible happened when he felt a firm hand brushing over his wound.

Green eyes turning to his older brother in shock; the leader's eyes were filled with tears and concern Raphael didn't expect from his normally stoic brother.

"You're gonna be okay, Raph." Leo spoke smoothly, running a hand along a trail of blood that began to leak from his wound. Leonardo's blue eyes were too warm, too welcoming and forgiving.

He could barely take it.

Raphael may have deserved to die but they didn't and he knew they wouldn't leave him alone, so he moved, knowing if they were gonna make it out of there, he had to help. Closing his eyes and feeling embarrassment and anger at his own stupidity arise in his chest, his feet weakly planted to the alien dirt and he began to walk with them.

* * *

 


	17. Atonement

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Back on the ship, Raphael falls further to his depression stemming from Mona Lisa's betrayal and April is struggling to physically recover from the fight.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, this chapter got out of hand. Almost 5,000 words... Oh well, only (hopefully) three more chapters to go - it's gonna be hard tying up all the loose ends I have but I'm gonna try. :-) Enjoy y'all. xoxo

* * *

As soon as Casey and Fugitoid crossed over into the threshold of the ship, Donatello dropped whatever he was doing and sprinted over to the them when he noticed a familiar figure cradled in the robot's arms. The panic lacing his eyes as he reached them, looking up and down the unconscious young woman for any signs of trauma or injury for a reason as to why she'd be passed out cold.

"A-April?" the genius asked shakily, reaching out a hand and brushing it lightly over her much too warm cheek.

"Miss April went far beyond the limits of her psychic powers in order to locate Raphael, and her temperature has been increasing since." Fugitoid explained much to Donnie's dismay; his eyes straying from April for one second to look toward the door to see if said red-banded brother was there so he could give the hothead a piece of his mind. Sensing his confusion, Fugitoid continued, "Raphael was not with April when we ran into her. Leonardo and Michelangelo are retrieving him and will be back soon; for now, I suggest we get her to bed and ice her down as much as possible to keep the fever from spiking out of control."

Nodding at the robot, Donnie ran toward a free cot to quickly clean it up before Fugitoid laid her upon the cool sheets. Once she was comfortable, the two geniuses shooed away the fidgeting hockey vigilante and began working on getting her temperature back to normal. Fugitoid was methodical as he went to remove as much of her space armor and clothing to leave her on only a tank top and shorts she wore underneath; Donnie being way too apprehensive about doing so stepped aside to collect ice packs. Silently, they began placing multiple cooling packs around her sweaty form in a desperate attempt to cool the fever that was ravaging her body.

The robot was uncharacteristically quiet as he worked which really freaked out the purple-banded terrapin. The normally upbeat robot looked downright troubled as he swiftly began retrieve more items from the other rooms without his usual grace.

Donatello looked down at April when the Fugitoid was absent, his mind screaming at him to start asking the robot questions as to what exactly occurred to cause her to land in this state. If she was doing minor location to telepathically connect with Raphael to figure out where he was didn't seem to be enough to land her in such a devastating predicament health-wise. Considering her condition was better when she transported their entire ship, there was no reason for this decrease in her health.

_None of it made sense!_

Yet, he remained quiet as Professor Honeycutt returned with a cool, wet rag draped over his arm, a glass of water, and a few pills in a small plastic cup.

"Can you assist me with trying to get Miss April to swallow these? I believe they'll work to at least decrease her headache she no doubt must be experiencing." the Professor asked.

Donatello moved without a response, gingerly lifting her upper body from the bed as the robot swiftly yet carefully deposited the small burnt-orange colored pills into her mouth before allowing a trickle of water to flow in afterward. The genius terrapin smiled in relief upon hearing the young woman swallow them down but his heart ached when she whimpered in obvious pain afterward. Placing her back upon the cot, his hands moved of their own accord, brushing away the sweat-laced bangs from her forehead and continually ghosting his cool fingers over her cheek. The genius silently took the proffered rag from Fugitoid and placed it upon her searing forehead; removing himself from her presence for only a moment to retrieve a chair and returning quickly to sit next to her.

Casey continually looked upon the scene in barely-sustained panic, but Fugitoid gave him a reassuring thumbs up as he walked away from her cot; signaling that everything would indeed be okay. The vigilante's shoulders deflated at the signal and he plopped down in one of their space pods with a little more than a sigh of relief. The ship was filled with near deafening silence; the only sounds were the quiet hum of electricity and the multiple beeps and tings either coming from the Fugitoid or the many computers surrounding them. The viable tension was too great for any of it to be relaxing. His panic over April and worry over Raphael and the two turtles who were retrieving him didn't make his heart calm its furious beating.

Fugitoid made his way over to the main hub, connecting with the signal from Leonardo and Mikey; he was relieved when he saw they had indeed made enough distance from the storm and should be there within time even if they were moving slower than he liked. It would be of no use dwelling on it, so he stepped away from the computers and instead, made himself useful by preparing for their next course of action for the world would not wait to be helped. They still needed to find the last piece of the Black Hole Generator and every moment they spent here was another one wasted.

The Professor prayed that this delay would not mean the end of Earth as they knew it...

* * *

It took a full hour before Mikey and Leonardo arrived with Raphael in tow.

Said terrapin was of little to no help in the walking part after the first ten minutes; the lack of his helmet left no choice but to keep his head down and eyes closed as they were mercilessly struck with wave after wave of shrapnel like sand in each and every direction. The two brothers tried everything to keep it from hitting him; especially the bruising and open wound on his head, but the storm simply left them no time to patch him up or wait it out.

It had to wait, they had to move, and Raphael had to suffer through it in silence.

Leo let out a deep sigh of relief when Fugitoid's ship made it upon the horizon; the two brothers at a near full sprint to cover the remaining distance and once passing the threshold into the ship, the three turtles landed in a tired heap. Each of them on the verge of hyperventilating; chests heaving with lack of oxygen; the leader couldn't help but let out a chuckle in pure relief that they'd made it. After moving to a seated position and discarding his helmet to the side, he reached over to touch Raphael's shoulder but the terrapin barely responded other than pushing himself to sit down.

"Raph?" Leo asked softly, face falling and brow ridges furrowed as he stared at his younger brother who was doing little more than staring blankly at the floor. "Hey, a-are you alright?" he continued, shaking his shoulder in what he hoped was a playful manner instead of the utter panic he was feeling at seeing his brother so. _..zombie-ish_.

"Yeah, dude! You look _terrible!_ " Mikey weighed in and Leo gave the youngest brother a dry look that had his mouth snapping shut.

"Raph, what happened?" the Leader asked, reaching toward his brother's face to touch the wound but Raphael flinched at the contact and turned his face away from his blue-masked brother.

Leo's countenance fell at his reaction; knowing he wasn't going to get an easy answer as to what exactly occurred and what caused him to leave in the first place was downright frustrating. Raph wasn't normally like this; if anything, he was downright _quiet;_ by now Leo expected to at least be yelled at and to leave him alone with a few choice obscenities; but no.

 _Nothing_.

Just silence that was scaring Leonardo more than anything had thus far.

"Hey, Raph. Um, we were really worried about you. C-Can we at least get Fugitoid to clean up your woun-?" Leo asked undeterred before being interrupted by a loud voice from across the room.

" _There_ ya are, asshole! We were freakin' worried **SICK** about cha, jerk!" Casey shouted as he approached their position near the front entrance. " _This'll_ show ya to never take off like that again!"

Leo's reflexes simply wouldn't cooperate as the lanky human stomped over to the red-banded terrapin and slapped him squarely on the back of the head with a loud resounding _smack_. After the shock over it occurring faded, the side of him that wasn't berating Casey was hopeful that perhaps literally knocking some sense in his stubborn brother would do the trick but to everyone's shock and dismay, Raphael barely flinched at the action and said nothing.

"Casey! **Not** cool, dude!" Mikey admonished the lanky human with a firm voice that was not befitting of the kind turtle, scooting closer to his brother. "Hey, Raph, you okay?" he asked in a much softer tone yet Raphael didn't reply.

"Y-You hungry or something? I can go grab you a water or maybe a soda? Anything?" the youngest turtle's face fell when the only response he got was Raphael's eyes flicking to his for just a moment before returning to stare at the floor. There was so much sadness lacing his green eyes that Mikey's chest ached at the sheer amount, his own eyes filling with tears as he stared helplessly at his brother. Raphael had never acted like this with him and he really had no idea how to react or what to do to help. He looked to Leo for guidance but the leader looked just as, if not more, confused and confounded by this whole situation; even Casey Jones had gone stone silent at this strange turn of events.

Raph remained quiet, his mind disregarding the people surrounding him as he lost himself to his mind; replaying the encounter with Mona Lisa over and over in his head like a demented record player. His once fiery green-eyes were dull and haunted; countenance completely defeated as he continued to look fixedly at the dust-covered floor. Barely reacting to his brother's voices and Casey's slap; the desire to sink into the ground was debilitating.

All he wanted now was just to be left alone...yet, the occupants were not going to allow that to happen.

"What is all this ruckus going on?" Fugitoid asked as he approached, his eyes brighter when he saw Raphael in the midst of them. "Oh, Raphael. There you are. How are you?" the kind robot continued as he made it to their sides. Ignoring the devastated looks on all of their faces as he scanned over Raphael; said terrapin didn't even bother lifting his head.

Leo stared at his brother's profile; his heart lodged into his throat as he questioned just what had happened to leave his brother in this state. Raphael had _never_ acted like this... _not since Spike_...and even then, it was _**never**_ this bad... There were so many questions he had but Raphael was obviously not going to speak and the only other person that may have a inkling of what took place was in no condition to do so.

_Just what happened?!_

"Oh my. That wound looks pretty bad and you may have gotten some debris in it. Come along, I'll tend to it." the Fugitoid spoke before he grasped Raphael's wrist and attempted to pull the terrapin to his feet with little success. Professor Honeycutt seemed undaunted by Raphael's lack of attempt to obey the command for he knew how stubborn this particular brother was; it didn't phase him as he made yet another try to bring the turtle to his feet.

"Come on, Raphael. Let's go." Fugitoid spoke again, firmer this time but he may as well have been speaking to an impenetrable stone.

The terrapin didn't listen.

Didn't care to hear what the robot was speaking; all he wanted to do was disappear into the walls. A place where no one would bother him; a place where their eyes weren't burrowing into the back and sides of his head with their pitying looks.

A well of emotion lay dormant in his gut as he stared blankly at the floor; he had never felt such pain in his life. Mona Lisa's betrayal like no physical pain he could ever fathom experiencing. The beautiful lizard he swore he loved, swore he needed, wanted him _dead_ and he wished she had been successful. If she was, he wouldn't be in this place; enduring this pain that felt like a rusted pair of pliers smashing through his plastron and into his chest cavity; grasping at his heart and pulling the still beating, bloody organ out of his chest.

If she'd just killed him, if April hadn't interfered, it would have been over.

He'd been gone to whatever hellish afterlife awaited him and it would have been better than this. For if he was dead, he wouldn't of have to face his family _staring_ at him the way they were now. Looking at him like a broken toy that needed mending; something weak and pathetic that deserved sympathy he _never_ wanted or could even hope to deserve...

_...death would have been so much easier than this..._

"Raphael," Professor Honeycutt spoke firmly when Raph didn't even bother to flinch at his former words. His behavior was quite odd, for while Raphael may be rather somewhat rude and quiet at times, he was **not** this disrespectful and it was getting on Fugitoid's last nerve. "I do _not_ want to make you, but we _need_ to clean your wounds, Raphael. For the threat of infection is far too great to just allow your wounds be. Once they are dressed, we can start to get going to our next destination. There is simply no more time to dawdle; need I remind you that Earth is still in grave danger." Fugitoid tried to reason but Raphael seemed to be having none of it.

A flash of emotion crossed those dull green eyes as Fugitoid yanked at his arm yet again, this time the force was powerful enough to slightly move his butt across the floor. Raphael's face and heart clenched in familiar anger, pulling the opposite way the Fugitoid wanted him to go and the robot let out a high-pitched exclamation as he had to catch himself from falling forward.

" **Raphael!** " Fugitoid shouted at the red-terrapin's bull-headed behavior and to the shock of the audience watching this all take place. The powerful voice did not have the desired effect for Raphael just stubbornly remained seated, his eyes boring a hole into the floor as Fugitoid steamed at the terrapin's boorish behavior.

_Raphael_ _**hated** _ _this._

Hated all the looks he was getting from his brothers and Casey, the Fugitoid's words and perseverance causing a familiar anger to rise in his gut that he quickly choked down.

Raphael had always hated being the center of attention; why didn't they just realize he didn't want to be mended to? What point was there anyway? He didn't care anymore and yet they kept probing him and bothering him. The searing guilt at those thoughts plaguing him; he was just so sick of it all. He didn't want to be here anymore; didn't want to deal with this shit...

Raphael wished he had just died out there so everyone would kindly leave him the _**fuck**_ **alone**!

Nothing mattered anymore; once they found out what an idiot he was and how he chased after a woman who nearly killed him; their mocking and teasing would only successfully bury him further. There was so much shame, guilt, and anguish buried inside of him that he was certain he would detonate at any moment. His heart felt like shreds of muscle in his chest; beating to quickly and with every thrum more pain would appear.

Raphael just wished it would **STOP.**

Just wanted the world and universe to halt to give at least one second of respite, but he knew he didn't deserve that either. He didn't deserve anything; didn't deserve people still caring about him when he'd pushed them, scattered them to the wind without caring of the consequences. He'd made his bed, now he had to lay in it alone.

_This was his fault; no one else was to blame but himself..._

Without realizing it, hot tears were burning the back of his eyes as he continued to stare at the floor. He felt the four pair of eyes boring holes into his head as his body began shaking with emotion he wasn't prepared to face. The adrenaline from the confrontation with Mona Lisa was wearing off and he was just so tired... A pathetic whimper left his throat; doing everything in his power to keep the tears at bay. Raphael finally lost it when Mikey suddenly wrapped his arms around his shoulders and buried his face into his throat. The youngest terrapin's shoulder effectively blocking his face from their eyes, Raphael closed his eyes, allowing the trails of molten liquid to silently drain down his cheeks.

_Raphael never cried..._

Always picturing it to be the weakest thing a person could do; allowing themselves to appear as a fool to the world around them. No sounds left his mouth, just water leaking out of his eyes that didn't seem to have any indication of stopping. Such shame at this whole situation buried deep into his chest without any doubt it would always be there.

Mikey's arms the only semblance of relief as he allowed himself to fall apart not knowing if he'd ever fully recover, but as his youngest brother's arms tightened around him, something incredible happened in that moment. A sense of relief he'd never felt pour over his body; so many pent up aggression, guilt, anguish, and anger slightly fading with the droplets of warm salty water cascading down his face.

Raphael's heart skipped when he felt water trickling in his throat and knew Mikey was crying as well. It profoundly shattered him in the knowledge his little brother was crying over him. He wasn't worth it...wasn't worth his brother's tears or their overwhelming concern.

_He deserved none of it..._

"It's gonna be okay, Raphie..." Mikey whispered against his head, quiet enough only he could hear it. The rest of the world around them was silent; only the noise of blood rushing in his ears and his hammering heart the only indication he was still alive. Everything inside of him still felt hallow but the pain was dull enough that the tears ebbed to a stop. Wiping his face upon Mikey's metal shoulder pads, not caring how the smooth metal made a squeaking noise as he did so.

Pulling away from his brother's shoulder, Mikey gratefully allowed him to move away from him. Blue eyes peering over at something in the distance, Mikey didn't look at him as Raphael quickly wiped his dirty hand over his face and smearing more dirt upon his cheeks. Avoiding all the eyes still directed his way, he wordlessly walked over to the main room where Fugutoid was planning to take him.

"We're here for you when you need us, Raph." Leonardo spoke to his retreating back but he didn't stop.

"Yeah, dude...Sorry about hittin' ya..." Casey weighed in a moment later with a shrug.

Raphael said nothing but kept walking.

If anything, their kind words only twisted his heart further in a tightly wound knot. Wiping frantically at the rebellious tears that leaked from his burning eyes, he jumped when he felt a metal hand appear over his wrist. Legs shaking underneath him, he allowed the Professor to guide him into the bedrooms; hoping and praying that all of this would be over quickly.

Raphael still felt the pairs of eyes drilling into the back of his head until the door closed behind them; their many questions going unanswered and if he had anything to do with it; they would remain that way...even if he knew he was futile. For once April awoke, she'd most likely tell everyone everyth-

Raph's heart froze in his chest when he saw her.

Something clenched his heart in an icy vice-grip as he noticed April lying so unbelievably still on a cot. Her face red and sweat lining her forehead; her lack of clothing and being surrounded by small blue packs of ice had his heart plummet to his bowels. It ignited a fire inside of him to see her this way; the girl who just saved his life had never looked worse. Chest shaking, he began making his way toward her; panic immediately pouring into his abdomen; ice coating his plastron when he saw Donnie over the unconscious redhead lying deathly still on the bed.

At this very moment, his anger and guilt faded to background noise and it was as if he could hear again. Mind clear, the only thing Raphael experienced at this very moment was an all-encompassing need to help her. Outweighed only by his fierce obligation to apologize profusely for being the universe's biggest asshole; for breaking her heart and crushing it to the ground in his weakness; a slave to his own demented infatuation with a woman who wanted him dead. Raphael's desire and readiness to die faded upon seeing her laying there; knowing he had a new purpose now; one to repay her for his many transgressions. In a fruitless attempt at repaying her back for saving his own worthless life.

Raph was drawn to her cot and began to approach, but one look from his genius terrapin changed his mind.

Donatello appeared stoic but there was a furnace of underlined fury in those brown eyes when Donnie noticed him making his way toward her. Something inside of Raphael suddenly clenched painfully inside of his chest when he read his brother's eyes. An anger he'd never seen before lacing the reddish-brown irises; they even appeared to be on fire.

It was at this moment when Raphael realized April must have told him...she must have told Donnie _everything_.

The feeling of utter guilt returned, wedged in his chest as he was re-directed back to his own cot by the Fugitoid's gentle robotic hands. Sitting down, the Professor quietly got to work on Raphael's wounds but his green eyes never strayed from April.

"...I-Is she okay?" Raphael whispered, voice raspy and raw, and he realized it was the first time he had spoke since his confrontation with Mona Lisa.

The Fugitoid seemed not surprised by this, answering quickly, "Her fever has been quite alarming; spiking out of control since we returned. She was really short with us as to what happened, all she said was she found you and that was about it. I'm not certain exactly what occurred, but if we perhaps had a better indication as to what exactly happened out there, we may be able to help her further."

Heart palpitating uncomfortably, his eyes directed back to the Fugitoid's, the robot's eyes boring into his with an all too-familiar knowing look. So much like his brother... This genius was not to be messed with and Raphael knew immediately the Professor wanted answers that April did not give. Yet Raphael was too stunned to speak.

April told them nothing of what happened; didn't mention Mona Lisa, the fight, or even the fact that she had to save his useless ass from a fatal bullet.

"April got in a fight and won..." Raphael answered softly, his eyes straying to his feet.

"I suspected as much..." the Professor replied as he procured a pair of tweezers and began to pick the debris of his open wound. "Mind telling me more information?"

The physical pain was a welcome change to the black hole that developed in Raphael's chest. It took his mind off it it for a moment at least. He stewed Fugitoid's words for a moment, hating how it felt so much like an interrogation like Splinter would do when Raphael had been caught doing wrong as a child. Swallowing down the shame, he knew not responding now was useless. "...she fought Mona."

"Hmm...I suppose that explains the reason her body is in so much distress. An enemy of that caliber cannot be easy to defeat with someone still not having a complete grasp of telepathic techniques." Fugitoid sighed, putting aside the tweezers to put some alcohol on a cotton swab, dabbing absentmindedly at his wounds as Raphael flinched at the searing pain.

"Is she gonna be okay?" Raph asked, wide green eyes searching out Fugitoid's but the robot continued to stare at his wound instead.

"I don't know..." the words that put Raphael's heart into a vice-grip. The Futitoid knew everything and for the robot not to know if April's condition would improve caused an involuntary tremble in the terrapin's chest.

"...W-What?" Raphael asked, hoping he just heard wrong.

Fugitoid remained silent as he retrieved a bandage and silently applying it to his head. As he awaited an answer, all Raphael could hear was his heartbeat in his ears and pulse hammering. Suddenly feeling ill, he put his hand to his mouth as Fugitoid began cleaning up the area.

"Only time will tell." Professor Honeycutt spoke, placing the first-aid kit back in its proper place before beginning to shoo Raphael out of the room. "Now, there's no more time left to dawdle. We must begin preparations to find the last piece of the Black Hole Generator. Too much time has been wasted already."

Fugitoid left his side and Raphael was left alone in the hub room. It took many long moments before he moved again; walked silently over to the expansive window to stare at the isolated alien landscape, but instead of the miles of brown dirt, he focused on his own reflection.

First observation - he looked like hell.

Eyes bloodshot, obvious space dirt crusted track marks upon his face where he allowed hot trails of tears to fall. He hadn't cried in what felt like years; recalled the last time being the first night they were first stuck on this ship. Losing Splinter, the earth, everything... April was there. She'd touched his shoulder and never judged him when the tears fell; instead, just grasped his hand and laid her head on his shoulder when all the grief he'd bottled underneath the surface so long finally cracked and the flood was released.

The next day when he swore she'd bring it up - make fun of him or mention it to his brothers, he was shocked to know she never did. Never spoken of it again as if it never even happened. Whether it was just to protect his feelings or what, he'd never been more grateful than that very moment... It only magnified the grave misdeed he'd done to the pretty redhead when he completely broke her heart and now it was uncertain if he'd ever have the chance to apologize.

Tears stung his eyes but these weren't allowed to fall.

The guilt overwhelming to the point he wished she'd let him die...but that was in the past now. He didn't deserve the easy way out; instead, Raphael swore the rest of whatever was left of his undeserved life would be spent making it up to her and letting her know just how sorry he was...even if she never forgave him...


	18. Trepidation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So many people hurt by abrasive actions and harsh circumstances...is there really any room for forgiveness?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright, I think may be able to put the rest of this story into just a few more chapters, it may be 21 versus my initial thought of only 20 chapters but only to tie up some loose ends (an epilogue of sorts). We're closing in on the ending. Hope you're enjoying the journey as much as I am. :-)
> 
> Also, this chapter really kicked my ass... UGH! So sorry it took so long to update but I needed extra time for this nightmare of a chapter...

* * *

Two days weren't normally a long drawn-out stretch of time by anyone's standards, but for Raphael Hamoto, it may as well have been a lifetime.

Forced to focus toward their final obligation, to reach the last piece of the Black Hole Generator, before the Triceratons could get their grubby hands on it. As hard as it was to focus only on their task, it was necessary for the entire world was counting on them. Their six month stint here in space was almost over, they'd collected all the pieces but one; slowly closing in the planet covered in lava and fire where the last piece remained. It was only a matter of time before they'd be forced upon the burning surface to locate and successfully retrieve it before the Triceratons were able to. What happened afterward was anyone's guess...

Forcing himself to only focus on the task at hand was monumentally strenuous for the state of the hotheaded terrapin; especially considering what he'd been through these past few days.

The betrayal from a woman he disillusioned himself to believe loved him remained like a hot cinder permanently wedged in his gut and rising throughout his entire chest cavity on occasion. Every single time he closed his eyes, the fierce hate that echoed in her golden irises was unlike any he'd ever received - not since facing down Shredder and yet, the one echoing in hers was far more profound. This was someone he'd grown to trust, fighting side-by-side, holding her hand, brushing her snout with his own; the ghost of her mouth on his that remained had been wiped away since he'd returned back on the ship.

Raphael wasn't over it though - feared it would remain til the day he died. A phantom pain in which would haunt him the rest of his days; it was nothing you can easily forgive or forget. Reuniting with someone you missed desperately only to meet and stare down the barrel of a gun; the one holding it was someone you could have easily pictured yourself living the remainder of your life with.

It was a betrayal so earth-shattering and devastating that Raphael feared there would never be a complete recovery.

To move on from those suicidal thoughts was only his ability to bury it so deep inside himself where he prayed it stayed; silently haunting him til he drew his last breath. He'd never fully recover, so apprehensive about experiencing it again, he was unsure if he could trust anyone anymore... Those thoughts haunted him but for now, he choked them down; dealing with the beautiful Mona Lisa's betrayal in strides. A necessity at this point just to be able to function mainly because there was something else that kept rising to the surface in its place that was enough to keep him grounded.

Green eyes gravitated toward an adjoining cot and an all too-familiar sight that immediately had his stomach knotting uncomfortably and heart rising to his throat. The person lying there still not moving, barely responding to treatments, and by Fugitoid's diagnosis and everyone on the ship's dismay, slowly getting worse.

The words were profound to him for it was his own fault that April was in this situation; saving him from an enemy she had no business fighting - and it was on _his_ behalf. While April succeeded in her endeavor, the side-effects had been catastrophic for her fragile human body to take. Her fever spiked occasionally, barely able to keep water down, and worse yet, April had yet to wake up; it was enough for the guilt to slowly eating him alive and his own problems dealing with Mona Lisa's betrayal seem significantly smaller.

A sigh leaving his parched throat, he watched as Donatello, who'd been keeping constant vigil over the redhead, slowly wring out a white rag before placing it back upon her forehead. Said turtle appeared positively sick; bright olive skin now ashen green as he continually stayed by April's side. Raphael remained not far behind, not sleeping or eating; instead, obeying the fierce need to keep watch over her. It was so great it even numbed him from the look constantly given to him by Donatello. His purple-banded brother had barely spoken to him since he returned, tasked with following Fugitoid's orders of checking his bandages from time to time the only reason he spoke to or interacted with him at all.

Never had Raphael felt further away from Donatello at this point.

There had been so many times Raphael wanted to speak to him but the words simply wouldn't come. For what could he actually say? Apologies weren't his forte but he wasn't sure if that's what he should be doing toward Donnie in the first place. Sure, he ran off like a coward and made all of his brothers and Casey worried sick but that seemed to be the farthest thing from Donnie's mind. It came to what exactly April had confided in the purple-banded terrapin and why he kept getting all these looks but it seemed to be a lost cause for Donnie hadn't uttered a single word about it. Raphael was just as worried for April so they couldn't even fine common ground in that - Donnie simply wouldn't budge from the spot and any hopes he had of approaching her bedside were deterred by the genius's deadly stare.

Raphael was simply at a loss of what to do or where to turn...

"Donatello, we should be arriving at our destination by morning." Fugitoid spoke as he silently appeared from the doorway, his calm robotic voice breaking Raphael from his thoughts.

"Already?" Donnie asked not bothering to hide the confusion in his raspy voice at this new information.

"Why, yes. While we were still boarded on the previous station, I was able to purchase and install some new and improved thrusters for the ship. I'm 97% certain we should arrive in as little as twelve hours. Which is record time! It even makes up for the time we lost - and if all goes to plan, we may even beat the Triceratons there! Woo-woop!" the robot replied with a victorious fist-bump in the air; voice as chipper as ever. The happy android not seeming to sense or care about the somber atmosphere in the room.

"...Oh. Okay." Donnie muttered, turning his attention back to April.

Raphael didn't feel right in speaking since the conversation didn't seem to be directed towards him. His eyes gravitated back to April as well; hands folding nervously in his lap as he stared at the unconscious redhead.

Fugitoid didn't leave; silently watching the scene for a long drawn out minute. Taking in Donatello's frantic state over April's health and well-being and Raphael's downright quietness during this whole situation. The red-banded turtle had done a 180 since those first tense moments when he arrived back on the ship. Raphael was quiet - downtrodden and not himself by any stretch of the imagination. The robot was still not exactly sure what took place for said terrapin was still withholding a lot of information and refusing to budge whenever he'd bring it up.

While worrisome, it was understandable.

Fugitoid was certain that in due time, Raphael would come clean or at least recover for whatever happened out there. As he gazed openly at the shorter turtle, he noticed the direction of his eyes; recalling them rarely leaving April's bed and keeping as much of a vigil as Donatello had been. It was obvious Raphael wanted to be near her in order to help any way he could; the guilt reeking off of him was almost visceral. It was frankly very obvious the red-banded terrapin blamed himself for what occurred to Miss April. Seeing Raphael acting in such a way was enough to give Fugitoid hope that somehow, all of the tension that had been occurring these past few weeks would eventually work itself out.

He just prayed the same could be said for Miss April.

Professor Honeycutt wouldn't tell them, but he feared for her. The damage wasn't physical, but mental; there was something blocking her recovery, he wasn't sure exactly what. Going through his memory banks, he pondered it for the thousandth time; questioning how exactly to help her overcome and heal, but got nothing. Orange lights looked toward Raphael again; putting together the events of what had been going on between him and April these past few weeks. The boy's obsession with Y'Garthba and April always seeming to argue with him about it when she was never that outspoken in the first few months they were on the ship. It had only been recently the redhead was actively seeking out Raphael and catching them arguing or disagreeing about one thing or another.

Frankly, it was hard _not_ to notice.

Fugitoid had been a robot for so long now it was hard to comprehend complex human emotions; the memories of them faded and dull. But he knew this when he saw it - there had been something between them. Whether it was severed or simply ignored, he saw it anyway. It was quite clear what April was feeling, but for Raphael's side of things, he wasn't sure. The young man was head over heels for the Salamadrian, Y'Gabartha, and it appeared Miss April wasn't too happy about it. Whatever took place when Raphael wasn't missing had been a catalyst, a final straw that broke the camel's back. Something happened where the alien lizard was no longer part of this confusing scenario - The Professor supposed Donnie was part of this triangle, or square of sorts. A causality in this all.

Human emotions were sure frustrating and painful; Fugitoid was rather glad he didn't have to deal with them anymore.

Staring at the scene for another moment he knew Raphael perhaps speaking to April would help - perhaps subconsciously her hearing his voice would help. Fugitoid was willing to try everything at this point...

"Donatello, when you have a moment would you mind giving me a hand with the controls?" Fugitoid spoke suddenly, arms crossed over his chest as his eyes glanced at the back of Donnie's head.

"B-But I-I-I c - uh, what about Leo?" Donnie asked, stuttering slightly as he turned to look over his shoulder at the Fugitoid. It was obvious he was not happy about being asked to leave her side but something had to be done.

"Leonardo is rather incapable of helping in this particular task. I'm sure Miss O'Neil will be fine. Raphael is here - he is more than able to watch over her." Fugitoid laid it out on the table and he didn't miss the anger that filled Donnie's eyes. Right on cue, the genius terrapin's reddish-brown eyes gazed over to his older brother who had the appearance of a kicked-puppy.

"B-B-But..." Donnie stuttered out, still refusing to leave April's side.

"I won't need you for a half-hour; but within that time, I expect you to be in the main control room." Fugitoid said in finality, not even giving Donatello a chance to answer before the door closed behind his robotic form with a resounding whoosh.

There was an even tenser silence than there had been for days. A viable tension that could be cut with a knife and both were afraid to break it.

Raphael was sick of this. He hated being treated in a way by his brother; it was hard not to just scream out in frustration. All of this was going to hell and he was so sick of it all. Holding onto anger, an emotion he knew well and could control, he was prepared to use it; opening his mouth to speak, he was just as surprised as anyone when Donnie beat him to it.

"Go ahead." Donnie muttered angrily and Raphael forced himself not to jump at his normally calm brother's angry voice.

"W-What?" Raph asked, voice a sharp rasp from his voice going unused for such a long time.

"Rub it in how two girls fell for you! Just keep rubbing salt in the wound for even when you treated April like crap that her feelings for you never changed! She _still_ loves you even after all of this and everything that **you** put her through! I-I know it's her choice and I could never make her love me but... Dammit! I **never** hurt her and she feels _nothing_ for me! I-I just don't _**get**_ it!" Donatello bellowed, fists shaking as he stared daggers at his brother.

Raphael's chest clenched upon seeing the fresh tears lining the bottom lids of his brother's big brown eyes. Raph would have been much happier dealing with Donatello's anger and harsh words but never his tears. Finding himself at a loss for words, Raphael remained silent and Donatello continued.

"I deserve to know the truth, Raphael." said terrapin flinched at the use of his full name from his brother's lips. "For so long you deterred me from pursuing her; from day one, you kept saying she'll _never_ love a freak like me!"

"Don, I never said tha-"

"Let me finish..." Donnie warned and Raph went quiet as the genius continued, "For _years_ , I told you how much I loved her and every chance you got, you kept bringing me down peg after peg and now I find out there's been something going on between you two... How she _loves_ you... You...did this all _behind my back_? For how long?!"

"Donnie... I... Okay, at first - before Northampton, I swear I stayed away! I only reason I told you those things is so you wouldn't be disappointed. I honestly thought she'd never go for a mutant! She's a human! I just thought...ugh...I...I didn't want you to see you get your heart broken..."

"You failed obviously..." Donatello muttered and Raphael felt tears burning the back of his eyes as he stared at his little brother. The sadness lacing those big brown eyes would have brought him to his knees had he been standing.

"I stood aside, Donnie."

"...What?"

"I saw her kiss you at Northampton... I'm not gonna lie, I kinda had a crush on her before then... I mean, she's pretty, smart, funny, and the only human girl we have had _any_ contact with that _wasn't_ trying to kill us. It's kinda hard not to feel _somethin'_ for her... But that's all it was at first, I **swear!** It wasn't until Northampton where we'd be spending more time together; we just hung out and I dunno, she just has this _way_ about her - she accepts us, accepted _me_." Raph spoke, unused voice breaking a few times as he continued, "...She didn't care that I was quiet or rude sometimes; she thought I was funny and the more I got to know her and let her know me... I - I dunno... I thought maybe she liked me too but the second I seen her kiss you... _I let her go_...and was _happy_ for you. I truly was because it's what you wanted and you're my little bro...so I was willing to give her up for you. I - I stayed away after we came back to New York; I stopped spending time with her and just let it go... I mean, we were still friends but nothing like it was in Northampton..."

The purple-banded terrapin took a moment to absorb his older brother's words before rebutting, "...then what changed?"

"What are you talkin' about?"

"What about here? What happened _here_ that caused all this shit to hit the fan!?" Donnie muttered and Raphael had to hold back a smile at hearing his squeaky clean brother curse.

"I dunno... I... When I met Mona Lisa, I was certain she was the one. I thought for sure perhaps I'd found _my_ April." he said with a sad chuckle, "I was on cloud nine. Believed for certain that I was in love with Mona Lisa. I completely forgot about April, pushed it to the back of my mind... Then that day she came back by herself was when April told me that she loved me. You can imagine how much shock I was in - none of it made sense! I mean, _she kissed you_! I thought for **sure** that meant she loved you but for her to tell me that... It made me mad. You're my little bro and she just flat out ignored what happened between you two and didn't stop leading you on! She just kept ignorin' how much you cared for her..." he stopped to look at his brother and his closeness who April who had still yet to stir, "How much you _still_ care for her..."

Donnie's face fell for a moment as he stole a glance at the redhead before turning his attention back to his brother, "Is that why you were treating her that way? Literally pushing her away when you never did anything of the sort before?"

"...I was **upset** , Don! She was hurting you whether she liked to believe it or not; she was! I mean, the least she could have done was _told_ you earlier instead of finding out this way...but I swear, I never wanted to hurt you Don! I **never** would do that! I let my crush go after I saw her kiss you and... I never wanted to see you get yourself hurt! I... I guess I really fucked that up too...just like I do everything else..." Raph shrugged, eyes gravitating toward his lap with a sigh escaping his lips.

There was a long silence that befell the room; Donatello taking in Raphael, who's eyes remained focused on his lap. Donnie was the first to speak.

"What about now? Do you...feel the same way she obviously still does for you?" Donnie muttered, the sadness lacing those words made Raphael's chest ache.

Raph fell into a look of quiet contemplation, staring blankly at his hands folding nervously in his lap as he digested Donatello's question. "I...I really don't know, Don... There was a time I thought I did, but...after she kissed you and hurt you, and...after what Mona did to me, I... I dunno if I could ever to feel for anyone again. If even whatever happened with Mona Lisa was love; I really don't know. I was so certain I was going to be with her...then she betrayed me. I'd rather just not feel anymore; it makes it so much easier. That way, you don't get hurt."

Donatello was desperate to ask what occurred between his brother and the beautiful alien warrior, but the words or question never came. Just hearing at how pained the words sounded coming from his strong-willed brother's mouth. He'd never once heard his red-banded brother sound so inexplicably _broken_. Whatever happened was devastating and no matter how angry Donnie still was at Raphael and all of these hellish circumstances, this was his **brother** and he still desperately loved him regardless.

"I just want her to be okay." Raphael answered, breaking Donatello from his reverie, "That's all I know for certain... She saved my life and I want to repay her for that even if she never forgives me for it..." Raphael admitted, eyes finally meeting his brothers in his confession.

Donnie looked at his brother for a long while, staring into his eyes looking for any forms of deceit or half-truths but didn't find any. He'd always been able to read his brother like an open book and he was just happy it didn't change. Satisfied, Donnie nodded at Raphael's answer and his brother replied likewise.

"Okay... I - I need to go help Fugitoid, would you mind watching her for me?" Donnie asked, standing to his wobbly legs and gesturing to the now empty chair.

Raphael immediately nodded and ambled gracelessly out of his cot before the shorter turtle approached his much taller younger brother. Raphael nervously approached and stood awkwardly by his brother, looking up at him before Donnie suddenly placed a firm hand upon his shoulder. Raphael looked up at his younger brother, questioning his actions and was about to verbally ask them when Donnie smiled at him; big gap exposed proudly as he did so.

"...Whatever happens Raph, I'll always love you and you can trust me as well as Leo and Mikey. Listen, I don't know what that girl did to you, but we're here for you...and...whatever happens, love is always worth it. It may hurt and suck like heck sometimes, but..." Donnie stole another glance at April before continuing, "...it's worth it...even if you do end up getting hurt..."

Raphael was uncertain if he believed his genius brother but he didn't say or gesture anything to contradict him. Instead, he took a deep calming breath as he took in the purple-banded terrapin; "...Thanks, Don..." Raph replied, hating how his eyes burned with tears. He didn't deserve this kindness... His heart almost burst the second his younger brother pulled him into his chest; allowing a few rebel tears to slip down his cheeks.

"I'm just glad you're okay, bro." Donnie chuckled into the side of his brother's head, not caring when his voice broke as he hugged his older brother tighter.

Raphael closed his eyes before returning it.

It wasn't much, but was a start...

* * *

Raph was uncertain of how long he sat at her side.

Donnie had not returned as quickly as he expected and it was becoming apparent he didn't plan to come back anytime soon. Tasked with watching over April wasn't easy; from being at this vantage point, he saw how sickly she looked; face flushed, cheekbones protruding and a thin sheen of sweat constantly staining her forehead.

Raphael felt physically ill the longer he watched her; fear and guilt pulling constantly at his gut as his eyes never strayed from her still form. He didn't know what to do. Raph just wanted her to get better; willing to trade places with her in a heartbeat for it was his own damn fault that she found herself in this situation in the first place. She'd saved his life when he never asked for it; pushing her aside in his own demented infatuation with an alien he barely knew.

Pondering Donatello's last question in his head; questioning his own feelings toward April was harder than he imagined. Jumping into her arms and accepting whatever feelings she may or may not still have for him was out of the question not to mention completely selfish. It would have been far too easy; a coward's way out to return her feelings regardless of his own overshadowing doubts only in a tireless effort to receive her forgiveness. He didn't want to do that to her or even to himself. April may or may not feel the same and he'd just be lying to himself if he thought he loved her back. Frankly, he didn't...or didn't believe he did anyway. There was no conceivable way to even fathom anything of the sort especially after Mona Lisa's betrayal. Love was a word and emotion he could do without right now; a hurtful, painful thing he wanted nothing to do with. There was still an aching hollowness in his chest he feared would never leave. Not wanting to experience anything of the sort again, he didn't even ponder his own feelings for long - his only motivation at this point was to make sure April pulled through...if only he knew how...

Raphael wouldn't lie - he was terrified.

Questioning if perhaps April would ever wake up; maybe she was stuck in this state of limbo, or if it got to the point where it killed her. Stomach clenching in anxiety that Raphael didn't expect, his mind wandered to these past few weeks with her. How downright cruel he was to her at times; as much as she may have hurt his brother, it was no excuse to treat her how he did. There was just so much confusion, so much anger and these hellish circumstances didn't help whatsoever. While far from innocent, April was probably just as scared and confused as all of them... It killed him knowing that even after all that...she still saved him and now, she may the ultimate price for doing so. Guilt he never fathomed gnawed at his belly at the indication she may die without him every apologizing for his behavior, without thanking her...

It was all too much.

Swallowing back a lump that clogged his throat, he tried to abolish those thoughts by his eyes gravitating to her hand; her tightly clenched fist resting atop the covers by her side.

Even in sleep, she didn't seem to get much respite from the pain. Biting his lip in contemplation for a long drawn out moment, he reached for her. Fidgeting slightly as he gently clasped her small wrist; being ginger in his movements, he began prying open her fist and hoping her fingernails weren't cutting into her skin from how tightly they were clenched. As soon as he successfully opened her hand, what he didn't expect was to find a small crystal resting in the palm of her hand. His brows furrowed at the sight, gently removing it from her hand to place it in his own. He wasn't sure if it was his imagination or not but she almost seemed relieved once it was removed. Ignoring the indication for now, he looked down at the small crystal; the sensation from it was odd, a small trickle of electricity seemed to be leaking from the dark stone.

As he pondered it, his mind wandered back to when he first saw April using it during the struggle with Mona Lisa.

Turning it this way in that in his massive green hand, he recalled those tense moments; that flicker of realization that if it wasn't for April, he would be dead now. Shot right between the eyes; bloody limp body collapsing to the sand never to be found once the dust covered him. His family would be fruitlessly searching, never knowing of his fate as he decomposed on the ruthless alien planet so far away from home... The very inkling of never again seeing his brothers, father, Casey, April, and hell, even Fugitoid again, caused an involuntary shiver to go throughout his shell...

April had been something else.

Raphael had _never_ seen her that way; downright frightening in the power she held underneath the surface. Sure, he'd known about her Kraang powers for a long time now but to experience them first-hand was a sight he kinda wished he'd been paying greater attention to. April had defeated Mona Lisa within seconds (even though in the moment it all felt like a lifetime) and the fierce alien warrior who took him down without even trying was at April's mercy. This thin, fragile-looking young human did what he never could do and it astonished him. Little did he know in the moment how much it cost her; body fighting and in anguish in order to save him. She'd tapped into powers she was still trying to understand, using them to save his life without caring the cost it would bring her.

A deep breath he wasn't aware he was holding escaped his parted lips as he closed his fist around the crystal before placing it on a table nearby. So many thoughts swirled in his head; so many regrets and questions he was sure would never be answered. So much uncertainty about everything...All he wanted was for her to live; for the chance to apologize...that's all he wanted...

* * *

For hours, he sat by her side. Donnie came once or twice to give her medicine but he never stayed long and said little. Raphael was just thankful his brother didn't seem to hate him now but there was still a bit of tension he knew would have to be addressed sooner or later. That didn't seem to matter to either of them now though as April lay on the cot without any guarantee that she'd ever wake up...

Raphael was left alone with her; his eyes burning from lack of sleep but he ignored it.

Keeping constant vigil but finding it extremely hard to stay awake. Green eyes wandering, they landed upon the small crystal he'd taken from her. With slight reluctance, he picked it up, staring at it for a long time; silently wondering if this small trinket helped her in being able to defeat Mona Lisa in the first place. Questioning its origin and how April got a hold of it fell to the wayside when a small voice he was worried he'd never hear again suddenly whispered.

" _...Raph...?_ "


	19. Forgiveness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> April wakes up to a person and words she doesn't expect.

* * *

 The first thing April became aware of was the worst headache she'd ever had the displeasure of experiencing.

Thankfully when her eyes opened, there wasn't blinding lights overhead to make it worse. All she noticed was silence in the darkened room. Once her vision cleared up to see more than blurry colors and shapes, she witnessed the interiors of the familiar surroundings of the ship by the illumination of a small blue light on the other side of the room.

Maneuvering her head was a monumental task considering every jolt of movement caused a sharp pain to echo throughout her head and neck. It was almost overwhelming but she fought against it as she turned and looked toward the presence she sensed next to her.

" _...Raph?..._ " she asked with her sore and broken voice, questioning if her mind was playing tricks on her or she was still asleep. Trying desperately to recall what happened, she found she couldn't as she stared at the red-banded turtle seated on the chair next to the bed.

Green eyes alight with surprise met hers; without waiting for a prompt, Raphael was on his feet. The nervousness reeking off of him in waves as he moved; grabbing a cool, discarded rag and offering it to her.

"H-Here's for your fever...or uh, do you even have one anymore?" he asked, hand reaching out for a moment to touch her forehead but realized the connotations of doing so, he pulled it back awkwardly to his side. The wet rag still in his hands; droplets of water hitting the floor from its perch.

"Um, um, never mind, I - I could go get you some pills instead. Oh, I know! Donnie - I'll go get Donnie!" he stated rather loudly, throwing the rag to the side where it landed with a wet _squelch_ all while he tried to amble his way towards the door and still looking over at her. Little did he know how much agony his sudden, loud voice was causing her; pain echoing throughout her head and she groaned in obvious discomfort as he neared the door.

All went silent after that.

"H-Hey, are you okay?" Raphael asked, his voice much closer than it was just moments ago and she realized she didn't even hear his steps re-approaching.

"Ugh...yeah, I'm fine. Just a bad headache..." she choked out, her voice small and raspy with her throat hurting like hell. So small it barely making a sound; limbs so tired and weak that she could barely move her hands to grasp at the sheets.

Raphael stood silently next to her for a moment; wanting desperately to retrieve Donnie or Fugitoid but found himself realizing that he was only looking for an excuse to further avoid her and any possible uncomfortable conversation. Pushing those thoughts aside, he poured a little bit of ice cold water into a cup and approached her; sitting in the chair near her bed.

"Ya thirsty?" Raph asked, voice a lot softer and quieter than before; for that, April was grateful.

Blue eyes peaking out from tightly closed lids, she nodded.

Raph watched silently for a few moments as April tried her damnedest to move. Arms slow and weak; struggling to push herself up to a seating position. Hating how he was only making it worse for her, he pushed aside whatever connotations and excuses he had for himself and moved. While reluctant at first he placed one arm between her nape and sheets; lifting her up ever so gently. Barely registering her slight weight in his strong arms.

April's eyes widened in surprise as he did so; the gentleness in which he was handling her right now was not one she believed Raphael could ever be capable of.

"Here." he offered the cup. Placing the white plastic to her dry, chapped lips.

The redhead wasn't sure what to think as he propped her up in his arms. The turtle who'd push her to the side and wanting nothing to do with her just yesterday, or whatever day it was at this point, was now taking care of her. The same turtle who wasn't exactly well-known for his nurturing spirit was actually here. April wasn't sure how to react. She'd expected him to be more aloof and avoiding at all costs like he had previously; never knowing he'd be there when she awoke.

April supposed the terrapin may feel like he needed to rectify the situation after what happened with Mona Lisa but she wasn't sure and didn't want to jump to conclusions. Eyes finally clearing enough to see well, April made a point to read his face to gauge his reaction; his eyes screaming trepidation and discomfort...but the one that surprised her more was guilt. Cheek muscles were tense and brow ridges furrowed and rigid; appearing to be in physical pain if she wasn't mistaken...

Not being allowed to think about it much more when the cup was placed near her dry chapped lips. April gazed up at him curiously and while he was looking at her; it was as if his eyes were going through her. As if to focus on anything else but this moment. Yet, she didn't want to break whatever spell had Raphael in this trance, April opened her mouth and he slowly upturned the cup; a slow stream of wonderfully cool water quenching her parched throat. Swallowing mouthful after mouthful of the water until it was gone and her sore throat eased slightly.

Raphael's hand pulled away and he gently lowered her back onto the warm sheets. The movement causing a sharp pain to envelop her head, she gasped and whimpered at the sudden agony. Once it passed and she was able to stand her eyes being open again, she was surprised when Raphael was still there. Standing so awkwardly; teeth gnawing at his bottom lip as he stared at her in apprehension.

"H-here. This should help." he muttered lowly, turning his hand palm up where she saw two small pills dwarfed by his large hand.

April nodded and opened her mouth as he carefully deposited the small pills upon her tongue. Awkwardly gathering her into his arms once more, he placed another cupful of cold water to her lips and she swallowed them down. It seemed as if he couldn't put her down fast enough once the water was safely down her throat.

Task complete, Raphael appeared at a total loss of what to do. Green eyes straying anywhere but her; looking this way and that as his hands wrung nervously at his side.

April swore she'd never seen Raphael more apprehensive; acting how he did the first time she ever went to the lair; skiddish, nervous, and completely uncomfortable in her presence. A pain developing inside of her in knowledge that the easy friendship they once had was at the verge of collapse; questioning if there was any possible way to salvage whatever remained of it...if anything...

The redhead was unsure of how long she looked at him but once her headache became tolerable, she couldn't help but speak.

"...are you okay?" April asked, her voice broken and small and the sound of it had Raphael's heart plummeting to his stomach. Trying his damnedest not to appear uncaring of her words, something inside of him broke. This girl nearly died saving his life and he was doing everything in his power not to outright flee from the room in fear of what she would say or do.

The guilt had him sitting back in the chair; forcing his eyes to meet hers and damn, was it hard to do so. Choking back the lump that rose to his throat, he finally responded.

"I am _so_ sorry, April..." his voice so sad and defeated, as if all of the fire had been taken out of that strong voice. It was easily the most devastating sound April had ever heard...

_Raph..._

"I'm such a fuckin' idiot. I swear I never meant for _anything_ to turn out like this! I-I'd completely understand if you never want anything to do with me - especially after the things I _did_...the horrible things I _said_...I-I...I'd do **anything** to take it all back, April... I'm sorry... I'll never deserve your forgiveness, but please..." he muttered brokenly.

April flinched when she noticed those impossibly bright green eyes glistening with tears and agony lacing the entire surface. It broke her heart worse than his blatantly angry words he spoke to her and pushing her aside in what may as well have been a lifetime ago. Seeing him in such pain and obvious distress was far worse than whatever he'd done to her.

Yet, she remained stone silent; her hesitation and shock at seeing Raphael in such a state hurt her heart and soul worse than the pounding in her head to the point it felt like nothing more than a dull ache. The words he spoke barely registering but the pain encapsulated in those eyes said it all - and she still couldn't find the words to say in response.

"I was so _blind_. So certain she felt the same way about me that I did her. Yet another delusion to believe that anyone could ever love _this_..." he mumbled, gesturing loosely to himself.

April desperately wanted to rebuff the self-hatred in that pained voice yet she found her tongue complete lead in her mouth. Complete surprise at how easily Raphael laid his soul bare for her to see it. Never in any fantastical imagining did she ever fathom Raph apologizing and laying all his cards on the table.

"April, I...I-I just want to say - I'm so sorry...and listen, I'll do _anything_ to make it up to you! I swear it on my **life**! I-I don't know how but I'll find a way! Seriously, _anything_ will be yours, just ask for it!" he demanded, staring at her in hopes she'd respond but her widened eyes stared into his and her mouth remained firmly shut. Something about it caused him to snap.

"I just - I can't **take** it, April! **WHY**!? Why did you save my life after everything I've done!? It fuckin' doesn't make **sense**!" he stood up and yelled. Arms gesturing wildly and eyes widening in shock when he realized how loud he'd been when she flinched back in recoil at his booming tone.

Nervously, his eyes gravitated to the floor before he sat back down in defeat.

The room grew silent.

April was unsure of what to say or even how to think at this point. So confused by all of this madness; the circumstances and indications causing her head to hurt just so damn much that it made anything hard to comprehend at this point. Pushing down her own pain, April pushed herself to sit up and to her surprise, Raphael was right there helping; pushing multiple pillows behind her back to keep her upright. As soon as she was steady, he was sitting back down with eyes and hands resting on his lap.

April thought long and hard; weighing all the options she had at this point.

Yes, she supposed she had _every_ right to be angry at him - they all did. Raphael taking off was a _really_ stupid thing to do; he worried them all to the point of panic not to mention could have so easily lost his life. Heart clenching when she came to terms with how close they had come to losing him. That singular thought had any repressed anger dissipating at the gravity of the situation.

Nothing mattered more than the fact that he was _alive_ ; he was _here_ , and she wanted him to know that.

"I _meant_ what I said before you left." she admitted weakly and the shock that enveloped Raphael's face couldn't be more obvious.

"I _care_ about you, Raphael. Before anything else...you're my _friend..._ and you would have done the same for me. I _know_ you would have..." April watched as the words sunk in, his green-eyes widening and mouth slack in reaction to the words tumbling from between her lips.

The terrapin's face fell momentarily, teeth again gnawing worriedly at his bottom lip as he refused to meet her eyes.

"I just don't **get** it, April... I-I..."

"What's to get?" she asked almost helplessly with a slight shrug. "All that matters to me is that you're okay. Nothing else. Alright?" April interrupted with a kind smile when Raphael finally met her eyes.

There it was.

The confirmation and acceptance of their simple friendship that he was worried he'd permanently ruptured. For a moment, his chest tightened for he didn't deserve such easy forgiveness regardless of circumstances. The things he said and did should have been unforgivable but here she was, smile small and weak, but still there; genuine and bright. The ache he felt toward all these hellish circumstances further dulled but he feared they'd always remain in some form or another but he supposed they were tolerable.

"Me too..." he responded hoping to God she understood what he meant and it appeared she did for her smile widened for a moment.

The two remained quiet, a nervous tension still around but it was nothing what it had been before. There was still a lot that was bothering them and it was apparent this dirty laundry had to be aired before it became too toxic to handle.

"You were right too, you know?" April admitted lowly, breaking their eye lock as she looked at her hands folded neatly in her lap.

"..." Raph was dutiful to remain silent as he stared at her profile; not knowing what she was about to say.

"What I did to Donnie...I doubt I'll ever forgive myself even if he already did. I know what I did was hurtful and wrong and I feel _horrible_ that it took you having to point it out to me to realize it. _I hurt your brother_ \- I subsequently hurt you during all of it too." her eyes met his, "I know just sorry won't ever make up for it but I plan to try. For dragging him through it, and you too in a sense - for that, Raphael, I'm sorry..." April admitted, the guilt still eating her inside even if Donatello had ultimately forgiven her.

"I am too. Ya know, for being the world's biggest prick. I know it ain't right what you did but I blame myself for the way I handled it all." he said, a forced chuckle staining his lips.

"I think we all had some fault in this." she quietly conceded.

"Hmm. Yeah. Couldn't agree more." he replied with a sigh; expressive shrug lifting his shoulders.

"At least we're on the same now page, huh?" April asked weakly, taking a deep breath to quell the sudden nausea and vertigo she could no longer ignore.

"Yeah..." Raphael spoke before noticing the change in her demeanor and pain that encompassed her expression, "...hey, are you alright?"

"Mm-hmm." she replied while laying her head back slightly, "Just a bit tired I guess."

Raphael only nodded a response, his hands brushing imaginary debris from his lap as if only to keep his hands occupied.

"..It wasn't your fault you know?"

Raphael's questioning eyes rose to view April's profile. "What?" he asked.

"The thing with Mona Lisa. It wasn't your fault what happened..." April whispered to her lap, finding her fingers very interesting as she continued. "I don't know what occurred before I showed up but _no one_ has the right to do what she almost did. You need to realize that her actions weren't your fault..."

Raphael's eyes had fell before she gazed over back at him. Not understanding why during all of this, April still was caring about him this deeply. The ease of which she read his eyes, the grief and pain integrated into his irises. He wanted to rebuke her claims, bring up what the alien lizard told him not to mention his own stupidity about chasing a woman he hardly knew. Yet he remained silent, never expecting April to continue speaking.

"Maybe you running off wasn't the best idea and neither was me using a power I still have yet to control but...sometimes... love just makes you do really stupid things you wouldn't do otherwise..." April said sleepily, hand wiping across her tired face; not realizing the connotations of what she just said nor noticing Raphael's wide eyes lifting to try and meet hers. The shock lacing them going undetected when another presence invaded the room.

"Miss April!? Oh my goodness, we were all so worried about you! I'm relieved you're awake!" Fugitoid interrupted. The chipper android quickly closing the distance between himself and the cot.

April was a little more out of it by this point when the robot went with checking her vital signs and checking her temperature and such. The room unbearably quiet except for the random dings and beeps the Fugitoid and his machinery were making.

Raphael scooted back as the robot worked, eyes averting to the floor and taking in what April said. It was apparent what her feelings were and they indeed hadn't changed. While shocking to hear them so plainly laid out, Raphael knew returning them was not an option at this point. He'd been too hurt; too raw after everything he'd been through with Mona Lisa to even fathom starting it all over again...and he still didn't even know how he felt for the redhead; if anything.

It just simply wasn't possible to fathom at this point... Raphael's inner dialogue and ruminations were interrupted by Fugitoid's voice.

"This is amazing, Miss O'Neil. You did a complete turnaround from yesterday. I must say, it's quite miraculous." Fugitoid chatted away not realizing how much his voice so close to her ears was causing her headache to worsen.

April smiled at the robot, sleep again pulling at her system and into its alluring embrace.

"I think a few more hours sleep and you'll be right as rain!" he spoke excitedly as he readjusted the pillows behind her back so she could again lay back, "Just in time for when we arrive to get the last piece of the generator. If you're up for it, I do hope you'll join us. We'll need all the help we can get!"

Fugitoid wanting April to help after her ordeal, Raphael was ready to deter the robot from asking that of the weak girl, but she spoke for herself before he had the chance.

"Of course I will." April offered and Raphael's stomach turned. Worried for her health and well-being after such a traumatic few days was hardly a good idea at this point.

"You sure, April?" Raphael couldn't help but intervene on her behalf.

"Yes. We started this together, we need to finish it the same way. I'm not about to let you boys have all the fun of kicking some serious Triceraton tail without me." April replied with a sleepy smile in his direction and he couldn't help but return it even if it was partly forced.

"That's the spirit, Miss April!" Fugitoid trilled dramatically. "Now, it's best you get some sleep. You have a good six hours before we're in the near vicinity to our next destination." he informed, smoothing out the blankets even as the robot's mind was questioning the reason for her quick turnaround. Not dwelling on it too much more, he cleaned up the small area, placing all the items in the tray and heading toward the door.

"Oh, and Raphael, you should get some sleep too. Donatello informed me you hadn't slept in days waiting for Miss April to wake up." Fugitoid said from the doorway involuntarily causing Raphael's face to flush.

Damn robot would bring that up in front of a still conscious April. She did _not_ need to know he'd been there the whole time...

But instead of having the chance to berate the android, the Fugitoid was gone with the _whoosh_ of the door all while Raphael stared helplessly after him. The terrapin felt April's gaze on the back of his head and he knew avoiding her now was off the table. Turning back to her, all that remained on her face was a look of quiet contemplation.

"...was I really out for that long?" she asked, her voice sounding exhausted, and it was not a question he expected.

"Heh. Yeah, two days. Kinda freaked us all out but I think Don especially. He didn't leave your side for a long time..."

"Neither did you apparently."

"Heh. Well, in case you forgot, it was my fault you were there at all. I put you in that situation."

"Raph...What did I just say? It's over. Doesn't matter anymore." April shrugged, eyes half-lidded as she stared at the ceiling. "We have more important things to worry about anyway." she finished, her voice a bit slurred as sleep threatened to pull her under.

Green eyes rested upon her face for a long time; absorbing her words and how right they were. As confusing as it all was right now, there was something far greater they had to focus on. They weren't out of the woods; the Triceratons were still an astronomical threat to them and to the Earth. Their obligations to protect it far outweighed any minor issues they were having to focus on the big picture at hand.

With the acceptance of that, Raphael nodded. "Yer right."

"Of course I am." April yawned loudly with a barely concealed smirk pulling the edges of her mouth. "It sounds like we'll be busy soon, so you might as well get some sleep."

Standing to his feet and walking to his own cot; he couldn't help but look back toward her. "Yeah...You too." he replied, the smile he gave her much more genuine this time.

In the darkened room, he witnessed her returning it.

"Goodnight." she whispered before her eyes slipped shut and she burrowed herself further into the blankets.

"...night." he responded as he approached than slipped into his own cot.

* * *

Sleep didn't come immediately.

So many thoughts swirling around in his head and he wasn't sure at all how to come to grips with any of them. Mona Lisa's betrayal still lay heavy in his gut and he was certain it would never dissipate yet it was now only a dull ache from what it had been just days ago. Yet, Donnie and April forgave him; they spoke to him and for now, it all seemed to back to normal. Well, as normal as four turtles, two humans, and a genius robot fighting to save the world against a race of dinosaur overlords was.

Raphael was now adamant to keep his mind on their mission; to complete it at all costs for it was even unsure if any of them would make it out of this alive. But if and when they did, they'd have plenty of time to figure it all out; while things with April were up in the air, there was indeed one thing he was certain of accepting - the friendship she offered. That, he could do.

With that final thought, his world went black.

* * *

 


	20. Culmination

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Turtles attempt to grab the last piece of the Black-Hole Generator but the Triceratons, or Dregg, aren't going to make it easy for them...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For this chapter, there's going to be a lot of spoilers for the second to last episode "The Ever-Burning Fire" while next will cover "Earth's Last Stand". Of course, there's going to be some minor changes in order to fit this story better but it's nothing too major. So, if you haven't seen those episodes, just warning you, spoilers ahead.
> 
> Also, be prepared, this is a LONG chapter and while I was tempted to just finish it all this chapter and just post the epilogue next, this chapter just went on far longer than anticipated, so I had to break it up. Sorry, but I promise, next chapter will come much quicker since it's almost done.
> 
> In closing, we're FINALLY getting some new TMNT episodes on August 14th so this gave me the final push I needed to finishing this. I'll be posting the ending next weekend, so it's almost over. Hope you enjoy. xoxo

* * *

The dawn came too soon and the planet saturated in fire and lava awaited them.

Magdomar: Literally translating to the Planet of Ever-Burning Fire; so said Fugitoid as they approached.

The seven occupants stood around and stared at their final destination; the white interior of the ship was bathed in a rich orange glow; saturation of such color was none each had ever seen before. Magdomar in question appeared as a small sun; none looked at it longer than necessary in fears they could seriously damage their eyes.

April stood near the back of the group; still a bit tired and dealing with a slight pain in her head but compared to yesterday, it was nothing more than a dull ache. She had been adamant to remain quiet thus far; questioning if this was really a good idea, but after everything they'd been through, this may as well have been child's play. Sneaking a glance at Donnie and Fugitoid, the two were in front of the vast computer network and figuring out how to go about retrieving the final piece; which they discovered was in the midst of vast lava pits and geysers of hellishly intense fire.

Not an optimum place to touch down by any means let alone going about to retrieve it.

Leonardo, Mikey, and Casey were all near the glass, staring down to see if they could see anywhere to land if needed but April didn't think landing here would even be in the cards.

It wasn't only dangerous, it was plain suicide.

Raphael was quiet as well. The ease in which they spoke last night may as well have been for naught; he was inverted on himself and seemed to be lost in his own world. There was an aura of tense trepidation surrounding the whole ship, but the red-banded turtle seemed to be harboring most of it.

Unsure of what caused this momentarily flux, April ignored it for now. She had meant what she said last night; none of this mattered. The earth was counting on them, and dammit, they **needed** to save it.

* * *

Raphael took a deep breath; eyes glued to the planet outside and the black inky sky surrounding. There was a shift in whatever happened last night. Yes, he felt better for the time being, but then the dreams came; harboring his deepest fears and regrets and betrayal staining them.

Hatred lining golden eyes and a white flash that almost ended his life had April not intervened.

Raph despised that it happened and more so, how it appeared to be haunting him now even if everyone on the ship was by and on his side. This was a demon he had to face alone for he realized he had yet to forgive himself.

He doubted he ever would.

Pushing those thoughts to his furthest subconscious, he stared out toward the planet; the sight momentarily burning his irises with their intense light and heat. Why did their final destination have to be here? Just once, couldn't they find a planet filled with white beaches and perfect weather?

Hell, a planet filled with endless oceans and sharks would be better than this.

"Raph? You okay?" a voice next to him spoke up and his eyes gravitated toward his baby brother. Whose bright blue eyes were filled with concern that had yet to waver.

"Yeah. I'm good. Just a lil' tired, I guess." Raphael replied, sure to appease his brother's fears with a forced smile and pat to his head.

"You sure?"

Raphael should have known Mikey would easily see through his facade.

"...Yeah." Raphael spoke with a lot more certainty this time, placing a heavy arm over his little brother's shoulders and pulling him closer to himself for an impromptu side-hug of sorts. The youngest was more than eager to return it; seems physical contact would appease him faster than fake smiles anyway.

"Okay." Mikey replied into his brother's shoulder even if uncertainty laced his voice.

Raphael had no choice than to ignore it.

* * *

"We have to touch down." the Fugitoid's voice was the most demanding any of them had heard. There was a sadness lacing it they were certain he wasn't capable of.

The group went silent upon the news but it was as they expected. The last piece was way too precarious and held at such an awkward position alongside of a steep cliff that retrieving it with the ship simply wasn't possible. All the occupants were mainly hoping that perhaps Fugitoid would find a way...you know, like he'd always done.

"I've done all the calculations and scenarios and there's no way the gravity beams we have now can bring the Black Hole Generator piece into the ship. It's stuck, basically, and there is no other option than to retrieve it on foot. A duty I must give to all of you."

"Wait. _All_ of us?" Donnie asked. "Wouldn't it be more behooving to send a small team on land while the rest reside on board? Ya know, making sure no one from spacecraft can shoot at them?"

"No. You must go together; a small team would be easier taken out than a large one. You all must go; watch each others backs. After all, you all are stronger as one unit." The finality in the android's tone wasn't missed on any of them. There was no argument to be had; there was no other choice.

What also was striking was they all knew that this was no ordinary mission. There was a good chance it could, and would, go badly if there was any sort of slip-up. A legitimate life and death struggle they all had to prepare for.

The group began looking at one another and slowly began nodding in agreement. They could do it.

_They had to._

"I am almost right above a gateway point. There is sufficient walkway here, I suggest you all prepare yourselves to exit." Fugitoid informed, carefully steering the ship above where the last piece was located.

"We started this as a team. Let's finish it that way." Leonardo weighed in for the first time this morning and put his hand out.

Whatever trepidation the group had about this plan, they knew Leonardo was right. The rest of the occupants moved, forming a circle and put their respective hands in atop Leonardo's.

"Let's do it. For Earth." Leo stated.

" **For Earth!** " the rest agreed in unison, breaking up and throwing on their armor before anxiously awaiting Fugitoid's orders.

* * *

A distinct tension ran throughout the ship upon waiting for the door to lower. This was it. The last piece that would make or break this 6-month mission. Either they save earth or die doing everything in their power to protect it. There was no middle-ground; no second-guessing; this was their mission and they needed to complete it.

_No matter what._

As soon as Fugitoid lowered the door and gave the silent signal, the turtles, Casey, and April were upon Magdomar.

* * *

The group had barely touched down and it was already clear that this would be no easy task. The heat alone was almost unbearable even through their protective suits. Yet, their mission kept them distracted enough to ignore it.

Making their way, the group followed Donatello to the location. The genius turtle making quick work of the map and finding the best direction upon the shaky surface.

It was smooth sailing thus far but before they could even finish realizing perhaps that this was doable, someone they thought was disbanded a long time ago made an their un-welcomed appearance.

It was none other than Lord Dregg.

A sense of anger went through the group upon seeing the return of the hideous purple alien. Their defenses were not prepared for the outright attack, flinging his arms around and hitting the turtles this way and that in rapid secession, while not really that painful, it was dangerous considering how close each of them were to lava pits.

It was far too precarious to stay here, so the group begin moving; the disgusting bug chasing them and attacking with everything he had. Using techniques they had yet to see of the bug alien. Shooting bombs and objects at an alarming rate and the turtles couldn't keep up with deflecting them. It was a losing battle and each hit they were taking was knocking them closer and closer to the lava pits below...

It was more than April could take.

Familiar anger burned in her gut; this disgusting creature putting her friend's lives in further risk was not one she was standing for anymore...but unlike before, this time - she could do something about it. Although Fugitoid warned her to be careful, April knew the only way she could master her telekinesis was to use it.

Facing down the bug who gave her a look of confusion and annoyance at her presence, April gave him a feral smile before her fingers pressed to her forehead. A scream echoing from her mouth as she honed the abilities passed down from the Kraang to stop multiple of his bullets in midair.

When the dist cleared, the shock on Dregg's face was totally worth it.

"B-But, how?" he began speaking but it was too late to ask questions for April quickly redirected his projectiles right back at him; knocking the bug straight back into a pit of lava. The group watched him fall and they would have continued to watch that him hit the molten substance but there simply was no time.

Raphael gave her an amazed glance as she continued to look where Dregg fell, "Wow, I need to get some telekinesis." he chuckled and it perhaps was the first genuine smile she'd seen on his face in a long time.

It seemed as if Raph was slowly getting back to his old self, and she couldn't be happier.

The happiness was not to last for the moment the group began moving toward the Black Hole Generator piece, the earth underneath them began to precariously shake.

That was when the earthquake hit.

The group did the only thing they could do - _run_.

Thick boulders, rocks, and dusty shrapnel began smashing and falling around them and under them, bringing with them thick specks and splatters of searing lava that seared the turtle's exposed reptilian skin but they could do little more than ignore it as they made their way to sturdier ground.

Leo, Donnie and the humans held up the front while Mikey and Raph strayed a bit behind to make sure to keep any of the others from falling too far behind. It appeared to be a near-fatal mistake for when Raph's weight hit a precariously unstable piece of ground, it went tumbling underneath him and there wasn't even time for him to scream as he began falling to a certain death.

* * *

" **RAPH**!" Mikey screamed when the rocky outcropping crumbled from underneath his red-banded brother's feet. Chest tight as he watched Raphael's form disappear from his sight within the span of a fraction of a second.

The rest of the group turned to the sight and a shudder of panic quickly overtook the group as Raphael fell.

April's heart stopped cold in her chest. _Not again..._

The shock of what they all seen took precious moments away from attempting to help. It faded quickly but the ground kept collapsing and there was nothing they could do to stop it and no one wanted to tempt fate and fall helplessly after him.

Reluctantly, they strayed back and stared at where he'd fallen, all in complete shock and disbelief of what was happening.

* * *

It was as if time stopped.

The first thing Raphael experienced was complete weightlessness as the dirt crumbled from underneath him. Heart palpitating wildly; the sensation reminding him of the first time he was in space; not having any hold to gravity or a sense of control. For some reason, the heat around him intensified and in one moment of realization, he knew he was going to die.

As easy as it would be for the lava to swallow him up and whatever remaining weight lay on his chest would be lifted; but it dawned on him just how stupid it all was.

He was a fighter; a survivor; he always had been and always would be.

The argument with Mona Lisa wouldn't matter a month or day from now; because either he'd be dead or back on Earth, where his dad resided and everything made sense.

It was him that was allowing her to have such a hold on him. April was right; it wasn't his fault. It was just circumstances and speculations he had no control over. What Mona Lisa did was just that; her doing and damn, it didn't matter. He had his three brothers that still miraculously loved him, a best bud and a girl who was still willing to be his friend even when he damn near ripped her heart out. Not to mention a father waiting back for him on earth that he wanted to see again more than anything...

He had everything he needed; and damn, did he want to live.

With that thought, he flung out his Kusari Gama and the weapon made contact with the dried lava cliff; firmly anchoring into the black rock. He caught himself; slamming into the rocky outcropping with a pained grunt, just feet above the boiling lava. The heat becoming unbearable and adrenaline running through his system, he suddenly heard his brother, Leo's voice through the sound of his own pulse hammering in his ears.

"RAPH! ARE YOU OKAY!? **PLEASE**! ANSWER ME!" the frantic nature of his older brother's voice was not one he ever would associate with Leo. It only sanctified his belief that yeah, it all would be okay.

"I'M ALRIGHT!" Raphael shouted up and there was a viable tension that was lifted from the group even if Raph couldn't see the relief that filled their faces.

"Do you need help?" Donnie asked.

"No, I'm good. I'm coming up!" he responded and all went quiet on their end.

Raphael began moving, carefully scaling the mountain with his laser sais; growing closer to the surface when a small alcove in the mountain holding an egg caught his field of vision. Curiosity won over any panic he may have felt; anchoring his feet into a solid ledge, he lightly poked the egg and wondered exactly how it came to be down here. He hadn't so much as glimpsed any life forms that weren't their hellbent enemies trying to destroy them. Another sudden earthquake brought him out of his curious reverie into panic when the egg began rolling toward the lava.

Instinctively, he grabbed it. Yet as soon as his fingers made contact with the shell, it began to crack; within seconds, the newborn alien emerged. With burgundy bumpy skin and dark brown shell adorned with numerous black spikes, a baby turtle greeted him. It's big purple eyes gazing curiously into his own and damn, his heart melted. The little guy with the wagging tail reminding him so much of Spike that it physically hurt...but in a good way.

The baby turtle looked up at him and lightly chortled as he placed the small creature back upon the ledge it fell from.

"Hey, be careful there, little guy." Raphael chuckled bopping it lightly on it's shell, "So, um, where's your momma?" he asked as if the turtle could answer.

Unsurprisingly, the baby didn't respond, moving instead precariously toward the ledge and the lava pit and looked full and ready to anticipate jumping in.

Raphael's chest clenched as he reached and caught the young turtle before he could.

"Um, maybe it's best you stick with Uncle Raph for now..." he spoke, pulling the small turtle between his neck and carapace before completing the climb to the top.

* * *

The relieved faces that greeting him were short lived upon seeing his new finding.

"What is that?" Donnie asked.

"It's a baby turtle. I just found him all alone down there." Raph explained.

"Raph, we can't keep him." Leo sighed, the stress of almost losing his brother again dissipating with the fact Raph was now holding a pet.

"But, aww! Why not? He's so **cute**! Almost as cute as me!" Mikey said, trying in vain to take him from Raphael's hands but said turtle just bopped him on the head and held the little guy to his chest.

"Stop it, Mikey, I found him first!" Raphael admonished his little brother, the sense of protectiveness a bit shocking to him considering he'd just found him a few minutes ago...but he didn't care. This little guy needed him; he was sure of it. "He's not going to bother anybody, and besides I haven't seen anyone around. He's all alone..." Raph continued, looking back down at the small turtle, he placed his finger near the baby's mouth where the baby surprisingly bit down - hard.

"YE-OWUCH!" Raphael shrilled, pulling his throbbing finger away but he couldn't help but smile at the little guy's spunk. "Heh. I know. I'll call you...Chompy Picasso."

"Raphael, don't _name_ him. You'll get attached! Besides, we can't keep him. If you haven't noticed, we're on a mission." Leo tried to be logical, but it appeared to be going over his brother's head.

Any further thoughts were broken up when Fugitoid messaged Donatello's system.

"What is the hold-up? We're still needing the last piece, people!" the robot's garbled voice commanded over the intercom leaving little to no time for further discussion on the matter.

"Alright, fine. But once we find that thing's mother, you've giving him back." Leo commanded sternly. "We clear on that?"

"Yeah, I know, I know..." Raph grumbled as he adjusted the small creature in his arms.

April watched the exchange in silence; just happy to see Raphael alive and not to mention genuinely happy for the first time in days...it was a welcome change even if it was temporary.

All too soon, they were moving. Before they got too far, there was another earthquake and the group ran as fast as they could as a creature emerged from a lava pit below. From their vantage spot behind a large rock, the team watched in horror and shock as a gargantuan, Godzilla-sized turtle that seemed to be made from fire and the very planet it lived on, emerged from the lava and let out a bellow that had them physically wincing.

"W-What is that thing!?" Donatello muttered under his breath; terrified the creature would hear them from their hiding spot.

"I believe that is Tokka; the guardian of this planet." Fugitoid weighed in from the communicator, which was muffled by Donnie's hand. "I was wondering where it was hiding..."

"Aw, shell..." Leo mumbled in horror at the size of the now rampaging turtle. The giant ambling around the surface of the planet as if searching for something.

As soon as Tokka pushed aside a nearby boulder, the group's eyes landed upon what they were looking for. The last piece of the Black Hole Generator that was embedded deep into the side of a steep hill overlooking more lava.

"Guys, look!" Leo whispered frantically, pointing to the object.

In their distraction, Raphael had eased up a bit on the small turtle, who immediately began moving for the gargantuan behemoth. Sensing the movement, Raphael grabbed the little guy for him only to let out a loud screech and immediately, the creature turned.

"RAPH!" Leo berated; fearing their concealed location was found out.

It seemed to be all for naught though, for the second the turtles were about to high-tail it to a safer location, the Triceratons arrived.

The beings shooting at the giant Tokka, giving them optimum time to move.

"Come on, we need to get that piece!" Leo demanded to the group. "Raph, leave that thing here!" he finished, Mikey and Donatello struggling to keep up with the blue-banded brother.

Raph's eyes were on the newborn turtle knowing he couldn't take him but the second his eyes met April, he knew what to do.

"You'll be okay with April, little buddy." he spoke, delicately handing her the small turtle much to April's shock.

April met Raphael's eyes for only a fraction of a second, but it was profound and powerful. The trust in his eyes was one she swore she'd never see again. Swallowing down any doubt, she allowed Raphael to place the rambunctious newborn into her awaiting arms.

Raphael nodded without a reply then he was gone.

April was forced to look after him, the little newborn wiggling precariously but her hands remained firm. "Please...be careful." she whispered, subconsciously cradling the baby turtle closer to her chest as she spoke; well aware he was too far away to even hear her.

* * *

"Split up!? Are you NUTS!? That's how all those people die in horror movies!" Mikey flailed at his brother Leo and his latest plan.

"We need to get the last piece, Mikey. We have no choice!" The leader admonished. "The Triceratons are right on our tail and the only option is splitting up. Me and Raph will go for the piece while you and Donnie play mediators and try to keep them distracted."

"But I'm always the distraction!" Mikey moaned.

"Cause you're good at it, Mike. Now, come on, let's get this over with." Raph weighed in with a deep sigh; waiting for Leonardo to start moving before he followed.

Donatello and Michelangelo turned around to see the craziness of the Triceratons versus Tokka taking place and they knew instantly they had their work cut out for them.

* * *

"It's actually kinda cute." Casey stated, reaching over to touch the baby turtle's head only to almost get bitten on his finger.

"Oh, God, Casey, I don't think this was such a good idea..."

"Calm down, Red. It's gonna be fine. Just be glad we're not the ones up there gonna get our asses fried by that monster." Casey chuckled, peering around the rock just in time to hear the great monster bellow as she knocked down another Triceraton ship with a whip of her furious tail. "Besides, this is the most effective way to get rid of Triceratons..."

"Not funny, Casey..." April muttered, peering that way for only a second when the small creature n her hands screeched again. "Shh, shh, shh!"

"Keep that thing quiet, April! It's gonna hear us!"

"Oh, yeah, Casey! Just let me give him a bottle real quick!" she moaned, bouncing the baby a bit to try and calm him, but the little guy was persistent; screeching and trying adamantly to get away and toward the sound of the behemoth Tokka...who's roar was getting... _closer?_

The two teens behind the rock froze for a second before suddenly, the rock was gone. They turned slowly in shock when greeted with the face of Tokka.

"Dammit..." Casey muttered.

April was frozen, staring at this massive creature; the visceral heat leaking of its body was excruciating. She was certain this was it; this was the end...when the small creature in her hands began wiggling and chirping happily.

"Wait...that's your momma." April sighed in relief when the behemoth made no move to eat them or roast them; just waiting patiently as the newborn turtle struggled to get free. "Hehe... N-No charge for babysitting, okay?"

Upon placing the baby turtle upon Tokka's snout, the creature was gone and April fell back a bit into Casey's arms; nearly knocking the lanky teenager over.

"Well, we're not dead." Casey muttered.

"Yeah...I noticed..." April sighed in unbelievable relief...

* * *

The Triceratons continued attacking Tokka; giving the turtles just enough time to dislocate the last fragment of the Black Hole Generator from the side of the mountain. The Triceratons not realizing it until it was almost too late. Flinging the last piece, it was heading straight for the lava pit and the turtles were horrified; this couldn't happen but as soon as the thought crossed their minds; Fugitoid was there. Using his gravity pulsators, the piece was in his grasp and as soon as it was beginning to be pulled in, Dregg nabbed it instead.

Tokka screamed, rampaging after the bug, who shot at her and Raphael watched in horror as a familiar screech rang out; little Chompy Picasso went flying off his mother's back and toward a lava pit nearby. Not wasting a second, Raphael used his anchor, jumping after the small turtle and catching him just in time. Near an alcove, he set the small creature down.

Raphael's chest ached as the small turtle tried to climb atop him.

"You need to stay here with your momma, okay?" he said, the newborn turtle gazing up at him.

"Raphael, we need to go!" Leo screamed at him from the edge of the cliff.

"I'm coming!" he replied before his attention turned back to little Chompy. "Bye, little guy. Stay safe, okay?" Raph chuckled, bopping the small creature on it's nose before being pulled up by Leo. Just in time to see Dregg heading for the Triceraton's ship; Fugitoid listening in to their conversation and realizing they were indeed making a deal.

"Oh no..." Fugitoid muttered over Donatello's intercom. "You guys need to come back now!" the robot screamed frantically, barely leaving the turtles and two humans barely any time to blink before the group was pulled back onto the ship.

"Wait! What's going on!? What are they doing!?" Donatello screeched as he ran over to the console by Fugitoid.

All he seen was the Triceratons and Dregg quickly vacating the planet. The Fugitoid turning on their engines and going after them; the thing they didn't expect was Tokka to follow.

"She can fly!?" Mikey exclaimed, pointing toward the back of the ship where the group all turned in shock to see the gargantuan turtle flying toward them at an incredible speed.

"Oh, dear, she's going to run straight into us!" Fugitoid spoke all too late for the giant turtle knocked their ship to the side like swatting away an annoying fly.

The group were thrown across the ship as it tumbled but remained intact. The Fugitoid watching in shock as the giant turtle headed toward the Triceraton's main ship. Inwardly rooting for the huge creature just trying to protect its planet, any glee at seeing it faded instantly when the Triceratons shot a missile... Not at Tokka, but...

"Oh no..." Fugitoid muttered; the most defeated voice that had ever stained the robot's normally chipper voice.

"What's wrong?" Donatello asked.

"They just launched a missile... B-but it's not at the planet its...the dying star..." Fugitoid spoke in absolute horror as he watched it all take place.

"Wait, they can't do that, they'll blow up everything..." Donnie spoke, the frantic tone lacing each syllable.

"It's too late...They already have..." Fugitoid spoke just seconds before the missile made contact.

The light that filtered into the ship was unlike anything the group had ever witnessed. A white light that etched itself into their very subconscious. It started with a light cracking noise like the start of a break on glass before it shattered. All the group were aware of was Fugitoid's frantic ramblings as he knocked the ship into high-drive. The scream of Tokka a momentous roar that pulled at each of their guts at how horribly raw and painful it was to hear.

"NO!" Raphael screamed; knowing little Chompy was on that planet...and he left him there...

A sudden thrust of the engine and all went white...

* * *

 


	21. Sacrifice

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The group races to save Earth but is already too late?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, y'all, I thought the last one was crazy long, this is just ridiculous lol. But at least it's done.
> 
> This is the end guys. All that remains is the short Epilogue I will submit tomorrow - I think an even number of chapters is better anyway. Hope you're enjoying the ride for we're coming to an end here.
> 
> Thanks for stickin' it out with me. :-)

* * *

Reality hit them hard once the ship screeched to a halt.

All of the members jolting forward with the movement as all of them came to grips that they all indeed, were still alive. A viable tension faded slightly as each of them caught their breath; surprised they were still seating of their space pods like before when they should have been splatters adorning the walls. Or, the more likely scenario of them all blowing up with the explosion of that dying star...

"Woo, literally dodged a bullet there! Ha-ha! I **knew** those improved thrusters would come in handy!" The Fugitoid exclaimed much to excited and happy for the state of the remaining group who were still coming to terms with the fact they were all still drawing breath.

That was close...

_Way too close..._

Raphael was silent, chest heaving as he stared at the console in front of him; stomach in knots and heart lodged somewhere in his throat. Swallowing it back, it started hitting him. Raphael didn't know why he was so upset; he'd only known the small creature for a few moments, but it was simply accepting the fact he left Chompy to die when he had a chance to save him really bothered him...

"I'm sorry, Raph. I-I know you trusted me with him, but I had to give him back to her, she was-" April approached, speaking only when she noticed the downtrodden turtle.

"I know. It's okay. That was his mom, you did the right thing." Raph softly admitted with a sigh, "It's just - she was just protecting her baby...it's just not fair for them to go out that way...It was our damn fault for luring those stupid Triceratons to that planet in the first place..."

April reached out to place a comforting hand on his shoulder but second-guessed herself. Reluctantly pulling it back as Raphael's eyes gravitated back to his lap.

Raph and April completely unaware that all eyes were on the two, the group in shock for it was the first time these two had been cordial in weeks. It was a rather miraculous sight none of them expected.

"Those Triceratons are rather ruthless. They put the piece there on purpose; it's like -" Fugitoid began.

"Hey! Look who hitched a ride in your shell!" Mikey spoke suddenly, leaning over to Raph when a certain head popped from the back of the Raphael's carapace..

Raphael physically jumped, his head almost doing a 180 as he glanced over his shoulder and met familiar purple eyes.

"Chompy!" he exclaimed happily, scooping the small creature into his hands and pressing his face into the chortling turtle's.

April smiled warmly, her heart hammering as the smile lit up his face... It only grew when Raphael suddenly pulled away from the turtle to look at her, the same smile bestowed upon her and she couldn't help but return it.

"I hate to break this up, but we are still in a life and death struggle here." Fugitoid interrupted the heart-warming moment; the tension returning with a vengeance. "The Triceratons have all the pieces of the Black Hole Generator and..."

A sudden ring-tone uninterrupted the robot yet again; signal blaring from Fugitoid's console had them all looking at the overhanging screen.

"Who is it?" Donnie asked.

The screen lit up and the face of Mozar flashed upon it. The group sickened by the appearance of their greatest enemy they've ever faced; who threatened everything they cared for and everyone they loved...

"Look what we have here - the completed Heart of Darkness..." Mozar presented, gesturing behind him where the full circle of all the Black Hole Generator pieces. A sight that had all of them feeling physically ill. "It was all thanks to your contribution we found them all so fast, so I must thank you for that, Fugitoid..."

"You'll never get away with this!" the robot screamed back.

"Oh, please!" Mozar laughed heartily and loud before continuing, "...and you know what; since you all were such good sports, I think I have the perfect place to try it out on - a little planet most of you know quite well - Earth..."

The screen turned black.

* * *

The turtles and humans were in complete disbelief, staring at the screen that had long since turned off. Dread and trepidation each of them weren't expecting churning rapidly inside their gut.

One by one, they turned to Fugitoid; the android who always had a plan to get them out of so many impossibly tight spots. Yet, this time, he looked so lost; his orange lit eyes fading a bit as he stared blankly at some fixated point in the distance.

"What are we going to do, Fugitoid?" Donatello asked, gaining his bearings and standing to his feet to approach the silent robot.

A rather strange sight indeed...

"Is it too late to save Earth now?" Donnie reiterated when the robot still didn't answer, the dreaded question they were all pondering finally voiced.

"I...I don't know. Heh." he chuckled mirthlessly, "I truly don't, Donatello. It was never supposed to happen this way; we were so **close**...it was in our grasp...we..." Fugitoid mumbled, rubbing frantically at his robotic face with antsy hands.

"We can't just give up. There **has** to be something we could do." Leo spoke up; moving to stand near the group that began slowly growing around Fugitoid.

"Leo's right! There has to be some way. We can figure it out together." April weighed in, placing a steady hand upon the robot's trembling shoulder.

"Yeah, Fuge." Casey said with a shrug. "If anyone can figure this out, it's definitely you." Casey missed the salty look given to him from Donatello.

"You've gotten us outta tight spots before, what makes this any different?" Raph asked with a shrug and little Chompy agreed with a loud chortle.

"I agree with Chompy! You can do it, Fugitoid! We believe in you!" Mikey laughed; his bright hopeful smile that could bring anyone out from a funk lit up the youngest turtle's face.

Fugitoid was nearly silent as his eyes lifted to those surrounding him; his bizarre family of sorts for the past six months. Each of them he came to know and care about in his own way. He hadn't felt much at all since he became nothing but a brain in a robot body, but this group had proved him wrong, for he wanted to help them. Save their planet and give them all an ending they deserved. They'd become his family and he desperately wanted to see them make it out of this alive - just like he promised he would almost half a year ago... It would also finally mean he could make amends for something he still held back telling them about...

The barest hint of light filled his eyes. A determination he hadn't felt in quite some time.

They were right. He could do this - he had to. For all of their sakes as well as the Earth that had no idea it was soon to be invaded.

"Let's do it." Fugitoid voiced and the finality lacing it had the desired effect.

"YEAH! Let's do it, team! Group hug!" Mikey exclaimed, pulling his arm around Raph and Donnie standing near him and trying to involve the whole group. At first, they didn't care for the idea, but they allowed it to happen anyway.

* * *

"I'm making a course for the Milky Way Galaxy. My hope is that we make it there before the Triceratons; which, while improbable, is in fact possible. We may use up all the generators and excess fuel to do so, but by my calculations, we should be there in just a little over two days. I'm just hoping our excess reserves of fuel last that long. The last thrust away from Magdomar really cost a lot of fuel..." Fugitoid more of less mumbled to himself over the console; his fingers working quickly over the panel as Donatello worked with him nearby.

"Is there any time to fuel up if necessary?" Donnie asked.

"No. None. If we stop for any reason at all; they will surely beat us there." Fugitoid replied; making their situation seem dimmer by the second, but there was still hope among the group. It was all they had to hold on to at this point.

So, they did the only thing they could do - wait.

* * *

There was a profound silence during dinner; the turtles, April and Casey uncharacteristically quiet as they ate (or rather tried to eat) some strange dried space noodles Fugitoid had dug up from the way back of the pantry. Food had been a bit scarce lately but the robot was always certain to provide even if the final results never tasted very good. They let it slide though for the Fugitoid didn't eat and hadn't for who knows how long. He didn't really know any better and space food left a lot to be desired anyway.

Nothing compared to pizza...another thing they missed terribly about Earth.

It was a silent affair only punctuated with the sound of clinking forks against bowls or Chompy chewing loudly on some space veggie Raph had dug up from the back of the fridge. The only thing that wasn't covered with mold.

Without any excess power, they weren't all crowded in front of the television or computers to do what they wanted. Forced to live in relative darkness as all their power and fuel went to getting them to earth as quickly as possible.

None of them suffering as much as Michelangelo, but said turtle was handling it rather well considering the circumstances.

It was during these two days the group were just together; more of a family than they'd been in a long time. Not realizing how technology and other things got in the way of just being together.

Talking, laughing, telling stories and just reflecting on their time in space.

There was something rather profound in the knowledge that their journey, and lives may be over in just days. While there was a lingering sadness and anticipation at that fact, there was also fierce determination; the happiness just to be able to experience Earth again. It brought them closer; brought them together as one unit made up of really unlikely heroes.

Something unspoken went around the group; the knowledge that while there was still vast trepidation over what tomorrow held, they were gonna get through it regardless. Brothers, friends, family. It was what they were and none of them would change it for the world. Sure, they didn't get along all of the time, but they all loved each other at the end of the day. Even if they had to face the apocalypse or their certain death, they were going to do with their heads held high because now, there was no regrets.

No fear regardless of what fate held for them.

* * *

The Fugitoid hummed lightly to himself, eyes kept glancing toward his multiple computer screens and back out toward the occupants of the ship. There was a sense of dread and trepidation but the small footsteps and cries of an alien newborn turtle was helping uplift their spirits even if it was only momentarily. Pretty soon, they'd be back on Earth facing the Triceratons to determine the fate of their home.

Fugitoid heard a small beep indicating a new message and he looked at the screen. A video message from none other than Y'Gythgba flashed onto it and in a panic, muted it and hooked up a chip into his ear so only he could hear it. He watched in stunned silence as the war-torn alien faced the camera. Her skin bruised and battered and her ship behind her not faring much better; it was apparent the woman had been through a fierce war.

Any compassion he may have felt was dissipated by the state of Raphael and April when they returned from meeting her. Coldly, he watched the alien remain quiet for quite some time before speaking.

"...this message is for Raphael... I know I'm most likely the least likely person you would have expected to hear from, but I wanted to apologize. I was completely irrational for attacking you without cause." she sighed, obviously holding back tears and struggling with her heavy accent as she continued, "but losing G'thraka - my partner... *sigh* he was more than that... Losing him devastated me and I took it out on you when it was wrong to. For that, I'm sorry. I am not asking for forgiveness for I believe we're far past that. I'm not asking for _anything_ \- just to apologize, Raphael... And thank you to that human female for putting me in my place and preventing me from making a grave mistake..."

"I made a lot of bad decisions in my life; things I regret, but if I went through with it...that would have been the greatest of all. For Raphael, I can't recall the last time someone made me feel the way you did. For that, I'm grateful and I'm so sorry it ended up where it did. I take full responsibility of my actions in hope perhaps if we ever meet again, it won't be for naught. Anyway, I doubt it's gonna happen for I'm not sure where to go. Regardless, I do apologize for any and all pain I may have caused you. ...that's all... Goodbye." with those final words, the screen bleeped out of existence and Fugitoid was left staring at it for Lord knows how long...

Eyes gravitating toward the scene, he watched silently as April approached the group, the small little Chompy walking over to her and wagging his spiked tail. Raphael looked at her as she sat, the barest hint of a smile lifting the edges of his lips. The two spoke words he couldn't make out; but they were pleasant and he couldn't remember the last time he saw the two speaking like friends for a change. A happiness in Raphael he was certain was diminished with their confrontation with Y'Gythgba. Her betrayal and injuries she gave to Miss April almost ended their journey for good. Her words were kind and apologetic but he feared if he brought it up now, it would do far more harm than good. All he had to do was recall how close they came to losing these two members for something so menial made up his mind for him.

He reached over to the console and pressed 'delete'.

* * *

Mikey, Leo, Casey, Raph, and April sat in a circle on the floor playing some card game as Donnie and Fugitoid were still working on harnessing any excess energy into getting them to Earth; anything to make the ship faster. They were quickly approaching the Milky Way galaxy and by Fugitoid's predictions would land by morning if all went well.

What should have been a somber atmosphere was alight with laughter.

Leo winning the game was quickly disbanded upon Chompy stealing away his winning card and the leader screaming in frustration as he tried to grab it back from the rambunctious newborn. Chompy was now hiding under the couch and nipping at Leo's prodding fingers when they got too close. A hilarious sight if there ever was one.

Mikey took this opportunity to go through Leo's other cards and switch out any winners as Casey dug through the draw pile desperately looking for an ace.

"Stop yer cheatin' numbskulls!" Raph growled at the two boys as April laughed out loud when Leo suddenly let out a high-pitch screech, pulling his hand from under the couch only to see little CP attached to the end of it, his jaw locked onto the leader's finger. The scene brought all the attention to the blue-banded turtle who continued to fruitlessly pry the newborn turtle off his digit. More laughter rang out from Mikey and Casey as Raphael became involved believing Leo could hurt him if he pried too hard.

It was moments like this the group treasured most. Times to look back on and dwell for they slipped through your fingers like sand in a timer that always ran out too soon. Upon their night falling and Earth's closeness at the forefront, the group couldn't delay the panic much longer. As ready as they were to right and willing to die for Earth, life and death situations always put everything in perspective.

* * *

The group opted to spend their last night in space and perhaps alive, in the main room; either lost in their own thoughts or desperately pushing it to the back of their minds.

April wouldn't lie - she was scared. Whatever happened tomorrow, she knew either way she was going to see her dad again; either in this life or the next. That thought took its toll on her for she could barely recall the particular sound of his voice and what his cologne smelt like. The one constant in her life she always could count on. Who'd been through hell since she met the turtles but she knew, given the chance, she wouldn't change anything. Even with her dad turned into a bat than later into Kraang goo, the city being invaded multiple times, Northampton, falling in love with Raphael, the confrontation with Y'Gythgba...she wouldn't change any of it.

Thoughts soon gravitated toward said turtle and so did her eyes. The redhead was silent as she took in the scene; Leo and Casey were about in their own pods; silently staring at the wall or ceiling and lost in their own thoughts. Donnie was by the Fugitoid as they continually watched over the ship. Raphael sitting by Mikey; the youngest brother asleep and leaning on his shoulder while Chompy slumbered on his lap. A sight that warmed her heart and involuntarily made it skip a beat. The only wish she made right now was for more time; something so irrevocably precious and valuable that you don't even realize it til you know it could soon run out. Yes, there were a few things she wished she'd done differently, but if she did, perhaps she wouldn't be right here in this moment. Hanging on the cusp of tomorrow; the promise of either life or death. It was certain that only one was guaranteed and she was desperate for the latter.

There was a lot she wanted to say now; to all the people here but the words simply wouldn't come. A part of her berating not wanting to make a big production and say things to make a fool of herself if they lived tomorrow; another not wanting to regret not saying anything should they die. Long story short, she was stuck between a rock and a hard place.

"You okay?" Raph asked a bit nervously noticing her continuing stare.

"Huh?" April asked, thoughts shattered and cheeks flushing as she questioned just how freakin' long she'd been unabashedly staring at him.

"Well, I just noticed you're not sleeping yet."

"Neither are you." she replied.

"Heh. I know. I just can't. My minds goin' a thousand miles a minute."

"Yeah. Mine too." April admitted, her eyes falling to her lap where her hands nervously pulled at her yellow jumpsuit.

"We'll be okay, you know?" Raph tried to reassure but April thought it sounded more like he was saying it to himself.

"Yeah, I know..." she replied yet it wasn't at all what she planned to say. April was desperate to speak, to air everything she still had to but the words simply wouldn't come and it wouldn't be fair to dump a bunch of her panicked words upon him. Everyone here was dealing with the same fears, regrets, and questions she had; there was no doubt. Yet...there was so much to be said and she feared it might just die with her.

"Miss April?" a voice to her side broke her from whatever she may or may not have said.

"Yeah?" she asked, looking up to see the Fugitoid standing over her.

"I think you should keep this." Fugitoid spoke upon approaching the redhead.

April peered up at him from her seat upon the floor and once she got a good look at his proffered hands, the object in them surprised her. She'd almost forgotten.

The small crystal was attached to a new string, a thick black cord long enough to hang comfortably from her neck.

"I found this was the reason you got so ill after your confrontation with Y'Gythgba." Fugitoid explained, "I did more research and while this does make Telekinesis more intense, it does drain it's owner of a lot of power; especially when you hold on to it after you pass out. If it wasn't removed in time, it may have well killed you." he finished with a light chuckle not noticing the shock that overcame Raphael's face as he eve's dropped.

"...and you think I should keep it?" she asked in slight confusion at the Fugitoid's rather morbid sense of humor.

"It may come in handy one day." he responded and April wasn't sure what to think. Instead, she didn't, she stood up and gratefully retrieved it from the robot's hands.

"...um, thanks."

As soon as she grabbed it, he was fast to place his hand upon her own. Blue eyes met the orange lights of his own in slight confusion.

"Is something wrong?" April asked.

"No, just wanted to tell you that I'm very proud of you, Miss April. The gift you have and the ability you've honed in only these short six months is nothing short of astounding. In all the years I've been here in space, I had yet to meet someone with so much... _potential_. How you tapped into this power you knew so little about is rather impressive, my dear. I'm very proud to have been the one to help you through those first trying weeks."

"Wow...Well, thank you, Fugitoid; and, heh, thank you for dealing with me those first few times." she laughed, recalling those moments where things went so terribly wrong yet he never gave up on her.

"Hmm. You're very welcome, Miss April." he replied, the easy smile from what should be an emotionless android had her returning it. There was so much about him that reminded her of her late grandpa; a genius and kindness a basically emotionless android shouldn't be able to possess. As crazy as this ride had been for all of them, he certainly made it better.

Before April could respond, he'd walked away.

* * *

All too soon, morning came and they were closing in on Earth. Still in the range of Neptune, the group gathered around the main console and waited to arrive back to their home planet. While nervousness flooded them, there was a calm none of them expected.

It was about to be shattered though; not by the Triceratons, Dregg, or even the Black Hole Generator - but Fugitoid.

The robot had been unexceptionally quiet that morning; his normal upbeat attitude seemed to dissipate as they slept. It didn't last though for he spoke words they never wanted to hear.

"I...I have a confession." Fugitoid mumbled, catching the attention of everyone upon the ship who stared at him in utter confusion.

"What are you talking about?" Donnie asked from the module, lifting his head from his work at the robot's sudden words.

"I should have informed you of this sooner, but better late than never, I suppose... I... R-Remember when I told you how the Kraang invented the Heart of Darkness?"

The group didn't speak, just a few looked at each other before turning their attention back to he android and nodding in agreement.

"That was a lie."

"What!?" Leo yelped.

"What do you mean, Fugitoid?" Donnie asked, the panic lacing his voice causing it to break.

"Then who did?" Casey butted in.

"...It was me. I created it."

The profound silence that followed was visceral; tension increasing as the confession no one of them could ever fathom.

"A long time ago when I was still human and working for Kraang Subprime. He paid me a vast sum to convert the Heart of Darkness from an energy generator to a doomsday weapon. I was young and naive and back then, all I cared about was my research; my life's work. I was so blind to the ultimate circumstance of my actions that I allowed it; I-I turned a deaf ear to what Kraang wanted it ultimately for... It's only now that realize that I have made a monumental mistake and I deeply regret it - almost as much as I regret keeping the truth from you. But I'm not that person anymore, I want to make amends and that's why I'm here! That's why I'm helping you!"

The one who'd been helping them all along was the source of all of the chaos in the first place...

_It became too much for some._

" **You're the one who** _ **caused**_ **all this!** " Leo bellowed, his anger out of control as he heard it. "If it wasn't for **you** , Earth _never_ would have been destroyed! Our dad wouldn't have **died** in our arms!"

"Leonardo, please, I -"

"How could ya, Fugitoid!? We lost **everything**!" Casey screamed angrily.

"Why did you never tell us?" Raphael asked.

"I - I-I please, I - " Fugitoid stuttered.

"Yeah. **Why**?" Mikey reiterated.

"How **DARE** you!" Leo screamed, not believing that this whole fiasco was his fault to begin with. The Triceratons, Earth, Splinter...everything...they could lose it all because of greed and research of all things!?

April was in shock, eyes filling with tears as she watched all of this unfold. The only one to remain silent during this all; she wasn't sure what to think. This man who reminded her so much of her grandfather and dad was lying the whole time; responsible for the Heart of Darkness when they blamed it on the Kraang. He allowed them to believe that and now at the cusp of what could spell the end for all of them - he hits them with _this_?!

Everything all fell apart at once; Leo's angry words starting a domino effect of most the group not trusting the Fugitoid anymore; not listening to his advice as they neared Earth. The Triceratons and their ships, the Ulixes, were growing closer and by the time Mars was in sight, all hell broke loose.

For Leonardo, it was certain what he had to do when he saw the Triceratons begin setting up on Mars. The red planet filling quickly with the shapes of the Triceraton ships while they remained helpless. But not for long.

"I'm going!" Leo announced and the group, still in shock from everything happening didn't really listen. Didn't move as Leo dressed into his space garb and began heading for the ship's roof hatch. It wasn't until Leo was near it when they began noticing his plan.

"Leo, what the fuck are you doing?!" Raphael growled, placing Chompy down to try and follow after his brother but it was too late and Leo didn't listen.

Instead, he was gone with a slam of the door, locking it behind him from the outside made it impossible to open.

"Leonardo! No!" Fugitoid screamed, bringing everyone else out of their reverie to realize exactly what had just taken place; Leonardo launching a one man attack on the Triceraton's scout ship. It was a suicidal mission that no one noticed until it was too late to stop him.

Raphael was in utter panic as he watched his brother throw himself from their ship to launch his one man attack and it apparently was contagious. Donnie and Mikey doing everything to try and talk Leo into coming back but the blue-banded leader wouldn't listen to anybody even shutting off his end of the communication on his suit. April was forced to hold onto Chompy as the rest of the turtles began getting ready for a reconnaissance mission to go after their brother.

This wasn't supposed to happen - they were supposed to be one unit, that's when they were strongest, but now it was going to hell...

April looked over at Fugitoid and saw the utter despair in his what should have been emotionless eyes. Any anger she held at him dissipated upon knowing they needed him. He'd been there with them through thick and thin, he could have easily left them to die and their planet exploded but it was _because_ of him they were still here and Earth still had a chance.

"Fugitoid, what are we going to do?" April asked and for once, the robots eyes lit up and looked at her in sheer astonishment.

"Miss April?"

" _We_ _ **need**_ _you_ \- regardless of whatever happened, that was in the past. This is now and we need you, even if they don't think so - _we do._ "

"But I messed up, I..."

"We all make mistakes. Believe me...we all do. It's what makes us human..." she whispered, placing a hand upon his cool metal shoulder.

Fugitoid's gaze was steady and unsure but over the next couple moments, it was as if a fire was lit and he began moving.

Mikey Donnie and Raph watched in horror was Leo attacked the Triceratons and their raptors and Ulixes from the camera Fugitoid set up to see what was happening but it was for naught. They watched breathlessly for God knows how long at the struggle. Desperately wanting to help but there simply was no time to do so. Helplessly, they watched as Leo gought, struggled, then would somehow get ahead only to get pushed back again. It was a dangerous tango the leaser was playing but as soon as it seemed he perhaps was going to do it, there was an ambush. The Scout Ship was triggered and Fugitoid's frantic voice suddenly rang out in an utter panic.

" **It's self destructing**!" he screeched at the console as he tapped into their systems.

"NO!" Raph, Mikey, Casey, and Donnie screamed, plastered to the window only to hear an explosion, a bright light that caused them all to physically flinch and fall back.

"LEO!" Raphael bellowed as he fell to his knees; body convulsing as he believed he just watched his big brother get blown up.

Mikey and Donnie were speechless, both in such shock at what had just taken place.

"No..." April whimpered, a hand to her agape mouth and tears building; Chompy wiggling frantically in her arms.

_Leo couldn't be..._

That was when Fugitoid saw a familiar figure in the debris.

"Leo's out there He escaped in time!" Fugitoid joyfully informed. But all went silent when he noticed the other smaller Triceraton's ship heading to Mars to try and set off another explosion.

"Hold on!" he ordered before using the excess saved fuel to charge forward and head straight toward the seemingly lifeless Leonardo.

Raphael's soul was in tatters as they finally able to bring Leo back into the ship... His suit damaged and a huge crack in his helmet. Seeing him like this was all too familiar and bringing such horrible memories back from Northampton. Those flashes of waiting; of wondering if he'd ever wake up. So much time spent by his side. As much as they argued, he loved him so much it hurt...he just had to be okay...

"Leo?" Raph asked as Donnie quickly went to work to help Leo as Fugitoid made his way toward Earth.

They all were running out of time.

"His hearts not beating..." Donnie muttered bleakly after checking his vitals of his unresponsive brother. The shutter that went through all of them was enough to set off an utter panic.

"Wake up, Leo!" Mikey cried being held back by Casey as he tried to get closer to his blue-banded brother.

"Don't fuckin' die on me! You better not, dammit!" Raph shouted but stayed back, his hands shaking as he stared at his lifeless older brother. April watched this all, little Chompy in obvious distress at seeing in Raphael in such a state but there was nothing she could do than witness it all take place.

Donnie looked like a chicken with his head cut off, pulling out his bo staff and using it's excess energy to see if he could make a defibrillator of some sort. "Work with me, Leo. You better work with me." Donnie spoke, his hands trembling as he removed most of Leo's suit before pulling apart his bo staff until only electrical outputs remained.

Fugitoid kept glancing over at the group wanting to help but with that boost of fuel they used, there was no way to waste more. It simply wasn't possible he could leave his controls.

Sticking the two prongs right underneath Leo's plastron, Donnie shocked the leader, his body jumping at the electrical current and Mikey whimpered at the sight as Casey tried and to cover his eyes. Donnie checked hit vitals after the shock but still didn't get any response.

"Don't do this, Leo. Come on..." Donnie begged, sticking them in again and sending yet another jolt. Desperately pushing his finger under Leo's neck, he got a quick pulse but any hopes from that were dashed for it faded quickly. "No..." he growled, pushing the prongs deep and pushing them in firmer before he gave an especially brutal jolt and this time, it worked.

Leo gasped against the shock and Donnie allowed happy tears to begin leaking from his eyes as Leonardo's heartbeat returned and regained it's normal rhythm.

Raphael collapsed onto his knees and made his way over to Leonardo just as Mikey approached. All of his brothers watching in anticipation as the leader's blue eyes peeked out from his lids. They didn't bother holding back their emotion as they helped him to seating position before Raphael moved to hug him, pushing his face into his older brother's throat and allowing a soft sob to escape. Donnie and Mikey soon joined in; their arms wrapping over both Raph and Leo in sheer thankfulness that he was alive.

" **Never** do that again...ya hear me?" Raph mumbled into Leonardo's neck and the leader couldn't help but tighten his hold over all of them.

"Um...guys?" Fugitoid asked and the traumatic experience seemed to have mellowed each of their anger at the Fugitoid considering he'd wasted a lot of fuel to save their brother. It was still a bit difficult to trust him but they had little choice at this point in time anyway. "We're here."

The group peered out the window and there it was -Earth.

The joy at seeing their beloved planet was short lived for someone was already there - Mozar and the rest of the Triceratons.

* * *

Heading toward their home of New York, the turtles, Casey and April feared they were already too late for the Heart of Darkness had already been set up on Washington Square. While the sight itself was surprising it was what they saw on the feed that stopped them all in their tracks...it was them.

Technically, their past selves from six months earlier, as well as the Mutanimals, Mondo Gecko, Muckman, and...Master Splinter. They all turned toward Fugitoid to ask for an explanation but they were too afraid of the answer. Space time continuum as difficult to hear from Renet, let alone the Fugitoid who used words that were capable of even giving Donatello a headache at times.

"This is where you get off." Fugitoid said still refusing to meet any of their gazes as he continually stared at his console.

"What?" Donnie asked incredulously.

"You must go help your past selves and your friends and I will do my best to retrieve the Heart of Darkness and dismantle it."

"You sure you don't need help?" April asked, hating the tone of his voice and the finality lacing it as desperate as he probably was to hide it.

"No. I need to do it myself. The only way to destroy it is with my combination of Fusion Energy and Dark Matter, something this ship possesses." he spoke and the apology lacing it had everyone stopping in their tracks yet they knew he was right.

As the group got ready to dispatch, April was frozen for a minute as he began beaming them all down to Earth. His orange eyes met her for a moment but there were no words spoken. Within moments, he'd beamed them down; none of them hearing his final words.

"Goodbye, friends."

Fugitoid was gone with a flash of light as the turtles were placed back upon Earth. Their thoughts still not comfortable with the Fugitoid's plan were forgotten when they met up with their past selves. To say the stares between both themselves and their clones were confused would be a sore understatement.

"Uh, dudes, is that us?" Past and Present Mikey asked at the same time.

"As if this couldn't get any weirder..." the two Donatello's muttered under their breath.

"Wait, isn't this..." Future Leo stated, recalling this moment six-months prior. The moment he'd never forget - Splinter.

"DAD!" Present Leo shouted and the Master, whole shocked with seeing double of his sons was able to stop the attack from Shredder; throwing Oroku Saki and rendering him unconscious.

"The detonator!" Donnie screamed suddenly, and they moved toward the weapon just in time. Leo jammed his katana into the device when it wouldn't accept a button-command and the damage was great enough to short-circuit the Heart of Darkness.

A flash of light filled the area just seconds later, a roar coming from Mozar as he landed. His anger seething off the gigantic Triceraton as he charged toward them. Hoping to restart the weapon and continue with his plan, but this time, they weren't going to let it happen.

Aided by their past selves, the group moved like one; taking on the Triceratons like a small army and the dinosaurs had no choice but to retreat. Instead of ending them like they should have, the Triceratons were able to head back to their ships and take off to the skies. All too certain they'd defeated them, the turtles allowed them to leave.

The group all too ready to celebrate when Donnie spoke up, "Wait...aren't the Triceraton's spacecraft running on Dark Matter?...and the few times I helped with Fugitoid's generator...it was a Fusion Generator...that means... _**No...**_ " Present Donnie mumbled, the horror of what Fugitoid's ultimate plan came to light...

"What do you mean Donnie?" Present Leo asked.

"It's suicide. He's gonna it them with his ship and they'll all detonate. It's a Kamikazi mission..." Donnie explained and the group were horrified.

Using their communicators still hooked up to their suits, they blasted the ship with messages.

"Don't do it!" Leo screamed

"You can't!" Mikey shouted.

"There has to be another way!" Donnie was frantic.

"Please stop!" Casey pleaded.

"What are you doing!?" Raph asked.

"Please, Fugitoid! **Don't!** " April sobbed.

Fugitoid was silent as he listened to all the calls, the voice frantic and pained as they came through the speakers of the ship. A somber expression on his face as he saw the Mozar's Flagship up ahead. His mind made up; his conscious finally clear of the horrible misdeed he'd committed so long ago...

"I'm sorry..." Fugitoid spoke over their devices. "I'm sorry for all the harm I have caused to you and your planet."

"Fugitoid, please! There **has** to be some other way!" April called back, the sobs in her voice apparent and he couldn't help but feel something as he heard it.

No one had cared for him in so long and here they were, forgiving him and wanting him to do this in a way he wouldn't be hurt - yet, there was none.

"There isn't." he informed them, the group tense as they listened desperately to his voice. "...but it's okay. I promise. You will all be okay...and thank you. Thank you all for everything. I couldn't have done it without you. Goodbye, my friends. So long."

With that, the engines were put to max and the communication left off with a painful screech as the group could do little more than stare at the sky where the Triceraton's last ship remained. The Fugitoid heading toward it and the broken Heart of Darkness was beamed up. The crash was silent, the radiance of light and fire coming off as a cataclysmic explosion engulfs the Triceraton flagship, creating a bright flash that can be seen on Earth before it fades away

" **NOOOOO!** " April screamed, tears gathering on her bottom lids, but it was too late.

Fugitoid was gone in a flash of light.

* * *

The pain of it lasted for a moment when a familiar ship came out of virtually nowhere. The door opening as the saddened group looked toward the door and there he was... The Fugitoid from 6-months prior.

"Who wants to go on a space adventure!?" The chipper robot asked and their past selves were more than excited; gathering around Splinter to hug him before they took off in the ship.

"Wait! Aren't you going to ask me first?" Splinter asked desperately after they were already getting on board with loud excited whoops. The present group were a little more than confounded by everything; even Donatello was getting a massive headache. The ship was gone in a flash of light and they could do little more than watch it go.

"What just happened?" Splinter asked pretty much what was on everybody's mind.

"Master Splinter, we..." Leo began explaining but Splinter put his hand up, an exhausted sigh leaving his throat and halted whatever Leonardo was about to say.

"I changed my mind...Not now..." he stated, "Let's just go home..."

With those words, Splinter began walking back toward the Lair and the group looked at each other. A little confused and worse for wear, but they couldn't argue with him. The Mutanimals and other allies didn't bother staying with them, just gave their goodbyes and were gone into the night as the rest of the group continued to the lair.

As April stood at the manhole cover awaiting to go down, she took a moment to look at the sky. A pain filling her chest for knowing a previous Fugitoid was alive didn't mean theirs was...and just what it all meant...

"Hey, you comin'?" Casey asked when he noticed her hesitation.

"Yeah." she responded before she followed after them into the lair. Before she closed the lid, she stared at the sky one more time, whispering, " _Thank you, Fugitoid..._ " before she closed it behind her.

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Holy CRAP, y'all. That was utterly painful. My hand may just fall off. Don't get me started on how I feel about the last episode. It was so confusing and a part of me wondered if the writers were on something while writing it because it makes NO damn sense! GAH! They better make it somehow tie in later in the series because having two sets of turtles only 6 months apart running around just gets WAY too complicated in the basis of events and how it effects canon and whatnot.
> 
> Don't get me started on having to write it...this chapter was a nightmare and a half.
> 
> Yet, it's over and yes, I wanted to change it but decided to keep it keep to keep it truer to the story. I doubt I'll write canon events again because they're so freakin' complicated!
> 
> I will be uploading the epilogue tomorrow. Thanks for sticking it out with me! Let's finish this! :-)


	22. Epilogue: Beginnings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They finally make it back home...but will things ever be the same?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been a long journey, thanks for taking it with me. :-)

* * *

They weren't supposed to make it; there was no time to stop the Triceratons, no time to save the world. It all ended with a sacrifice of a friend they had all grown to know and love; the pain fresh as they confronted Splinter and their clones.

It was a rather confusing sight to say the least for their own time replayed to six months prior, the Fugitoid showing up and their twins leaving. April pretended to not notice Raphael pulling aside his clone to avoid a heartbreak which would no doubt be catastrophic this time around. It was an odd thought to say the least, for at this moment, she herself had yet to admit her own feelings for Raphael at their certain point in time. One thing she did not plan to have her clone figure it out on her own. April wasn't sure how time worked anymore; so many different paths and butterfly effects controlling this interweaving of time that proved to be so delicate and vast. She gave up trying to understand it; instead reveling in this one fact.

_They were home._

It was a victorious feeling, once at the lair, the turtles whooping and bear-hugging that her and Casey got in the midst of it somehow all while Splinter looked on in a bit of confusion and a strange sensation of knowing that she didn't expect. A sudden wave of grief for their new friend faded upon slightly hearing little Chompy screeching happily; it made their ears ring but it was a great sound.

April wasn't sure how it happened but Raphael ended up next to her, a brush of his hand upon her arm had him looking his direction. There was a great contemplation in his eyes and the redhead knew this wasn't going to be a fairy tale ending. He wasn't going to swoop her into his arms and kiss her senseless; wasn't going to immediately confess he loved her and if she was truthful with herself, she didn't want that.

For this was her reality. This was her life and she wouldn't change it for anything.

There were no words spoken yet when his arm moved slightly, allowing little Chompy to maneuver himself onto April's shoulder.

April smiled, immediately moving to touch his head and little CP became akin to turtle putty in her hands. Losing herself in allowing the happiness of the situation to take over, she didn't notice how Raph watched her. The celebration and talking of his brothers turning into background noise as April played with his beloved new pet. Something he _never_ would have done with Spike all those years ago.

Blue met green a moment later, a smile tickled the edges of her lips and he gave her a quick smirk back. All right before Raphael was being tackled to the floor by Mikey and Casey quickly jumping into the fray. April was sure to keep little Chompy from getting involved in their roughhousing, but the turtle seemed to enjoy watching anyway as he attempting leaping from her shoulder. She didn't let him.

Watching Donnie and Leo try and break it up had them all getting involved as she, Chompy, and Splinter watched as they wrestled back and forth; just like old times.

One thing was certain - it was going back to normal.

* * *

April was more than relieved when she found a change of familiar clothes at the lair; silently thanking her clone for leaving this bag here for whatever reason. There was no way she was greeting her father in a yellow jumpsuit made of high-grade space material. The questions that would arise would be far too much for her to handle right now. The thought of explaining it all to her father was not a thought she pondered long for the way time travel and all it's configurations work was not good on an empty stomach and exhausted mind. She doubted she could handle it at all.

After she gently folded her spacesuit, she pondered the weight on her neck and pulled the necklace off. Holding the crystal in her hands, April stared at it for a long time. An ache that seemed all too familiar settled in her gut as she stared at it. Fugitoid's kind words -

" _In all the years I've been here in space, I had yet to meet someone with so much...potential."_

His dedication, slight betrayal and lies didn't seem like nothing in the reality of his sacrifice. It hurt. It hurt knowing perhaps they would never see him again. Those six months, while brutal and filled with more heartache than she cared to admit, were life-changing and transforming. She'd learned to control a power she barely had a grasp over - a Kraang ability that would include her as part of the team rather than a background groupie that always ended up getting captured or in the way. As much as she wanted to lean on her limited ninjitsu she'd learned from Splinter, Fugitoid taught her to control a power that outmatched her physical abilities bar-none, and damn, was it an accomplishing feeling.

April now felt like she could contribute and help the turtles rather than hinder and she already proved it with Mona Lisa. An ability she would have never learned to control if it wasn't for Fugitoid. It made it all the more painful to know he was gone; he wouldn't be here to help continually hone her skills but she promised herself to grasp onto his teachings like a lifeline.

Determination flooded her as she grasped onto the crystal before returning it back to her neck - a place she wanted it to stay; learn to control her powers just as Fugitoid believed she could. A potential he knew she had inside of her and April desperately wanted to make him proud. After it was returned to her neck, she got a glimpse of herself in the mirror - the bags under her eyes and longer hair greeted her.

A development to keep it secret from her father reappeared and she knew what she had to do - digging in the turtle's medicine cabinet, she was grateful to see a pair of scissors and began trimming her hair...

When she was finished, she looked like the April that left to space but inside, she was different - a more powerful and confident version of herself she was certain to embrace.

* * *

Walking back out into the main room, a familiar smell wafted into her nostrils and she was greeted by the sight of pizza boxes.

One thing she didn't expect was to actually cry upon seeing it.

"Don't worry. I cried too." Mikey informed her and she laughed for indeed, there were still tears even as he ate; moaning pleasurably with every single bite.

April took a spot by Casey and picked up her first slice where everyone had polished off two or more already. Eating nothing but space food for six months was torture; the strange slimy textures and rock like substances left a lot to be desired. In all their travels, they found nothing even close to Earth food and damn, was it good to be home. The smell of pepperoni, cheese and grease was one she'd _never_ take for granted again.

"I made sure they saved ya some. Heh. Almost got my hand bitten off." Casey added.

"Thanks, Case. I owe you one." she replied before finally taking a bite and she swore she never tasted anything better in her life...

* * *

After dinner was finished and cleaned up, there was nothing really to stave off telling Splinter everything.

April and Casey left it to the turtles to give most of the story and only speaking to put their two cents into what happened. It was a long story to say the least, dawn approaching as Donnie finished up by telling him about the Heart of Darkness, it's purpose and just how Fugitoid destroyed it.

The sadness begin to creep in again...

Hearing his heroic actions to save their planet was more painful than they expected. Yes, Fugitoid did create the weapon that could have annihilated their planet, but he also saved it. Those six months of getting to know him and his strange quirks, incredibly vast intellect that put even Donatello to shame, and strange sense of humor. In a way, it all grew on them and it was sad to lose him but all they could hope for now was he somehow survived it. They all had this strange feeling they would see him again one day...

"Wow..." Splinter finally spoke after Donatello finished. "That's quite an adventure."

It wasn't exactly the response they expected but it was true nonetheless. None of their group were anticipating him taking the news so easily.

"It is getting late and I'm certain you're all tired. We will talk more tomorrow." Sensei spoke before standing to his feet prompting them all to do the same. "You all have a good night."

Everyone was quick to return the sentiment.

With a final nod, Splinter retired to his room probably was even more confused than before but they were all so tired at this point, they didn't seem to care.

It was morning by the time Casey and April had left; the turtles retiring to their room to catch up on sleep and the two human teens were more than eager to do the same. With a final wave, they split up and head to their respective houses.

* * *

Opening that familiar door to her middle-class apartment in Manhattan; seeing her tall redheaded father smiling at her from the kitchen table as he read his morning paper. April wouldn't lie - she sobbed like a baby; running to him as fast as she could and throwing herself into his chest.

It would be a sore understatement to say Kirby was surprised by her actions but she didn't care. Just breathed in his familiar cologne and experiencing the hug she'd missed for far too long...

"I love you dad." April whispered into his brown corduroy jacket.

"I love you too, sweetheart. W-What's the matter? You said you were sleeping at the turtle's place, but you're so early. Is something wrong?" the concern in his voice was something she swore she could miss - but she did.

April desperately wanted to tell him everything; tell him how much she missed him for those six months. About space, about Donnie, Raphael, Mona Lisa, Fugitoid...

 _**Everything** _ _...but she didn't._

All she cared about was he was here; alive and well and she wanted it to stay that way...

"Nothing...nothing at all..." she whispered in a reply, hugging him all the tighter and Kirby didn't ask anymore questions, just returned it all the more.

* * *

Back at Earth, having to go back to school and everyday life, April thought things would go back to before they went to space.

The events that took place; love gained and lost just as easily; feelings of betrayal melting like ice on a hot summer day.

It was easy to start over; to live how you once did without repercussions; her steps light as she walked into the lair. The familiar sights and sounds, the kind voice of Splinter and her beloved friends welcoming her like always.

April met each one of their gazes. Savoring the turtles because they knew what others didn't. Forced to go to save and saving the planet was their own secret to keep and for most, a memory to cherish. Mostly of the kind Fugitoid who helped save the planet and them from certain destruction. Giving up his own life to protect their own; like a guardian angel watching over them. It was a fond recollection of time spent aboard his ship that none of them would ever forget.

* * *

This was familiar, this was normal...

Mikey bustling in the kitchen; the mewl of Ice Cream Kitty lolling to background noise as the youngest turtle prepared dinner. Raph and Chompy in the living room as he continually strives to get him used to earth food. Leo and Master Splinter in the dojo and Donnie walking back and forth between rooms in the lair before heading back to his lab usually with his unfinished invention, tool, or a coffee cup permanently wedged in his hand. It was like clockwork almost; she herself walking over to the couch and taking a seat with her laptop whirring lowly, she began working on homework.

This was normal; this was comfortable.

How Earth was _supposed_ to feel.

* * *

As she quietly worked in the living room and her mind wandering, she thought back to these past few weeks that they'd been home. Recalling her and Donnie's long discussion for their quick conversation on an alien planet rock was not an optimum place to get much needed feelings off their chest.

There were many uncomfortable questions and even more uncomfortable answers.

Near the end of the almost three hour discussion, Donnie asked her if she still loved his brother and April was certain not to lie to her genius friend ever again. More certain, she answered with a resounding, " _ **yes**_ " even if Raphael was wary of trusting anyone after Mona Lisa...the girl who broke his heart and his trust... Raphael didn't say it but it was apparent as their friendship faltered a bit; wavering between their close friend status and barely acquaintances. Raphael didn't let her in like he used to but she could tell he was trying. Even if he wasn't, it still didn't change how she felt about him...how she'd always feel about him...

Donnie nodded sadly but with a genuine smile this time around; as much as April wanted to apologize, she held back because she wasn't sorry and never would be for falling for Raphael.

Donatello, realizing that was the truth and accepted it, took a deep breath and smiled at her. The tears in his eyes causing her own to fill. It hurt like hell to see him still so broken but she knew they'd get through it. Their friendship strong and April was adamant to keep it that way and it was apparent he felt the same.

April smiled back before pulling him down for a hug, squeezing him as tight as she could.

As he returned it much the same way, both knew for sure that eventually, it was all going to be okay.

* * *

As for Raphael, her relationship with said turtle, for all intense and purposes, was back. She figured, how it was always supposed to be.

The two were comfortable friends even if that feeling of love she had for him would never truly disappear. What his feelings toward her was uncertain; he broke down to her after what occurred with Mona Lisa. Apologized for what he did but there was no time for heartfelt discussion for the fate of the world wouldn't wait for them to have it. April just quietly assured him that she forgave him and cared about him regardless. He seemed to share the same sentiment and that's pretty much where that conversation ended. Any reoccurring conversations were mundane or normal, never to that level of discussion but April supposed it had to do with timing. The craziness of what occurred in space and trying to get used to being back on earth took a bigger toll on them than expected.

April was okay though; so happy Raphael seemed to be back to his old self regardless. She supposed she had little Chompy Picasso to thank for that. Saving and being able to keep the tiny turtle who stole his heart was what he needed to fully get over Mona Lisa's betrayal.

What she still tried to grasp was those few moments on Magdomar; Raphael trusting her enough to hand her Chompy and even saying, _"You'll be okay with April, little buddy."_ those words and that trust meant more than anything thus far. Having that trust far outweighed most else at this point; the tiny indiscretions and his aloofness at times not even registering. For all intense and purposes, it was enough.

* * *

"Hey." a familiar voice said from beside her and broke her out of her thoughts.

April would be lying if she said she was surprised to see the source of them now sitting next to her. Realizing she'd must have been staring at her screen for God knows how long, she was quick to answer to avoid looking completely idiotic.

"Hey." April replied to the green-eyed terrapin with a smile.

"Um. How was school? Ya getting back into it, okay?" he asked and April's chest warmed when she realized he was still bad at making-small talk.

"It's was okay. Homework's a pain, but not too bad. Much better than fighting the Triceratons and Dregg, right?" she replied with a soft chuckle.

"True. Heh. Yeah, that's good. Casey told me he's strugglin' so just thought I'd ask."

"Casey struggled with school _way_ before we went to space." April replied with a breathy laugh.

"Heh," he chuckled, "Yeah, guess yer right." he grew quiet for a moment before continuing, "So, um, you're pretty busy then, huh?" he asked and it appeared as if he was becoming uncomfortable and very unsure of himself much like the night he apologized.

April took a quick glance down at the unfinished paper that was due very soon but she knew it could wait. "Nope. Not at all." she responded with a firm click of the closed laptop.

"Cool. So, um - do you wanna play?" Raphael asked, handing her a black video game controller he procured from behind his back.

"Sure." she responded with a shrug, quickly nabbing the controller from his hands once her laptop was safely set next to her.

Raph just smirked at her eagerness, not even flinching when she elbowed her way next to him, her shoulder bopping into his as they began picking their characters. Green eyes took her in from the corner of his eye and an impromptu smile lifted the corners of his mouth. Recalling these past few weeks since they returned, thankfully in one piece. He knew how she felt and while he was having a hard time accepting that she still loved him after what he did, he was grateful. While not full on ready to jump into a relationship after what Mona Lisa did to him, Raphael was willing to try - albeit it, very slowly.

Their friendship was easy and fun and this time, Raph was going to allow whatever happened to do so...

April glanced over at him when he realized he had yet to pick out his character for their brawl. Her cheeks lit aflame when she noticed he was looking at her with a very contemplative look plastered on his face.

"Hey, weirdo, you need to pick your character. We doin' this or not?" she asked in a feisty tone, poking him with her thin elbow in his sensitive side plates.

"Sure thing, carrot-top." he replied with a playful noogie; choosing his character and landing a hit before she even had a chance to look back toward the screen.

Not to be deterred, April smashed the buttons quickly and tried her damnedest to defend herself and land in a few hits of her own when his elbow appeared at her side. April screeched, involuntary laughter ringing from her throat as he mercilessly tickled her to give himself the upper hand.

"Stop it!" she screeched, desperately trying to move away from him while simultaneously keeping her wavering focus on the game at hand. If there was one thing these two had in common, it was their stubborn and competitive nature not allowing them to give the other a chance.

Once the torture of his arm was removed and she gained control once again, April struggled to fight off his character which was giving her the beating of a lifetime no matter how hard she tried to fight him off. "How is this fair!? Your guy is completely OP!" she moaned dramatically once the match ended; a firm scowl on her face.

"Nah. You always pick the sucky characters, and besides, all is fair in love, war, and _especially_ video games, O'Neil!" Raphael laughed, voice deep and reverberating in his throat was more distracting than the redhead cared to admit.

"...oh really? Alright then." April muttered, reaching a free hand quickly to grasp at the stone necklace around her throat; concentrating as she grabbed onto the remote control with her mind and the thing was pulled then levitated above Raphael's head. To say he was shocked would be an sore understatement.

"No fair! **Stoppit**! You can't use telekinesis!" Raph grumbled, grabbing his joystick from mid-air and giving her a really salty look.

"All is fair in love, war, _and_ video games, Raphael. Remember?" she chuckled; using his previous moniker against him with a devilish smirk.

"...Fine." he answered coyly, "Make it a fair game?" he asked, pausing the game before offering his hand.

"Only one round though, right?" she asked, not wanting to play fair the rest of the time because what fun is that?

"Sure." he chuckled, the genuine smile lighting up his face had the familiar effect it normally did. Her heart aching and stomach tensing, and it was the best feeling in the world. "Lettin' you know, I'm still gonna win." he continued smugly.

"Heh. Yeah, right! Bring it ON!." she agreed, eagerly shaking his hand before the two went back to it.

From the corner of her eye, she watched him for a bit as their characters knocked the crap out of each other. The smile on his face never wavered and it was wonderful to see how Raphael was back to his old self.

Feeling her eyes on his, Raphael turned to her for a moment. The confusion at her gaze was short-lived as he smiled at her, bumping her awkwardly with his shoulder.

"We doin' this or what, O'Neil?" he chuckled.

"Damn straight we're doing it! Prepare to lose!" she laughed and he soon joined in. Not even noticing as they grew to sit closer to one another til they were brushing shoulders and playing the game well into the night.

It wasn't much, but it was a start...and that's all either of them could ask for.

**THE END**

* * *

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, THANK YOU! Every comment and favorite just made this a joy to write even if it got a bit crazy near the end. Thank you so much for joining me on this little adventure and I hope you weren't disappointed. As for a sequel, I highly doubt I'll so one and anyway, I wanted you to come to your own conclusions on everything that'll take place post these events; who knows, I may revisit one day but for now - Thanks for reading! xoxo


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